• A Christmas Carol… If It Had Gone Horribly Wrong Within The First Few Minutes

    Christmas Eve 1843 was a fairly good day for Scrooge, at least by his twisted standards. He'd only gotten to foreclose on three widows and hadn't kicked a single orphan, but he did get to reject a dinner invitation from his nephew Fred in a particularly brutal way and he made absolute mincemeat out of two charity chumps who foolishly came into the office, scrounging for donations.

    Read more
  • Escaping Flavortown with Guy Fieri

    You wake up in a pile of giant calamari, and the hot oil stings your skin. The gargantuan halos are looped around your arms and legs, pulling you down. They’re fresh out of the fryer and hot, hot, hot! How did you get here? You don’t know. You remember nothing. You just know you’re burning to death in an oversized appetizer of crispy, crispy rings. It does smell good, though--perhaps a hint of lemon.

    Read more
  • CARTOON: Brewed Awakening

    Caffeine Curriculum. Today's cartoon by Todd Condron.

    Read more
  • CARTOON: Northern Exposure

    Frosty Flash. Today's cartoon by Rich Sparks.



    Read more
  • CARTOON: Crash Course

    Steer Clear. Today's cartoon by Kyle Bravo.

    Read more

THIS WEEK’S

Issue

Get a subscription to Weekly Humorist Today! Get 4 weeks for $2.99!

Listen in on the joke…

Humorist Podcasts

The Cartoon Pad w/ guest Liza Donnelly

On today’s Cartoon Pad, the award-winning New Yorker cartoonist, author, teacher, TED Talk speaker and film producer and director, Liza Donnelly. Her new film project Women Laughing is a featured kickstarter now, check it out and get some great perks! https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/womenlaughingfilm/women-laughing

Humorist Books

Featuring humor novels, cartoon collections, children’s book parodies, and more!

Greg Maxwell’s Inferno:The Erotic, Judeo-Christian, Modern-Day Odyssey No One Asked For

by Keith James

Hell has come to claim the last mortal universe. A bleeding tower has burst through the 24-Hour Fitness parking lot. Demons circle the city of San Diego. One name is called to challenge Lucifer’s Champion: Greg Maxwell.

BUY NOW

Lyssa Strata: A Comedy for the Frustrated 

by Martti Nelson

A small-town librarian finds her voice and kicks some misogynist butt in the process. Inspired by the classical Greek comedy, Lysistrata, librarian Lyssa Strata has long begged the Town Council of Athena, Massachusetts to repeal its disgusting, old, misogynist, and racist laws, but the Council, an all-male entity for 400 years, has blown her off as a redheaded spinster—who, according to a 1673 law, should legally be run out of town at the end of a musket upon a poor fiscal year. When Lyssa seeks to invade the male bastion as the first woman ever on the Council, the men in charge treat her candidacy as a hilarious joke; that is, until Lyssa leads the women of the town on a sex strike.

BUY NOW 

The Witch Demands a Retraction: Fairy Tale Reboots for Adults

by Melissa Balmain (Author), Ron Barrett (Illustrator)

Pinocchio Runs for Office, The Peeved Piper, Not So Snow White and so many more in this twisted collection of adult fairy tales!

This hilarious collection of poems by Melissa Balmain puts a grown-up, contemporary spin on the stories and characters we all learned as children, from Little Red Riding Hood, to the Three Bears, the Pied Piper, and Cinderella; each delightfully depicted in full-color by Ron Barrett, (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs) one of the best and award winning illustrators in the business.

BUY NOW 

Seven Easy Steps To Go To Hell

by Brandon Hicks

What you see is not always the whole picture, as you’ll learn on your journey to HELL!

Occupying the lowest rung on the demonic corporate ladder, Beezle, Buzzle, and Barb have the unenviable task of ensuring enough souls are going to Hell. Using their patented Seven Deadly Sins™ method, the trio explains how you can get yourself a one-way ticket.

BUY NOW 

The # * % < ! + & Year in Review

by Ron Hauge

From Emmy® Award winner Ron Hauge (The Simpsons, Seinfeld, The Ren & Stimpy Show, In Living Color) comes ‘The # * % < ! + & Year In Review', a retrospective collection of single-panel, full-color cartoons selected from his popular Instagram account. The year 2020 will not soon be forgotten, but perhaps we can gain a little perspective with these biting, often outrageous illustrations lampooning Trump, the pandemic, social unrest, the whole mess. BUY NOW 

The Elements of Stress and the Pursuit of Happy-ish in this Current Sh*tstorm

by Bob Eckstein & Michael Shaw

THE ELEMENTS OF STRESS and the Pursuit of Happy-ish in this Current Sh*tstorm is a humorous handbook to help readers better deal with the challenges and headaches of our times, from overeating, to love problems, money woes, global warming, night sweats, winter itch, general anxiety, and so much more. Plus, over 70 stress-defusing cartoons from two of the best gag cartoonists

BUY NOW 

Dumb Jokes For Smart Folks

by Jessica Delfino

Dumb Jokes For Smart Folks delivers a grown-up spin on the quintessential children’s joke book. Chock-full of silly wordplay and looney leaps in logic, this collection touches on a variety of topics and themes, from the great outdoors, to celebrities, outer space, and recreational cannabis. Perfect for readers who wish to reconnect with their inner-child or anyone who enjoys a good guffaw- or groan-worthy joke.

