Tips for Eating Out

Choosing Where To Eat

DO read reviews of restaurants from a variety of sources

DON’T dine anywhere frequently mentioned in local obituaries

DO know your budget and plan your dining accordingly

DON’T assume any meal can be exchanged for a rare Pokemon card

DO be open to trying new foods and ethnic dishes

DON’T be open to eating head cheese. Just don’t do it. Ever

DO consider a restaurant for its style and ambiance

DON’T consider a restaurant entirely for its employee to cleavage ratio

DO consider a place with musical entertainment as a fun alternative

DON’T believe that monster truck rallies ever constitute dinner theater

DO try to dine at a local, family-owned establishment

DON’T dine at a restaurant where mafia guys have been known to “disappear”

Making Healthy Choices

DO order your salad dressing on the side

DON’T order your salad dressing in a bowl with a straw

DO choose your meal from the menu instead of the all-you-can-eat buffet

DON’T choose to seat yourself at the all-you-can-eat buffet

DO order water or unsweetened tea instead of soda

DON’T ask for extra butter to be added to any beverage

DO take advantage of the selection at the salad bar

DON’T misinterpret a salad bar as an open invitation to dine with Mr. Sniffle, your pet rabbit

DO politely decline when the dessert tray is wheeled over

DON’T appropriate the dessert tray as your personal go-cart

Basic Dining Etiquette

DO call ahead and ask if the restaurant requires a jacket

DON’T call ahead and ask if the restaurant requires pants. Just assume they do

DO make reservations and show up on time

DON’T make reservations under Mike Rotch or Ben Dover, then show up to giggle

DO unfold the napkin and place it in your lap

DON’T unfold the napkin, cut out eye holes and wear it while robbing the restaurant

DO use the appropriate utensils (i.e. salad fork, soup spoon, etc.)

DON’T use spoons as tiny catapults to launch an assault against nearby tables

DO be fair when tipping your server

DON’T misread the 12% gratuity as a 12-cent gratuity

DO send along your compliments to the chef for a lovely meal

DON’T ask if the chef will allow you to violate the restraining order just this once