Totally Straight High School News Your Administration Will Approve Of
“Student journalists dedicated their final issue in June to LGBTQ issues, writing two columns on the topic and a news article about the origins of Pride Month. Then, after publication, the school retaliated.” –NYT, 8/29/22
Report From Back of Band Bus: Nothing Queer To See Here
Choir To Put on Concert Consisting of Dave Matthews Band Discography
Closeted Science Teacher Gives Lesson in Straight Physics
Homecoming Court Includes No Students With Hair Dyed Purple
AP English Writes Essay on Heterosexual Themes in Writing of Oscar Wilde
Administration Bans Queer Students From ”Sitting Like That”
Drama Club Putting on All Straight Production of ‘A Chorus Line’
Football Team Promises They Still Use Gay as an Insult
English Department Announces Pronouns No Longer Allowed in Student Writing
Op-Ed: 347 Reasons Why Principal Davis is Heterosexual, by Principal Davis
Cafeteria To No Longer Serve
Guidance Counselors To Hold Seminar on Getting Into Any School Except Emerson College
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Bobbie Armstrong is a former child, current writer and student. Her work has appeared on McSweeney’s, Slackjaw, Belladonna Comedy, Little Old Lady, and her parents’ fridge. Follow her existential crisis @bobbien_
