Rosy-Cheeked Residents of the Bizarro Earth Are Thankful For…

President-Elect Michelle Obama not only soundly defeating Donald Trump in the election, but due to being a cyborg, being able to fly him over and then into an active volcano.


Bill Cosby providing his most hilarious and heart-warming holiday special since his accidental castration forty years ago.


The Westboro Baptist Church and their side-group, God Loves Homosexuals, providing emotional and financial support for the families of fallen soldiers.


Vice President Anthony Weiner personally leading yet another Navy SEAL squad into the fray against internet predators and other, similar villainous perverts.


Planned Parenthood using their surplus budget to place vintage 80’s arcade games in their waiting rooms and lobby.


HBO’s Westworld (actually very similar to our own version, but with even more robot nudity!!)


World peace organization ISIS (Inspiring Social Integration Successfully), doing remarkable work and taking bold steps to unite the Middle East with one another, and the rest of the world as well.


The Catholic Church’s new pro-gay ad campaign, “You Can’t Have Glory Holes Without Glory”.