Best of 2023

The Eerie Similarities & Distinct Differences Between Cocaine Bear & Smokey the Bear

Cocaine Bear is the star of a major motion picture now in release

Despite 75 years of work in television, Smokey the Bear has never made it to the big screen and is currently seeking new representation

Like every other bear, Smokey the Bear shits in the woods

Unlike any other bear, Cocaine Bear snorts in the woods

Smokey the Bear is known for saying, “Only you can prevent wild fires.”

Cocaine Bear is known for saying, “Hold up, dude, just one more kilo.”

Smokey the Bear cites the movie Gentle Ben as his all-time favorite

Cocaine Bear will bend your ear for hours raving about Scarface

Smokey the Bear is instantly recognizable by his large park ranger’s hat

You can mistake Cocaine Bear thanks to the large gobs of white powder on his lips, nose, paws and gum lines

On any given day, Smokey the Bear consumes dozens of plants and berries

In his 95-minute film debut, Cocaine Bear polishes off dozens of fellow cast members’ arms and legs

Smokey the Bear is credited with educating millions on just how dangerous forest fires can be

Cocaine Bear is credited with reminding millions on just how much fun a little blow can be

Smokey the Bear always carries a shovel to help him put out forest fires

It never occurred to Cocaine Bear to carry a shovel to help him lay out massive lines of the white stuff

Smokey the Bear is always seen in his blue jeans because of his squeaky-clean family image

Cocaine Bear doesn’t give a crap what people think of him and loves romping through the woods naked and buzzed

Cocaine Bear is currently reading scripts for future projects

Smokey the Bear has pretty much resigned himself to being forever typecast but remains busy thanks to the recent surge in forest fires caused by global warming