Mark and Sandra have been star-crossed lovers since the very beginning! Until they were stupid enough to put their relationship on national television while we pulled them apart at the seams and filmed them arguing about crown molding for 45 minutes! Now, with one of them crying and the other one sleeping on the sofa, […]
You smell slightly less awful then the other hippies. So, what do you think Bernie’s doing right now? Me? I came because I think Ashton Kutcher’s going to run out in a trucker hat with the biggest Punk’d ever. You know, Chuck Schumer told me that at the stroke of 12 we all take our […]
The Declaration of Independence, for Ivanka to use as coasters and napkin for her holiday party at the 21 Club An extra story put on the White House, so Trump could put his name on it Three interns for Don Jr., who doesn’t have a real role yet. One for assisting, one for sleeping with, […]
NOW HIRING: Reverse Psychologist You don’t really want this job. You wouldn’t be good at it and probably wouldn’t like it. Don’t call 425-569-1014 for more details. WANTED: Small Intestine Model For Medical TV Show Ever watch medical dramas on TV when they put the camera through the patient’s bowels while watching on a […]
100m Police Chase Rusty Wire Fence Hurdles Smoke-Grenade Shotput Skeet Shooting Tourists In The Leg Weightlifting Equipment Out Of News Vans Hide and Go Rob Individual DressUpLikePolice… Oh wait, nevermind. Synchronized Looting Sewage Waste Diving Team Handball
Drink every time someone says that they are NOT Donald Trump Drink every time Tim Kaine speaks Spanish, in case you forgot Drink every time Debbie Wasserman Schultz gets booed Drink every time Bernie Sanders talks about how he was treated unfairly Drink every time anyone in an ironic pun t-shirt is shown on camera […]
Drink every time the camera pans to an overweight woman in a barbershop quartet hat, nodding silently to herself Drink every time a policy is condemned, without offering a new solution themselves Drink every time a current or former contestant of Celebrity Apprentice shows up to speak Drink every time a D-Lister shows up to […]
Great Escapain’ Eng-leave Great Bail-in’ Boris, Farage, Auf wiedersehen, Goodbye! The Scottish Goodbye Fuck EU Very Much Boris’ Relief The Farage Identity The Farage Supremacy The Farage Ultimatum The Thelma and Louise Cliff Jump Of Politics Grexit The English Extradition The Red Wire/Blue Wire Cut Scene Gone Wrong The Screw Everything Campaign Faraginator 2: Judgement […]
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1. When Harry Met Sally Instead of it taking Harry and Sally ten years of dating and getting over each others ex’s and randomly bumping into one another, the movie would instead take place over only a few weeks when they both saw each other on Tinder. 2. You’ve Got Mail Kathleen would have immediately run to […]
Speaker of the House Paul Ryan announced this week that he would not be able to endorse Donald Trump as the presumptive GOP nominee for president in 2016. Ryan has been looked at to take the nomination at the convention but has been outspoken in turning it down, even though he also said he would never want […]
Hello, thank you all for coming today. We are here not to mourn, but to instead celebrate the life of Henchman 43 of Cobra Command, better known to all of us, as Dave, who met his unfortunate death yesterday at the hands of G.I. Joe after being launched into that active Volcano from his helicopter pod. Dave was a […]
It looks like it’s getting to be about that time. The time for Ted Cruz to find work. We had some good times, some laughs, some close calls that almost sent America to a downward spiral in which we would be unrecoverable and lose all rights and be forced to marry our guns ( but […]