BUY NOW 

A Gaslight in the Attic

by Matt Lassen

A Gaslight in the Attic is an expert satire of the Donald Trump presidency written from the perspective of the man himself! The book parodies the Shel Silverstein classic “A Light in the Attic” with original poems chronicling Trumpisms, his lies and contradictions and the classic “look this way so you don’t see that” gaslighting at its best! The over 70 hilarious original poems include original Shel Silverstein-esque pen and ink illustrations to enjoy along with it!

BUY NOW 

A Gaslight in the Attic

by Matt Lassen

A Gaslight in the Attic is an expert satire of the Donald Trump presidency written from the perspective of the man himself! The book parodies the Shel Silverstein classic “A Light in the Attic” with original poems chronicling Trumpisms, his lies and contradictions and the classic “look this way so you don’t see that” gaslighting at its best! The over 70 hilarious original poems include original Shel Silverstein-esque pen and ink illustrations to enjoy along with it!

BUY NOW 

From the Campaign Trail or Thereabouts

by Michael Bleicher & Andy Newton

From the Campaign Trail or Thereabouts dives into the contradictory, divided, and all-too-often unsettling state of the union. Like Huck Finn meets Game Change, the novel examines the politicians and popular figures who played starring roles in 2016 and holds up a mirror to the electorate that ultimately made Trumpism possible.

BUY NOW 

How Amusing

Read what all the fuss is about…

A Christmas Carol… If It Had Gone Horribly Wrong Within The First Few Minutes

Christmas Eve 1843 was a fairly good day for Scrooge, at least by his twisted standards. He’d only gotten to foreclose on three widows and hadn’t kicked a single orphan, but he did get to reject a dinner invitation from his nephew Fred in a particularly brutal way and he made absolute mincemeat out of two charity chumps who foolishly came into the office, scrounging for donations.

Escaping Flavortown with Guy Fieri

You wake up in a pile of giant calamari, and the hot oil stings your skin. The gargantuan halos are looped around your arms and legs, pulling you down. They’re fresh out of the fryer and hot, hot, hot! How did you get here? You don’t know. You remember nothing. You just know you’re burning to death in an oversized appetizer of crispy, crispy rings. It does smell good, though–perhaps a hint of lemon.

#CarnalCarols

12 Lays of Christmas, We Threesome Kings, Jingle balls, and more #CarnalCarols on this week’s trending joke game!

Christmas Songs For Spinsters

O Horny Night, You’re a Mean One, Mr. Hinge, Sad Old Broad is Coming to Town, I Want a Hypnotherapist For Christmas, and many more!

Lesser Known Facts About House Speaker Mike Johnson

Truly believes that God sent Donald Trump to lead America, and yet still chooses to be a Christian anyway.

It’s Time to Get Hard

I needed to find one of these wise gurus who is a leader in anti-softness like Bill Maher so I could tell him in person (the best way) about what I learned on this journey (so much). But when I broke into his studio, he just called for security, which kind of surprised me. I thought from his complaining about the woke youth that he wanted to collaborate mano a (wo)mano with hardos like me.

House Resolution: Renaming Donald Trump’s “Transition” Team to Reflect That He Is Biologically President

A “Biological President” is naturally “male,” meaning an individual who has, had, or would have, but for a historical polo accident, the reproductive system that at some point produces, transports, and ejects sperm for exclusively male purposes, such as fertilization or so-called “sexual assault,” which is defined as the legal and victim-less playboy antics of a rogue, rake, or rapscallion.

How the Grinch Robbed Nakotomi Plaza

Every Who down in Who-ville liked Christmas a lot.

But the Grinch, who used to work for Nakotomi Corporation, DID NOT!

#DisgustingDecorations

Mistletoe Jam, 2 Turd Doves, Randy Canes, and more #DisgustingDecorations on this week’s trending joke game!

