Let’s Get High And Go To The Van Gogh Museum

Morning, bud. Jetlag messed you up? Well, it’s time to get dressed! We’re in Amsterdam, the trip we’ve been waiting for. I’ve read up on Lonely Planet, Frommer’s, and the NYTimes 36 Hours in Amsterdam. Did you see the Google Doc I sent you? No? No worries! There’s so much to see and do. This afternoon we’re going to the Van Gogh Museum to check the biggest thing off our list. Oh, and I guess we should get high beforehand.

I know I’ve never done marijuana before, but I hear the weed is different here, stronger, fancier, more European. Like people forget where they are and just wander the streets of Amsterdam, with time revealing itself as the manmade construct it’s always been. People say you’ll learn to live fully in the moment, and everything else falls away, like an ear falling off someone’s head.

Come on! We have to do that! And let’s make sure we set alarms on our phones because we really can’t miss our 3pm timed entry tickets to the largest collection of Van Gogh pieces in the world.

While we’re walking to the museum (high, of course), we should listen to some classical music on my Amsterdam Spotify Playlist. And let’s really take in the sounds around us. The bikes whooshing by, the boats along the canals. We’ll let our senses take over, and not overthink things. But once we get to the museum, we’ll have to snap out of it because we simply must read every one of the over 700 letters Van Gogh sent to his brother.

Smoking? What are you crazy? This is Europe! They get high in a much classier way. I’m talking edibles, my man. We’re going to chow down on space cakes and stuff stroopwafels down our gullets. Get ready for broodje haring, stamppot, and rijsttafel. Better be wearing elastic pants, ’cause we’re going to munch on all this Dutch goodness ’til we’re human bitterballen. And then we must go see Van Gogh’s The Potato Eaters, because that shit exploring the plight of 19th century peasants is a literal masterpiece.

Let’s get baked and go to Vondelpark to check out the tulips! Can you imagine how relaxing that will be? Just us, some THC, and that big ass Dutch sky. It’ll be so trippy to see like, real sunflowers and then see Van Gogh’s renowned series of sunflower oil paintings, completed between 1888–1889, you know?

But yeah, I want today to be incredibly chill. Just like us. Two chill dudes, chilling in Amsterdam, on a chill vacation. Van Gogh also did drugs! Did you know that? I learned all about it in that three part retrospective on his life and works on the History Channel.

Okay so that’s today. Tomorrow we’re going to fuck our brains out in the Red Light District before our 1pm timed entry to the Anne Frank House. I love this city!