Flies the Democratic Candidates Are Dropping Like

House flies

Senate flies

Flies who joined in the swarm of flies in the beginning because it seemed like a good idea at the time

Flies who had some good ideas about flying but had never actually flown in any official capacity

Flies who made some buzz every now and then but otherwise everyone sort of forgot they were there

Flies who couldn’t appeal to the larvae

Flies who only appealed to the larvae

Non-white flies

Flies who, realistically, can accomplish more on the ground

Flies who could never get off the ground in the first place

No seriously, pretty much only the non-white flies seem to be dropping?

“Flies on the wall,” where “the wall” represents “the margins of an already overcrowded primary race.”

Flies who kept being edged off the debate stage by rich old white flies who are still flying for some fucking reason.

I mean honestly, who even are some of these flies?

Flies who realized they were fighting the other flies for a spot on top of a steaming pile of shit, which, if you stop to think about it, seems pretty silly.

Flies who could have been a great candidate and now everyone kind of regrets ignoring them.

That last one was Kamala Harris.

Flies in the year 2030—if we don’t elect the right fly in 2020—which is when the UN predicts climate catastrophe will hit and, who knows, maybe fly climates will be too warm for flies to even inhabit the Earth? Maybe there won’t even BE any more flies?

Anyway, for the love of god, just vote for the last blue fly flying.