As a Lesbian, I’m So Relieved a Straight Woman Just Slid Into My DM’s to Let Me Know That Trump Is Actually the Biggest Champion of LGBTQ Rights

But then, a beacon of light emerged from the darkness, in the form of my friends’ mom sliding into my Instagram DM’s with a weird, out-of-context reel where a few self-described gay people I’ve literally never seen or heard of before informed me that I shouldn’t be concerned at all. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I should be relieved and grateful that Trump won, because he is the biggest champion of LGBTQ rights. 

#MeanMedicines

Pepto Buzzkill, Jerktec, Acetameanophen, and more #MeanMedicines on this week's trending joke game!

Miami’s Startling New Demographic Trends Explained

#4: TWERKERS: Once a niche demographic group, this festive part of the population has undergone an awe-inspiring expansion. Twerkers are found mainly over in South Beach where they can be seen slamming their generously developed hindquarters onto the hoods of muscle cars cruising up and down Ocean Drive. They are the number-one cause of the rising costs of car insurance in Miami-Dade County.

 I’m Building A Wall Around My Heart, And This Wall Will Have A Glory Hole

Okay, first of all, I’m not being reactionary here; this is not an excuse to be dramatic and throw a hissy fit.   But the current situation in my love life has become untenable, and I have therefore been forced into a corner where my only option is to build a towering, securely built wall around my heart.   And this wall will contain a glory hole.

Post-Election Emergency Memo From Your Corporation's Head of User Experience

In light of recent events, I’ve been told by the upper echelons of our corporation to remind everyone that we should keep our political opinions to ourselves. They have assured me, and tasked me with assuring you, that corporate work exists in a beautiful, untouchable bubble floating above the needs and wellbeing of U.S. citizens—transitory, illusory, and ultimately unperturbed by the goings-on of the people the corporation aims to turn into customers. 

So You’ve Decided to Live Out Your Days in a Remote Monastery: What Next?

ST. GEORGE MONASTERY (MONTENEGRO) Now this is what I'm talking about! Back in the day, St. George had the good sense to build his monastery on a picturesque little island off the coast of Montenegro in the Adriatic Sea. Looks like a good place to bring a catamaran. Now, supposedly, this place is not open to the public. But you're no mere tourist! You're joining up, remember? So slip on  your wetsuit, grab your longboard, and hang ten toward some inner peace, dude. Some Debbie Downers out there will tell you that this place is called the "Island of the Dead," but that's just because there's a cemetery there, not because of any zombie outbreaks. That we know of.

#NewAmericaSlogans

Scars & Stripes Forever, All we have to fear is ourselves, One Nation Under Fraud, and more #NewAmericaSlogans on this week's trending joke game!

'Twas the Night of the Election (or "A Visit from St. Kornacki")

‘Twas the night of the election, and all over cable news, / Not a network was covering anything but red states and blues. / The pundits were booked on the panel shows with care, / As one spoke, ten others all nodded and stared.

 Get The Weekly Humorist Updates!



A Christmas Carol... If It Had Gone Horribly Wrong Within The First Few Minutes

Christmas Eve 1843 was a fairly good day for Scrooge, at least by his twisted standards. He'd only gotten to foreclose on three widows and hadn't kicked a single orphan, but he did get to reject a dinner invitation from his nephew Fred in a particularly brutal way and he made absolute mincemeat out of two charity chumps who foolishly came into the office, scrounging for donations.

Escaping Flavortown with Guy Fieri

You wake up in a pile of giant calamari, and the hot oil stings your skin. The gargantuan halos are looped around your arms and legs, pulling you down. They’re fresh out of the fryer and hot, hot, hot! How did you get here? You don’t know. You remember nothing. You just know you’re burning to death in an oversized appetizer of crispy, crispy rings. It does smell good, though--perhaps a hint of lemon.

CARTOON: Brewed Awakening

Caffeine Curriculum. Today's cartoon by Todd Condron.

CARTOON: Northern Exposure

Frosty Flash. Today's cartoon by Rich Sparks.

CARTOON: Crash Course

Steer Clear. Today's cartoon by Kyle Bravo.

#CarnalCarols

12 Lays of Christmas, We Threesome Kings, Jingle balls, and more #CarnalCarols on this week's trending joke game!

Christmas Songs For Spinsters

O Horny Night, You're a Mean One, Mr. Hinge, Sad Old Broad is Coming to Town, I Want a Hypnotherapist For Christmas, and many more!

Lesser Known Facts About House Speaker Mike Johnson

Truly believes that God sent Donald Trump to lead America, and yet still chooses to be a Christian anyway.

It’s Time to Get Hard

I needed to find one of these wise gurus who is a leader in anti-softness like Bill Maher so I could tell him in person (the best way) about what I learned on this journey (so much). But when I broke into his studio, he just called for security, which kind of surprised me. I thought from his complaining about the woke youth that he wanted to collaborate mano a (wo)mano with hardos like me.