Trauma incurred by having accidentally glimpsing his scabby, liver-spotted head sans wig.
The amount of McDonald’s burger cheese dolloped onto her in bed with Trump was more extensive and grotesque than any bukakke scene she’s ever filmed.
She didn’t realize that he would become president and drag her good name through the mud.
If she had met Eric Trump beforehand, she never would have allowed Donald Trump’s semen anywhere near her.
She still can’t get the tanning goo stains off of her sheets.
What she had to swallow was even worse than what the American public has been having to swallow for the past year.
She’s still suffering traumatic claustrophobia from that one time he wanted to get on top, which has greatly affected her film career.
By siding with the religious right, he’s significantly harming her career, as they only seem to like gay porn.
Hasn’t been able to remove from inside her what she believed to be a sex toy of his, which actually turned out to be a Happy Meal toy.
He always would quickly devour his extra large order of fries, and then begin stealing from her medium order.
Just for being a shitty president.
illustration by @martydundics
Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence