Rudy G’s “Makin’ Life A Breeze”- Rudy Giuliani’s Guide To Living Your Best Life!
Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff
Life can be crazy sometimes. And difficult to navigate! Some people, who I call “light-bandits”, will try to rock your boat. They’ll look at you like you’re crazy whenever you open your mouth to express an opinion! Like you’re the crazy one! And hey, maybe you are! Who cares? Live your truth, even if it involves throwing urine-filled balloons at the post office location that keeps losing your subscription copies of Field & Stream.
Take Time To Stop And Smell The Roses
Some people say this, and mean it as a metaphor. Like, you know, to take the time to stop and savor the small, special moments in life. And sure, that’s good advice. But what I mean is, literally stop and smell the roses. All of them. This is very important!! The fragrances emitted from many varieties of roses contain a series of compounds that, when used in coordination with most varieties of Hungry Man Dinners, can biosynthesize a protective coating over your mucous membranes. This will very much come into play within the weeks and months to come. Vorgath already walks amongst us! I want to help with this, what could be a somewhat painful transition, but ultimately you can only truly help yourself.
Follow Your Heart
Love is a many splintered thing. Or is that many splendored? Nah. That wouldn’t make any sense! Splinters get under your skin, cause redness and swelling, maybe even painful infections. That’s definitely love. And it’s great! Don’t let anyone tell you different. Even if the person saying that love isn’t great is the object of your affections. What do they know about how you feel? It’s none of their business, quite frankly. And changing your phone number and name / facial features does very little to stop someone who was once the mayor of the finest city in America, New York City!
Remember That Life Is What You Make It
It seems like only yesterday that I was that eight year old boy, finding the bloated severed hand stuffed into the birdhouse. Someone with a weaker constitution may have been troubled by this sight, but not this trooper, no sir! I took that birdhouse home, and placed it in the backyard. I figured that the local birds would find the festering meat from the hand to be quite the treat, and boy, was I ever right! To this very day I still control those same birds with the power of the psychic connection that we share. It’s a bond that thus far has proven to be unbreakable, and the way by which I have been able to visit vengeance upon my enemies again and again and again. Vorgoth bathes in the blood and sweet marrow of the unworthy!!!
Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence