Gilligan’s Island Press Conference: The Skipper Declares Intentions to Annex the Professor’s Hut

At a last-minute media gaggle held at the Castaway Island Lagoon, the Skipper stated his intentions to annex the Professor’s hut.  “Anything less than that hut in my hands is unacceptable,” he said.  He also announced that he was appointing Gilligan as a special envoy to “lead the charge” in making the hut part of his territory.  “We’re going to see what happens. We need [the hut] for Island security,” the Skipper said.  “We have a very good relationship with [the Professor], as you know. We’ll see. But, you know, we’re doing the Bamboo Dome. We’re doing a lot of things. And we really need it,” he said, referring to plans he announced earlier this year for an island-wide coconut defense shield.

“We are going to do something with that hut, whether he likes it or not,” he added. “because if we don’t do it, the Howells will take it over, and we’re not going to have them as a neighbor.”

The Professor disagreed with that assessment, stating that, “It’s clear that the Skipper has this wish of conquering my hut,” he said. The Professor called that outcome “totally unacceptable.”

He also insisted that there is “a necessity to have a proper debate.”  He added that there wasn’t an “instant threat from the Howells – at least not a threat we can’t accommodate.”

“Dialogue and diplomacy are the right way forward,” he added, while making an inscrutable contraption out of coconut shells and palm fronds. “My hut is not for sale.”

 

Both Ginger and Mary Ann expressed grave concerns about the Skipper’s plan.  According to Mary Ann, a high-level working group has been created “to explore if we can find a common way forward.” She said the group will meet for the first time in a matter of weeks and added that “The group, in our view, should focus on how to address the Skipper’s security concerns while at the same time respecting the red lines of the Professor.”

She also argued that the Skipper seizing the Professor’s hut would mark the end of the Castaway Island Governing Council because they were all members – including the Skipper – and were thus obligated to come to the Professor’s defense.  “What is clear is that the Professor can count on us politically, economically and financially. The discussions on Island security are first and foremost, a core issue.”

Ginger also rejected the Skipper’s view, stating emphatically that, “As co-chair of the Castaway Island Governing Council, I believe it is critical that we stand united in supporting the Professor and respecting his sovereignty.”

 

The Skipper was pressed on whether he would leave the Castaway Island Governing Council to acquire the hut. “I wouldn’t be telling you what I’m willing to do. Certainly, I’m not going to give up options, but it’s very important. That hut is very important for Island security,” the Skipper said. “One way or the other we are going to take that hut. I would like to make a deal the easy way, but if we don’t do it the easy way, we’re going to do it the hard way.  And by the way, I’m a fan of the Professor, too. I have to tell you, he has been very nice to me. I’m a big fan.”

 

Eunice ‘Lovey’ Howell, still in hiding after the Skipper forcibly deposed her husband, Thurston Howell III, from power, vowed to resist the Skipper’s plan. “If we have to choose between the Skipper and the Professor here and now,” she said while brandishing a bamboo spear above her head with one hand, and holding a martini in the other, “we choose the Professor.”

 

While questions remained about the Skipper’s true motives for annexing the hut, since the area it occupies contains one of the island’s largest supplies of rare Earth bananas, Gilligan steadfastly supported the Skipper. “I think the Skipper is willing to go as far as he has to. I guess my advice to castaway leaders and anybody else would be to take him seriously.”

The Skipper nodded in agreement with Gilligan,  then took off his captain’s hat and repeatedly smacked him on the head with it. Next, he smiled and said “Thank you for your attention to this matter!”