Bernie Sanders Campaign Groupie Sex Diary

It’s proven to be a passionate electoral season, and voters have become particularly impassioned by Democratic nominee Bernie Sanders. Sanders, a self-proclaimed socialist who’s been in government most of his life, is also proving vastly popular among young female voters. Thanks to intrepid reporting we’ve been made privy to a few of the private “sex diaries” that these groupies – some new to the campaign, some decades-long ‘Bern-outs’ – apparently tend to keep.

Here, then, is a titillating glimpse of the incorrigible Bernie Sanders whistle-stop fuck-train:


“My first night on the bus was mind-opening in so many ways,” writes ‘Heather.’ “For most of the evening, as we sped down the highway, puffs of pot smoke billowed out of the cracked-open windows. As we toked into the night, the burning in my lungs became a ‘berning’ in my loins. Before long Bernie took two of us into the sleeping quarters in the back and, like a true socialist, made sure we were both fully – and equitably – satisfied. After a sensible session with this gentle yet vigorous lover, it was only then I realized his trademark unkempt hair was the result of habitually leaving the bus fresh after administering equitable sexual enchantment.”


But, that was hardly all.


“Last night was the greatest experience of my life,” writes ‘Trisha’. “LeShawn, Justine and I were taken into Bernie’s hotel room and kept there, as Bernie’s personal communal property, throughout a two-day campaign stop. I had never had sex with a man that old before, but before I knew it he had us all experimenting with one another while he stood at the foot of the bed, his member at full attention, as he coolly recited his campaign strategy for economic reform. Eros, dear diary, was at that moment radically redefined.”


During our stay on the Sanders campaign bus, we witnessed roughly six or seven young ladies cycle on and off the bus over the course of a five-day week, and we weren’t the only ones who picked up on one particular fact.

“Bernie has that jungle fever,” we were told by ‘LaShawn’. It seemed that at any given time, Sanders had four or five black women as part of his groupie entourage. As one diary entry illustrated, this was not uncommon.


For my second night on the bus, Bernie wanted six of us to lay on the bed in a circle, black to white to black and so on, with our mouths buried in each others’ privates. Some of the ladies were a little unfamiliar with this, but after my time with Joe Biden on the Obama campaign, I was very used to delving deep into other women. This was a unique experience, though, and it was only further proof of just how adamant he has always been about civil rights. It was then that I felt his cock in my ass.”


Though we left the campaign trail after only a short stint, it was very clear from the stories we heard that Bernie’s passion wasn’t limited to political reform. However, Sanders may need to slow things down just a tad – at one rest stop one enthusiastic supporter was spotted procuring some ointment, claiming she was ‘feeling the bern just a bit too much’.


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Illustration by Ahmed Wahaj