Tips for Eating Out

Choosing Where To Eat

DO read reviews of restaurants from a variety of sources

DON’T dine anywhere frequently mentioned in local obituaries

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DO know your budget and plan your dining accordingly

DON’T assume any meal can be exchanged for a rare Pokemon card

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DO be open to trying new foods and ethnic dishes

DON’T be open to eating head cheese. Just don’t do it. Ever

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DO consider a restaurant for its style and ambiance

DON’T consider a restaurant entirely for its employee to cleavage ratio

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DO consider a place with musical entertainment as a fun alternative

DON’T believe that monster truck rallies ever constitute dinner theater

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DO try to dine at a local, family-owned establishment

DON’T dine at a restaurant where mafia guys have been known to “disappear”

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Making Healthy Choices

DO order your salad dressing on the side

DON’T order your salad dressing in a bowl with a straw

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DO choose your meal from the menu instead of the all-you-can-eat buffet

DON’T choose to seat yourself at the all-you-can-eat buffet

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DO order water or unsweetened tea instead of soda

DON’T ask for extra butter to be added to any beverage

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DO take advantage of the selection at the salad bar

DON’T misinterpret a salad bar as an open invitation to dine with Mr. Sniffle, your pet rabbit

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DO politely decline when the dessert tray is wheeled over

DON’T appropriate the dessert tray as your personal go-cart

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Basic Dining Etiquette

DO call ahead and ask if the restaurant requires a jacket

DON’T call ahead and ask if the restaurant requires pants. Just assume they do

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DO make reservations and show up on time

DON’T make reservations under Mike Rotch or Ben Dover, then show up to giggle

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DO unfold the napkin and place it in your lap

DON’T unfold the napkin, cut out eye holes and wear it while robbing the restaurant

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DO use the appropriate utensils (i.e. salad fork, soup spoon, etc.)

DON’T use spoons as tiny catapults to launch an assault against nearby tables

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DO be fair when tipping your server

DON’T misread the 12% gratuity as a 12-cent gratuity

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DO send along your compliments to the chef for a lovely meal

DON’T ask if the chef will allow you to violate the restraining order just this once