QaDon’s- American Bistro For American’s Who Don’t Like America

“Spend Your Independence Day Exerting Your Independence From American Values and Basic Human Decency With Our Special Fourth Of July Menu!!!”

“Each of our meals is served on a paper replica of the Constitution, perfect for soaking up all of the gooey grease and spills!”

 

Specialty Drinks

 

Plead The Fifth-   Drink several of these bourbon-based drinks and you truly won’t remember what you knew about the planning of January 6th!

 

Stormy The Capital-   Like combining several of Trump’s scandals into one, this drink randomly mixes up a concoction sure to send you running for our poorly list restrooms.

 

Hang Mike Pence!-   Just one Hang Mike Pence equals one very hungover you!

 

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Starters

 

Taters For Traitors-   This may appear to be a small plate containing a few plain, cold, soggy fries, but trust us, we can ensure you that it’s actually a plate piled high with hot fries, creamy nacho cheese, bacon and chives, with a large dollop of sour cream.     Who are you going to believe, us or them?

 

Spineless Buffalo Bites-   If you like boneless buffalo bites, then you’re going to love our Spineless Buffalo Bites!     Bright orange and with a foul aftertaste that will linger for years, yet surprisingly easy for gullible diners to swallow time and time again.

 

Stop The Stale!-    We truly wish that we could, but we have a lot of stale tortilla chips here in the kitchen.    We won’t order any new, fresh chips until these are gone, and there’s nothing that you can do about it, so you might as well dig in.

 

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Main Dishes

 

Oats Keepers-    Look, you’re obviously an angry, closeminded person.    Some of that may be attributed to your out-of-date beliefs and racist ideology, but some of it may be due to your extreme constipation (ie, that’s probably not an actual stick up your butt).    Solve at least one of those problems with this delicious medley of oats and lukewarm dishwater.

 

BBQanon Ribs-    Aside from being tangy, robust and delicious, these ribs are coated with an amazing glaze that cures the common cold and allows you to see into the future (where Trump is President For Life, naturally).

 

TrumpBurger-    According to the official numbers, the majority of Americans find this to be a repugnant and overly greasy stack of lard and questionable meat.    Still, you guys seemingly can’t get enough, so here you go.

 

Coup d’soup-   This rancid combination of ingredients may seem to be hastily gathered together, but in actually have been simmering on the backburner for months.    Allow this noxious goo to perform an insurrection on your stomach, and the contents of same will be returned far more quickly than the rioters were expelled on January 6th.

 

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Dessert

Evangelical Cake-   Plenty of nuts.