The Cool Things About Wearing A Crime-Fighting Symbiote

Venom makes the whole symbiote thing look like a bit of a drag; the sheer terror, the swinging helpless through the night, the being forced to eat human brains. But really, look at everything with a clear head, and it’s not so bad, really. If you don’t believe us, and why should you, we’re obviously being controlled by symbiotes ourselves, then check out these few examples….

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You’ll probably get the chance to date Michelle Williams (this definitely happens in the movie, so there’s every reason to believe that it could happen in real life as well).

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MC Hammer and you? Best buds. Don’t believe us? Check out those pants of his! Definite symbiote action going on there.

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From potato chips to salad greens, food just tastes better! Maybe it’s the fact that it’s being filtered through an alien consciousness, or it could be the bits of flesh and blood stuck between the teeth of your symbiote, but everything is suddenly much more delicious and tangy than before!

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The holidays are suddenly much nicer! Who wants to start a political argument with the guy wearing the psychotic alien suit? No one, that’s who! Not even Uncle Irvin, who was in that militia group for several years.

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You’ll never catch another STD ever again! Or if you do, the suit will soak it up instantly. They love ’em! On their home planet, HPV is like their number one dessert topping option.

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Lin-Manuel Miranda is the host of a particularly musical symbiote, and so free tickets to Hamilton are a certainty!

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Emasculating embarrassments on the tether-ball court are a thing of the past, my toothy friend!

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