Best of 2023

LinkedIn Recommendations for Halloween

Recommendation for Igor, Lab Technician

Frankenstein’s Monster

Monster, Linguist, Big Brother Volunteer


“Not like digging own cadavers for unholy experiments? I recommend Igor to scientist looking for qualified, reliable lab tech. Igor friend. Misshapen back is ugly rumor, total fake news. Igor back good. Igor take abuse and like it. Whip, chain, stick, no preference. Igor bring sense of dedication to workplace, inspire all of us to do best. And in case wondering, Igor quit job, not get fired…. Noooo! FIRE!! Arrrrrggggghhhhh!!! FIRE BAD!!”


Recommendation for Cindy, Virginal Camp Counselor


Jason Voorhees

Serial Killer, Ecologist, Hockey Aficionado


“What can I say about Cindy that others haven’t already said of the Mona Lisa? Beauty, grace, and a poor sense of direction. I first met Cindy when I was beheading a rapscallion named Tony, who’d recently fornicated. Cindy had witnessed this from across the lake and put forth a blood-curdling scream that was the envy of banshees everywhere. Thus began what would become, not simply a chase between killer and counselor, but a metaphor for our diverging workplace principles. There I was with my slow and steady approach to chasing victims, while Cindy went full-speed ahead, seemingly unconcerned for the path’s many tripping hazards, nor the fact that she was running while wearing entirely inappropriate footwear. Well, it was at that moment that I paused to admire Cindy’s go-getter attitude. Her ability to run and scream beyond the point of exhaustion was a true demonstration of multi-tasking personified. These days, now able to kill two to three teenagers at once, I can say with the utmost appreciation that my short time working with Cindy left an indelible mark on this prolific, but humble, serial killer.”


Recommendation for Raeford Morton Renfield, Personal Assistant


Count Dracula

Nosferatu, Prince of Darkness

BS, Transylvania Tech


“As many of you know first-hand, a goood man eez hard to fine. Renfield however has beeen zee best personal assistant I’ve had, by far. And I’ve literally had thousands. Eager to please, Renfield goes above and beyond zee usual efforts of mortals. Zee old college try, I believe eet is called. No request eez tooo outrageous for Renfield, no victim tooo young to satisfy my need for satiety, for blood is life. Dedicated weeth all heez heart, Renfield puts the feel in fealty. Whenever I travel abroad, he always packs my coffins just zee way I like. Were I immolated by zee sun’s rays right now, I could take comfort een knowing zat my faithful servant, Renfield, eez dusting my brides and maintaining the many vet appointments for zee children of zee night. Oh sure, he eez sometimes described by some as a bit, well, buggy. But dat eez because Renfield is of zat rare breed of men quickly becoming extinct in today’s world. Renfield eez born to serve. And happily does so without complaint or compensation.”