We’ve been advised to stand 6 feet apart from others to avoid getting infected from COVID-19. But that begs the question, just exactly how far is 6 feet?! We did the math and made it easy for you so you can be a better judge at determining the appropriate amount of distance between you and other people.
Twenty pairs of tangled headphones lined up in a row.
You and your imaginary friend lying on the floor with your heads touching. (Make sure your imaginary friend is at least three inches). Need to adjust based on height.
Over the course of three months (or weeks), shave your pubes into tiny bundles and lay them out across the floor. That should be enough.
Michael Keaton and the Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role at the 87th Academy Awards.
The gaze between Marianne and Héloïse on the cliff in Portrait of a Lady on Fire. (Not to be confused with the gaze inside the cliff).
By keeping yourself at a safe distance, you are protecting others not only from the coronavirus, but from you. Because you are in fact, a disgusting human being.
Illustrations by Margalit Cutler
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SOPHIE SANTOS is a comedian who Time Out NY named as one of the LGBTQ POC comedians you should know. Her memoir will be published by Amazon and Jill Soloway’s Topple Books in April 2021. She hosts the monthly show The Lesbian Agenda at Union Hall, which was selected as part of the 2019 New York Comedy Festival and is currently in development. Follow her on Instagram @sophieesantos for lesbian propaganda.