Would You Rather: Elementary Teacher Edition

Would you rather:

Be observed by your superintendent, unannounced, or have a six-year old sneeze on your head from behind while conducting a small group reading lesson?

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Would you rather:

Clean up the unidentifiable thick, milky liquid from a student’s exploded stress ball during a cultural enrichment program, or have indoor recess for a fourth straight day?

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Would you rather:

Attend a three-hour professional development session delivered in monotone by a company representative over Zoom on the last day before holiday break with your camera required to be on, or attend a 60-minute, 100-decibel whole-school flu super-spreader assembly wearing your mandated school spirit t-shirt on that same day before holiday break?

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Would you rather:

Slip on three inches of mud resulting from a weekend of torrential rain while on Monday backyard duty, or slip on three inches of ice resulting from a weekend nor’easter while on Monday backyard duty?

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Would you rather:

Make five days of first grade sub plans while experiencing pneumonia symptoms (assume that no technology will function), or hold six continuous hours of parent conferences with laryngitis?

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Would you rather:

Be told to cover your sick colleague’s class during your one prep, forgoing your planned bathroom break and your date with the office photocopier which jams every 11th copy…OR attend an extra staff meeting?

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Would you rather:

Write your annual SMARTIE goals (first looking up what I and E stand for), or supervise the popcorn kernel estimating station at the Saturday family fair fundraiser (assume you would be volentold to attend, and could not pick the hour during which you worked)?

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Would you rather:

Read an article about “quiet quitting” which bashes teachers for not working an uncompensated 55-hour week “for the kids,” while actually working an uncompensated 55-hour week, or agree to coordinate your school’s state testing for a stipend which compensates you for only 1/10 of the time it takes to do the job?

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Would you rather:

Run to the nurse holding a plastic wastebasket under the chin of a child who is throwing up, or do afternoon bus duty on the day that little Mary decides to hide in the back bathroom at dismissal while the bus of increasingly agitated children waits for her to be found?

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Would you rather:

Teach six year olds for ten years, or ten year olds for six years?

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Would you rather:

Lie very quietly on your couch from 4-6 pm each weeknight, or lie very quietly on your bed from 4-6 each weeknight?