Posts

If You Hire Me to Be Your Social Media Manager, I Guarantee I Will Decrease Your Online Presence

I don’t work for influencers, or brands, or really anyone who wants more social media followers. I work for the common scroller who realized one day that the internet would be a vastly better place if Aunt Jean stopped commenting “looks like you’ve been eating well” on your vacation pictures. 

Elon Musk’s Proposed Fee Schedule for X (formerly Twitter)

Per Post- .001, Per Re-post- .002, Per Musk Re-Post- free, and more!

Ridiculous Questions I Have About the New Social Media App Threads

Is this FINALLY a home for my hilarious cat videos? Will it be as butt-centric as Instagram? (Can it be?) And more!

#2022in4words

Staying’ Alive, Staying’ Alive, Supreme Court Vs America, I want a refund, and more #2022in4words on this week's trending joke game!

#SteamyCelebs

Jennifer Love Dew-it, Jean Claude Van Damp, Judith Drenched, and more #SteamyCelebs on this week's trending joke game!

#AchyActionMovies

The Sore Identity, Robotusssin Cop, The Last Traction Hero, and more #AchyActionMovies on this week's trending joke game!

Twitter.com's Exchanges & Returns

Before you publicly announce your intention to purchase this long standing social media site please be sure of the following: Log onto Twitter and ask yourself, "Do I want this?" I mean it. Open Twitter and actually say out loud, "Do I want to be the owner of this nightmare?"

#CowAComicBook

Dairydevil, Moo Knight, Aquamanure, and more #CowAComicBook on this week's trending joke game!

CARTOON: Social Currency

Fee Speech. Today's cartoon by Paul Lander and Dan McConnell.

#GhoulishGames

Casketball, Fear Pong, Spooks and Ladders, and more #GhoulishGames on this week's trending joke game!

#ScreamingStreamingShows

Game of Groans, Saved By The Yell, Freaks and Shrieks, and more #ScreamingStreamingShows on this week's trending joke game!

#GhoulishGroceries

Scabbage, Dead Crumbs, Creature from the Black Legume, and more #GhoulishGroceries on this week's trending joke game!

#IceCreamBaseballTeams

New York Melts, Colorado Rocky Road, Oakland Sorbets, and more #IceCreamBaseballTeams on this week's trending joke game!

#ColdCopShows

Thaw and Order, Chill St Blues, Coldlumbo, and more #CopCopShows on this week's trending joke game!

#CommodeAComedian

Loo Costello, Pee Pee Herman, Piss Rock, and more #CommodeAComedian on this week's trending joke game!

More Musk For Your Buck! Elon Musk's Planned Twitter Changes...

A special audio notification for all Twitter Platinum members, which goes off only in the event that my army of cyborg assassins is unleashed upon the unwashed masses, and allows you plenty of time to get settled into your spacious and luxurious underground bunker.

#RandyCandy

Reese’s C-Cups, Mike and Ike and Suzy, The Poly Rancher, and more #RandyCandy on this week's trending joke game!

#HorribleHousewares

Dude Processor, Whine Opener, Wife Sharpener, and more #HorribleHousewares on this week's trending joke game!

#VulgarVideoGames

Mario Fart, Foreplay Station, World Of Warmshaft, and more very immature #VulgarVideosGames on this week's trending joke game!

#SurlyCereals

Dreaded Wheat, CrankyBerry, Peanut Bitter Crunch, and more #SurlyCereals on this week's trending joke game!

#BugACelebrity

Wilson Cricket, Fly Stallone, Gnat King Cole, and more #BugACelebrity on this week's trending joke game!

#CatACar

Furrari, Mouserati, Purrche, and more #CatACar on this week's trending joke game!

#HeavyMetalMenuItems

David Lee Broth, Slayer Cake, Korn Muffins, and more #HeavyMetalMenuItems on this week's trending joke game!

#WetSitcoms

W*A*S*H, Boy Meets Swirled, King of the Spill, and more #WetSitcoms on this week's trending joke game!

#HornyHorrorMovies

Yankenstein, Sleepy Swallow, An American Werewolf in Linda, and more #HornyHorrorMovies on this week's trending joke game!

