The Real Reasons That Stormy Daniels Is Suing Trump

Trauma incurred by having accidentally glimpsing his scabby, liver-spotted head sans wig.

The amount of McDonald’s burger cheese dolloped onto her in bed with Trump was more extensive and grotesque than any bukakke scene she’s ever filmed.

She didn’t realize that he would become president and drag her good name through the mud.

If she had met Eric Trump beforehand, she never would have allowed Donald Trump’s semen anywhere near her.

She still can’t get the tanning goo stains off of her sheets.

What she had to swallow was even worse than what the American public has been having to swallow for the past year.

She’s still suffering traumatic claustrophobia from that one time he wanted to get on top, which has greatly affected her film career.

By siding with the religious right, he’s significantly harming her career, as they only seem to like gay porn.

Hasn’t been able to remove from inside her what she believed to be a sex toy of his, which actually turned out to be a Happy Meal toy.

He always would quickly devour his extra large order of fries, and then begin stealing from her medium order.

Just for being a shitty president.

illustration by @martydundics