I know that many of you have been severely worried about what has been happening in your home, the commercial starship Nostromo. With the recent and prolonged attack from the alien that popped out of Kane, we know there is a real sense of worry about becoming impregnated and/or mutilated by said alien. Which is why we are messaging you today to update you on the state of the Nostromo and relieve some of those misguided fears.

Santa means well, but let’s face it, he probably spreads the coronavirus just as readily as Christmas joy; there’s no way that those elves practice social distancing in those tiny toy-making sweatshops. So, how to best, for the time being, keep that fat jolly eggnog sucker out of your house?

Can't take my freedumb! Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

Including 'don't shake hands with the sun' and 'Stay at least 2 metres from the sun' And more!

Freedoom. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

“Using a tanning bed on it’s highest setting for several hours every day is great for you. If it weren’t, why would it make you , or me, look so healthy and photogenic?”

We are all stuck on this cruise ship. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

You sure? You should see the buffet! Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

Maybe a few more over the mouth to be safe. Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

As the chief architect of this revolutionary plan I would, of course, love to volunteer to test it out. However, I’ve got this hip thing that currently makes sexual flexibility a real challenge. But you guys go ahead and get it started!