January 6th will become America’s most popular new national holiday, during which wealthy citizens recreate the attack on the Capital by barging into the homes of the less affluent and taking whatever the hell they want.
McDonalds will finally begin to add large amounts of Cialis to their filet of fish sandwiches.
The scrapbooking community will come out in great droves to defend my growing collection of top-secret White House documents.
My collection of Trump NFTs will become so popular that they will be traded as the new dominant form of US currency.
Modern science will come up with a miracle product that keeps a My Little Pony plush toy from being ruined if you accidentally leave it out in the rain.
The Supreme Court will draft an amendment to Roe Vs. Wade, wherein those who are famous and / or rich can get abortions if they really want to. Yeah, yeah, we’re already doing that anyway, but it would be fun to rub in the faces of the dopey middle class.
2023 will begin a new Age Of Enlightenment, during which it will no longer seem weird for an elderly man to watch his hot daughter play a couple of games of croquet in her underwear.
Putin and I will become ensnared in one of those Freaky Friday type of body switch scenarios, allowing me to fully embrace the bloodthirsty, maniacal tyrant inside that I’ve denied for far too long.
The pharmaceutical industry will develop a pill that causes a woman to be unable to successfully recall the size of a previous sexual partner’s genitalia, even when prompted by large sums of money from TMZ.
I will receive the highest honor bestowed upon a former president by becoming the Fifth Horseman Of The Apocalypse. This is being worked on as I speak, they’re just still looking for a horse than can withstand my superior, manly physique.