The Nobster Bib

Dear Patent Office,

 

I’m submitting my application to protect my idea for the product America didn’t know it needed!  Sure, when you go into a seafood restaurant and order the lobster, the waitstaff is happy to supply you with a lobster bib.  Why?  Because eating lobster is messy and you want to protect your clothes.  But obviously these people have never watched me eat in other restaurants.  You ever order pasta with red sauce?  Why do those waiters think this will go neatly?

 

That’s why I’m thrilled to present The Nobster Bib!  It’s like a lobster bib, but also for when it’s Not Lobster!  I got the idea when I was at the Olive Garden’s “All the Pasta You Can Stuff into Your Face” festival.  Let me tell you, the marinara was flying that night!  It looked like Danny Thomas did multiple spit-takes all over me.  And I’m thinking “wow, a lobster bib would really have come in handy for this meal.  But I didn’t have lobster!”  Then I said there should be a lobster bib for non-lobster situations.  And to think, I was this close to ordering the Lobster Fra Diavolo that night.  What a missed opportunity that would have been!

 

I mean think of it, lobster isn’t the only sloppy restaurant food there is.  Have you been to a rib joint?  Those wet naps aren’t going to save you!  And pancake houses?  That syrup winds up everywhere and you get all sticky!  It’s ridiculous!  Even if you go to a fast-food place; what’s the deal with the dipping sauces?  Just trying to get them open is an accident waiting to happen!  And don’t get me started about pizza!  I’ve had more hot mozzarella drop into my shirt pocket than you can shake a breadstick at.  Don’t think that you’re safe in the M&M store either.  Those things will melt in your hands eventually and then where are you supposed to wipe them clean?  The Nobster Bib, that’s where!

 

With the Nobster Bib, your dry cleaner will despair at his loss of income from your visits to barbecue joints, greasy spoons and soup buffets!  With your Nobster Bib you’ll be able to say, “Why yes, I’d love a second handful of chocolate pudding, thank you!”  From communions to weddings, the Nobster Bib will save you from losing your suit rental deposits for all the chipped beef that they had to scrap off your lapels.  And never fear having your co-workers give you that glass of tomato juice in a dribble glass again!  No matter how many times you fall for it!

 

I have the prototype ready to go.  And I plan to invest any profits into my next projects, the pizza poncho and the dairy drop cloth.  Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

P.S.

Can I start referring to the Nobster Bib as “patent pending” or do I have to wait for a notice from your office?  Let me know, ASAP, my sloppy joe is almost ready.