1. She walks into her dressing room, and a burning bush that looks vaguely like Barak Obama tells her it would probably be a good idea.
2. All the cars that she gifted audience members simultaneously break down and explode.
3. Her publicist mentions HGTV is jonesing for a before and after White House makeover show.
4. Michelle Obama calls her up and says, “it’s easier than it looks, and EVERYONE will buy your Tasty Soups and Sides.
5. She dubs herself her own spiritual leader, looks in a mirror and tells herself to run.
6. Her five dogs, Luke, Layla, Sadie, Sunny and Lauren all bark simultaneously and bow their heads in reverence.
7. While meditating, she’s struck by the significance of her own quote: “Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another stepping stone to greatness.”
8. The sequel to her book “What I Know for Sure: That I Should Run for President” comes out.
9. Queen Sugar viewership drops below 1 million
10. Her pitch to turn “The Color Purple” into a series gets turned down by Netflix.
11. She only gets a SAG Award nomination for her Mrs. Which performance in “A Wrinkle In Time.”
12. She’s not named one of the world’s most influential people by Time, Forbes or CNN this year.
13. Her children ask her to.
14. Ellen Degeneres decides to run for president.
Ally Hirschlag is a writer from Brooklyn who lives with mild anxiety over what her cats are doing in the other room. You can find her work at Mic, Upworthy, Teen Vogue, and elsewhere. Follow her on Twitter @allyhirschlag.