Danielle Steel Chats With Guys On Hinge

[DANIELLE invited BLAKE to start the chat.]

 

BLAKE: How’s the quarantine treating you?

 

DANIELLE: Not well, Blake.

 

BLAKE: I know, right? Crazy times.

 

DANIELLE: “Crazy” is not applying sunblock before a summer’s outing in Montauk. This, my dear, this is insanity.

 

BLAKE: Totally. How was your weekend?

 

DANIELLE: Oh, the usual. I spent the better part of it in the driver’s seat of my anchored Porsche, staring into the familiar darkness of my garage. The transmission stayed parked while my mind raced, imagining all of the places I couldn’t go.

 

BLAKE: [thumbs up emoji]

 

DANIELLE: As I sat there, my eyes welled up with salty tears. One after the other, they fell onto the Nappa leather seats. A little pool collected. In it, I saw my reflection. Who is this damn woman staring back at me? A stranger, I presume.

 

BLAKE: Wanna FaceTime?

 

DANIELLE: No.

 

---

[ALEXANDER liked DANIELLE’S photo, captioned “Sourdough-re-me.”]

 

ALEXANDER: Did you bake that yourself?

 

DANIELLE: Of course. The bakery on 61^st and Lex has been closed for aeons.

 

ALEXANDER: It looks so good.

 

DANIELLE: Thanks.

 

ALEXANDER: Like SO good.

 

DANIELLE: …I’m listening…

 

ALEXANDER: It’s scored perfectly in the shape of a welcoming, almost sensual, smile.

 

DANIELLE: Go on…

 

ALEXANDER: When gently pushed, did the crust crackle like a slow-burning bonfire?

 

DANIELLE: Boy, you know it.

 

ALEXANDER: How about the dough?

 

DANIELLE: Don’t stop.

 

ALEXANDER: Was it light, fluffy, and soft to the touch?

 

DANIELLE: Talk gluten to me, dammit!

 

---

[DANIELLE liked JUSTIN’S photo, captioned “Quarantine with this good boy isn’t so *ruff*.”]

 

DANIELLE: [GIF: Joey from Friends saying “HOW YOU DOIN?”]

 

JUSTIN: [GIF: Rachel from Friends awkwardly winking]

 

DANIELLE: [crying laughing emoji]

 

JUSTIN: [GIF: An impossibly cute Bassett Hound puppy flying on a magic carpet – its ears gently flap in the wind as it looks around in an innocent wonderment – truly, this is the perfect GIF]

 

DANIELLE: [GIF: Dwight from The Office, choking up with happy tears, “Thank you”]

 

JUSTIN: [GIF: Beyoncé saying “You’re welcome” as she vanishes into the abyss]

 

[DANIELLE and BLAKE sit in silence, cherishing this simple yet blissful exchange. For a moment, all is right in the world.]

 

---

[DANIELLE liked IAN’S answer: You should *not* go out with me if… You think this is all some type of government conspiracy.]

 

DANIELLE: AMEN.

 

IAN: So many ridiculous people out there.

 

DANIELLE: YES. The government is far too incompetent to pull off such an intricate plot. I think the blood lies on the hands of a much more adept force.

 

IAN: Lol…

 

DANIELLE: Like my ex-lover, Jean-Paul.

 

IAN: Really?

 

DANIELLE: Only joking!

 

IAN: Phew [several laughing with relief emojis]

 

DANIELLE: …Though he was always complaining about traffic on the 101…

 

IAN: I can’t tell if you’re being serious.

 

DANIELLE: And after I left him, he vowed to prove his virility with an earth shattering virality… Maybe it was him. Maybe I’m just another fool who underestimated the sinister capabilities of an insecure man.

[pensive face, skull and crossbones, syringe with blood emojis]

 

[IAN unmatched DANIELLE.]

 

---

[JEAN-PAUL liked your answer: My most controversial opinion is… I know it was you… Jean-Paul.]

 

JEAN-PAUL: Hello.

 

DANIELLE: Figured I’d find you here.

 

JEAN-PAUL: I set my dating preferences to women who have split my heart in 2. I’ll give you a hint. There’s only 1.

 

DANIELLE: How dare you let one broken heart endanger the lives of millions??

 

JEAN-PAUL: What???

 

DANIELLE: Don’t play dumb, JP. Surely you’re the one behind this wretched bug.

 

JEAN-PAUL: [GIF: Shaggy singing “It Wasn’t Me”]

 

DANIELLE: [GIF: Joey from Friends sitting on the edge of his seat]

 

JEAN-PAUL: It was my FATHER.

 

DANIELLE: DAMN YOU TO HELL, DAMMIT.

 

[Conversation ends with DANIELLE and JEAN-PAUL coming to terms with their troubled past. JP forgives DANIELLE for abandoning him, and DANIELLE forgives JP for using his family wealth to fund the spread of a global pandemic out of spite. After the quarantine is over, they promise to catch up, as friends, at their favorite spot. The bakery on 61^st and Lex.]