You smell slightly less awful then the other hippies.
So, what do you think Bernie’s doing right now?
Me? I came because I think Ashton Kutcher’s going to run out in a trucker hat with the biggest Punk’d ever.
You know, Chuck Schumer told me that at the stroke of 12 we all take our clothes off and go streaking. You’re in, right?
Ma’am, I’m with the CDC we need a blood sample from your “wherever”.
The good news is maybe this will put Kumbaya at the top of the Billboard Charts again.
With the world on fire now, we can enjoy the sunset at any time of day!
I love your grateful dead shirt, lets get a drink and say “debt ceiling” until we think we know what it means.
I wrote this picket sign using my nail polish and mascara, its the same shade J. Edgar Hoover used!
I’ve got a bunker downtown all to myself. Interested?
Oh, I can filibuster all night long.
What’s your biggest fantasy, besides affordable medicine for the poor?
I’ve got a helicopter, two fake passports, three months worth of Cracker Jacks, come with me if you want to live.
I heard this year’s Vanity Fair party is being held at Rikers Island Penitentiary if you wanted to be my date.
You know if you squint from far away Trump almost looks like a woman.
Us protesters and the supporters here watching would be so different looking from his view. I mean, if you took away the giant wall partition between us of course…
Once you go Barack, you never go back.
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Tim Latterner is the leading expert on pizza folding techniques, black and white cookies, and all things sandwich related. He has written for CollegeHumor, Playboy Magazine, MAD Magazine, and a bunch of other humor publications. He’s a good guy, you should get to know him.