You’re probably aware of the game they call football. But have you ever imagined that the moves you see in a football game could be used to your advantage while out on the town?
Picture this: You’re at a bar. You’re having fun. You feel great because it’s 2018 and surely everyone understands the concept of respecting each other. Maybe you see some people you know, and maybe they introduce you to their creepy friend. This guy probably has no redeeming qualities other than the fact that he’s “nice.” He leans into “hear you better” and his hand is on his way to your lower back. You sense it coming and you FAKE HIM OUT. Do you feel the dust settling from how quickly that rejection just happened?
Well, here we have that move and others that you can use when the grown man across the bar (who is definitely NOT having a midlife crisis), and any other undesirable person, comes your way.
The Heisman: This one was made into a trophy because it works so well. When you get a cringy “Come here often?” or feel hands that you certainly didn’t ask for on your body, make your displeasure known. This moved served with a dash of side eye can crumble nations. PLUS, small arm movements like this can be incorporated into your workout to improve your tone.
The Spin Move: You can channel your inner Tasmanian Devil while getting out of whatever situation the mouth breather that just tried to dance with you created. For this move, just think in the realm of a spin dance move – but way more aggressive. For extra style points, ask the guy if he’s ten years older than you think he is, just to rattle his bones. You get away and he gets a life crisis.
Back Step: This one is good when you see knock off Criss Angel start coming near you, which isn’t surprising since he’s been staring all night like he’s trying to mind control you into finding him attractive. This move is like packing your lunch the night before – effective AND proactive.
Physical Interference: This should be saved as a last resort. Only if you’re being boxed in by a lean against the wall or crowded bar area. It has a 100% success rate but also opens potential for assault charges.
Hiding: Okay so this is not a traditional football move, and probably warranted an excessive celebration penalty, but that doesn’t make it any less inspirational for your night out on the town. This move goes perfectly with the Interest/Size Principle (Every moment someone becomes less interesting your bladder shrinks, causing you to abruptly seek refuge from the conversation by hitting up the bathroom.).This move is also extremely effective when you see a high school friend you don’t want to talk to. It can be executed in groups as well. Trojan horse yourself away from social interaction via dance circle. Avoid elevated surfaces.
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Delaney a college student and comedy writer from Atlanta. She has an unhealthy love for Twitter and is probably wearing some sort of lounge worthy clothing right now. Also check out thecroutongt.com!