If The Rules of Fight Club Were Repurposed for Book Club

The first rule of Book Club is: you do not talk about Book Club.

The second rule of Book Club is you do not talk about Book Club, unless it’s only thing in your life that puts you in contact with humans and fancy cheese.

The third rule is you do not have to actually read the book. Most people just read Wikipedia or whatever.

The fourth rule is always come prepared with a bottle of wine and gossip about Janet’s impending divorce.

The fifth rule is always ask the group open-ended questions, like “was Gustave Flaubert secretly a feminist,” or “why won’t my partner and I have sex anymore?”

The sixth rule is come prepared with a strong opinion on why there hasn’t been a book written yet about Janet’s impending divorce.

The seventh rule is dress appropriately. Be sure to wear comfortable shoes and several layers of gossip.

The eighth rule is don’t forget to read Madame Bovary’s summary on Wikipedia. Spoiler: it’s about a woman named Madame Bovary.

The ninth rule is have a strong opinion on why Janet’s and Craig’s divorce is justified. Make a witty reference to Madame Bovary or Shakespeare or a study from The New York Times.

The tenth rule is don’t mention your affair with Craig.

The eleventh rule is accidentally spill wine on the carpet to distract everyone while you text Craig, “I think Janet knows. Also, do you want me to bring you any leftover brie?”

The twelfth rule is don’t get murdered by Janet. This is very critical so you can continue attending book club.

The thirteenth rule is have fun. Book clubs were never really about books anyway.