Gridiron Giggles. Today's cartoon by Zack Rhodes.

Empire State of Sorrow. Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

And did that fumble happen because the player is troubled by his girlfriend’s recent betrayal? Or because his ego is out of control and he’s been lazy at practice? Until I know his underlying emotional journey, I’m struggling to give a damn, honestly.

“Dad,” you say. “It’s poetry!” “NO,” he yells. “It’s BASEBALL. We should have never sent you to [liberal arts college]!!” Of course, you were both right. Which is why I’m coming clean...

Flag on the play! My wallet! Today's cartoon by Lars Kenseth.

Q. Wait, what is this? Ooh, is it a mystery solved by a clever Golden Retriever? A. Unfortunately, it is not (wouldn’t that be great, though? Are there any dog-detective shows out there? Netflix? Hulu? Anyone?). This scandal involves two women who bang English football stars for a living, and thus are also social media, uh, “stars.” WAG stands for “Wives and Girlfriends”; you can do the math on the rest.

MERMAID WITH WINGS HOLDING A SKULL: How’s the show going, guys? I can’t see anything because I’m on the back.

Oh, hello there. I’m actor and singing legend Art Garfunkel, and I’m wondering whether you and Gary are free to watch the Super Bowl with me on Sunday. Just a few friends gathering together, reveling in the thrill and glory of spor—no, not a big party. Just a few friends. Ah, no, Paul won’t be there.

At a recent NFL owners meeting, owners expressed great concern at the steep drop in television viewership and the cataclysmic decline in attendance. They asked, what can we do to save football? Simple. One thing. Make the whole game the opening sequence of NBC’s Sunday Night Football. That’s it. Sixty minutes of Carrie Underwood. In a fringed leather bustier.

The NFL announced a new national anthem policy today:   Players…

The first football was built as part of a New Deal–era jobs…