I’m Sorry for Wearing a Sexy Nurse Costume to Your Event But It’s Kinda Your Fault for Having It Close to Halloween

I’m sorry I didn’t open the Evite and read the details about the family event you kindly invited me to.

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I’m sorry I kept our pinky promise from when we were 12 that we’d always dress up for Halloween.

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I’m sorry I brought pumpkin spice Jell-O shots to the classy restaurant you generously rented out for your family visiting from Colorado and a few close friends.

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I’m sorry I pregamed with a few Jell-O shots before I arrived.

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I’m sorry I got into a fight with the restaurant manager who tried to get me to throw away the Jell-O shots I spent all afternoon making.

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I’m sorry I threw a vase at the restaurant manager that your aunt made in her glass blowing studio in Colorado.

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I’m sorry I consumed all the remaining Jell-O shots myself.

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I’m sorry I invited 10 random people to your private family and friends shindig and told them it was going to be a rager.

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I’m sorry they showed up.

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I’m sorry I threw up from all those Jell-o shots in the coat room, who had the white vintage mink coat? Was it your mom? I’m sorry.

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I’m sorry I jumped out of the coat room wearing a Jason mask and scared the kids.

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I’m sorry your uncle from Colorado happened to be with them and had a heart attack.

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I’m sorry his wife thought I was a real nurse and tried to get me to help him.

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I’m sorry I thought I could “fake it till I make it” and tried to give your uncle CPR.

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I’m sorry your uncle decided to reassess his life after what turned out to be a panic attack and is now leaving your aunt.

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I’m sorry your uncle has moved into your spare bedroom that you just finished remodeling as your office.

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I’m sorry I screamed “Trick or Treat” in your face when you tried to talk to me.

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But happy vow renewal to your parents on their ruby anniversary! Kinda bad timing they got married on Oct 29th, huh?