Posts

The Democratic Candidates Ate The Plums That Were In The Icebox 

Warren, “Yes, I ate every single plum. And yes, I knew that you wanted to eat them for lunch. But hey, I’m human, and probably the first woman to eat them. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but what if I told you that I’ve got a plan to replenish them? What if I told you that eating them was a part of my plan all along?” 

A Quick Word From Your Super Chill Non-Confrontational Roommate

Hey. So me and the donkey have been talking. And we want you to move out, since you don’t pay rent or anything. The donkey is gonna get my room, and I'm gonna sleep on the back porch. The donkey is also gonna get your room, since it needs an office. It works from home so it makes sense. 

Bachelor #244: There’s Trouble at the Mansion

It was incredible getting to know Cassie E’s family, as well as Cassie C’s and Cassidy’s. Although I didn’t get a blessing from any of the fathers, they definitely know how I feel about their daughters. Plus, I learned how to Skee-Ball!

Ask Dr. Kit- Special Valentine's Day Lovesick Edition

I woke up during one of our dates, naked and freezing in a bath-tub full of ice! I'm sure that you know this one... yep, my kidney had been removed and stolen! Even more upsetting, she managed to abscond with another of my organs.... my heart!

Nine Quagmires You Can Only Understand If You Are a Teenage Worker Working at Edible Arrangements the Week Prior to Valentine’s Day

6)  You instinctively dip your hand into the vat of hot milk chocolate to retrieve the AirPod and you burn your fingers.

CARTOON: The Winner

The results are finally in. Today's cartoon by Kim Warp.

CARTOON: Cupid's Prep Table

Love and romance prepper. Today's cartoon by David Ostow.

CARTOON: Love Bug

Love at first fright. Today's cartoon by Ali Solomon.

CARTOON: Noncommittal Candy Hearts

The excitement of meeting someone new...I guess...whatever who cares. Today's cartoon by Cerise Zelenetz.

A Guide to Your Chocolate Sampler Box

Cherry Cordial: Simple and sweet. Like the beginning of a relationship, before it’s clear that your partner is incapable of remembering your Wheaten terrier’s birthday. And more!

CARTOON: Stone Cold

Roger Stone's Prison Tattoo. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

#StonerDatingApps

Dongs and Bongs, Weed harmony, Stumble, and more #StonerDatingApps on this week's trending joke game!

How Cheers Characters Would Be Voting in 2020

Sam Malone (bartender/owner): Elizabeth Warren, Robin Colcord (industrialist/Grey Poupon enthusiast): Tom Steyer, Lilith Sternin (psychiatrist/professional dom): Amy Klobuchar, and more!

Signs Your Co-Worker Might Be an Abiogenetic Hybrid of Laura Ingalls Wilder and A Can of Pringles 

She’s often tardy because her sister Carrie has fallen into an abandoned mine shaft.  She also has her own mascot, an oval-faced man with a big bushy mustache and a red bow tie she refers to as Julius. 

John Lennon’s Tweets Regarding Last Night’s Fallon Appearance

The cancellation of celebs knows no bounds.

The Latest Batch Of Rejected Ben & Jerry's Flavors

Dutch Oven-Baked Cookies, Another Fine Meth Crystal Crunch, Autoerotic As-TWIX-iation and more.

Good Evening: I Am Thrilled To Be Performing Long Form Improvisational Comedy For This Audience Of Captivated Decision Makers

Good Evening. Thank you for coming out tonight, and welcome to my one man show and my catastrophe of a Harold Team audition all wrapped in one catastrophic meltdown designed for you and you only, the bored entertainment industry decision makers.

#StinkySitcoms

'Saved by the Smell', 'Funky Brewster', 'Welcome Back, Farter' and more #StinkySitcoms on this week's joke game!

CARTOON: Catbird Seat

Purrrfect. Today's cartoon by Bill Thomas.

CARTOON: Measured Excitement

Let's get deep. Today's cartoon by Phil Witte.

Who Do We Have to Kidnap to Convince You to Reactivate Your Pinterest Account?

Do the right thing and give a little back after we’ve given you so much. To start saving Pins again, click the reactivation link below and we’ll call off the windowless van that’s about to pull into your driveway.

CARTOON: Blooming Prospects

Both crave attention. Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

CARTOON: Groundhog Day

It's just a hotdog. Relax. Today's cartoon by Michael Shaw.

CARTOON: Festive Feeling

It's the little things. Today's cartoon by Ali Solomon.

Talkward w/ guests Bob Eckstein, Steve McGinn and Robert Leighton

This very special episode of Talkward welcomes cartoonists Bob Eckstein, Steve McGinn, and Robert Leighton! Full house! They stopped by the studio after going by The New Yorker to submit some cartoons. We discuss the joke writing process, appearances on old game shows, and we dissect the reasons why some of Steve's cartoons got rejected very, very quickly. We also chat about Bob Eckstein's new book, "Everyone's A Critic- The Ultimate Cartoon Book" which is on sale now and you should go buy it right now!

Talkward w/ guests Michael Bleicher & Andy Newton

This episode of Talkward welcomes comedy writers and authors Michael Bleicher and Andy Newton! The humor writing duo has been published in McSweeney's, Points In Case, Crack The Spine and Weekly Humorist. They discuss their writing process, the power of Google Docs, and the state of the world. Their debut novel "From the Campaign Trail or Thereabouts" a satirical road trip comedy taking place during the events of the 2016 election is on sale now from imprint Humorist Books.

EXCLUSIVE BOOK EXCERPT: 'From the Campaign Trail or Thereabouts' ~ Buy It Today!

First chapter excerpt of the new political satire novel 'From the Campaign Trail or Thereabouts'. Now available from Humorist Books!

Inadvertent Straight Pride Parades

A Wharton Alumni Reunion, A Zac Brown Band tailgate, A UCB sketch comedy team and more!

Don’t Mind Me As I Hover Over Your Table, Waiting For You To Get Up

I’ll just stand here, a few feet from your table, not-so-subtly pressuring you to get up so I can finally sit down with my tray. My spicy chicken sandwich grows cold; my strawberry shake begins to melt.

Talkward w/ guest Irving Ruan

This episode of Talkward welcomes San Francisco based humor writer, actor, comedian, playwright, and engineer Irving Ruan. Irving writes regularly for The New Yorker, McSweeney's, Weekly Humorist as well SlackJaw, where he is also an editor!

CARTOON: Air Force * 1

One small change. Huge difference. Today's cartoon by Paul Lander and Dan McConnell.

Talkward w/ guest Bob Eckstein

Today on Talkward is our first repeat guest, New York Times bestselling author, award winning cartoonist and snowman expert Bob Eckstein! Bob's new book The Illustrated History of the Snowman is out now! We discuss Steampunk's rise in the 1980s, the ongoing holiday decorations feud with his neighbor and making squirrels dance for his pleasure. Oh, and we happen upon the topic of snowman pornography!

If The Rules of Fight Club Were Repurposed for Book Club

The first rule of Book Club is: you do not talk about Book Club. The…

Talkward w/ guest Andy Newton

Today on Talkward is comedy writer and occasional poet Andy…

Trump’s Pay for Play Cabal

“The healthy man does not torture others - generally it is…

Hey ‘80s and ‘90s Kids, Do You Remember These Defunct Mall Stores?

Cool Kevin’s Single Earrings In the ‘80s there was nothing…