#SnakeASitcom

Laverne and ssssssshirley, Fresh Off The Bite, Serpent Strangers, and more #SnakeASitcom on this week's trending joke game!

#GrossGroceries

Dickles, Pop-Farts, Vomints, and more #GrossGroceries on today's trending joke game!

#HellishCocktails

Hex on the Beach, Sin & Tonic, Piña Ghoulada, and more #HellishCocktails on this week's trending joke game!

#RegretfulRealityShows

The Masked Swinger, Lancing with the Scars, America’s Got Debt, and more #RegretfulRealityShows on this week's trending joke game!

#SizzlingSitcoms

Brooklyn 99 Degrees, Welcome Back Hotter, Saved By The Hell, and more #SizzlingSitcoms on this week's trending joke game!

#DogASitcom

The Pawffice, Dharma and Beg, Brooklyn K99, and more #DogASitcom on this week's trending joke game!

CAPTCHAs for Women

Which of these pop stars from your youth were treated unfairly in ways that damaged your own sense of self? Hint: This is a trick, it’s all of them.

#BugABand

Boyz II Mantis, Ladybug Gaga, My Morning Yellow Jacket. and more #BugABand on this weeks trending joke game!

#RevoltingRestaurants

Pizza Butt, Jizzler, Booger Fling, and more #RevoltingRestaurants on this week's trending joke game!

#BookARomCom

Fun with Dick and Jane Eyre, 50 First Grapes of Wrath, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Groundhog Day, and more #BookARomCom on this week's trending joke game!

#FriskyFairyTales

Rumpledforeskin, The Pied Peeper, Puss 'n Boobs, and more #FriskyFairyTales on this week's trending joke game!

#ConservativeKidsCartoons

Dudley Do AltRight, Paw Patrol Lives Matter, Inspect Her Gadget. and more #ConservativeKidsCartoons on this week's trending joke game!

#WeedABreakfast

English Puffins, Baked Eggs, Pot Tarts, and more #WeedABreakfast on this week's trending joke game!

#VainVideoGames

Sonic the Attention Hog, Mine All MineCraft, Self-CenterPede, and more #VainVideoGames on this week's trending joke game!

#SinisterSocialMediaApps

SlinkedIn, Crapchat, Dreaddit, and more #SinisterSocialMediaApps on this week's trending joke game!

#ColdCandy

Nippies, 3 Frosketeers, Mike & Ice, and more #ColdCandy on this week's trending joke game!

CARTOON: New Trump Twitter

Anti-social Media. Today's cartoon by Dave Whamond.

#LustyLunches

Humplings, Legs Benedict, Flirt Steak, and more #LustyLunches on this week's trending joke game!

#RevoltingRomComs

While You Were Seeping, Rotting Hill, How to Lose a Sty in 10 Days, and more #RevoltingRomComs on this week's trending joke game!

#PoliticalPopSongs

Oops...I Impeached Him Again, Putin on the Ritz, Filibust A Move, and more #PoliticalPopSongs on this week's trending joke game!

#CelebAFood

Catherine Zeta Scones, Jon Hammburger, Dijon Warwick, and more #CelebAFood on this week's trending joke gme!

#BreakfastAMovie

The French Toast Connection, Romancing the Scone, Scream! Of Wheat, and more #BreakfastAMovie on this week's trending joke game!

#GrinchAGameShow

Steal Or No Steal, Card Farts, Manson Family Feud, and more #GrinchAGameShow on this week's trending joke game!

#FoodAMusical

Brittle Shop of Horrors, Fry Fry Birdie, Pies & Dolls, and more #FoodAMusical on this week's trending joke game!

#CrankyCocktails

Madhattan, Snidecar, Champagne In The Ass, and more #CrankyCocktails on this week's trending joke game!

#StressedCelebs

Betty White Knuckles, Harried Styles, ProZac Efron, and more #StressedCelebs on this week's trending joke game!

#SpookySeasonings

Scream of Tartar, Oreganoooo, Boosil, Goryander, and more #SpookySeasons on this week's trending joke game!

#HorrorVeggies

Lima Screams, The Texas Coleslaw Massacre, Kales from the Crypt, and more #HorrorVeggies on this week's trending joke game!

#MoodyMonsters

Sighclops, Sass quatch, Moodusa, and more #MoodyMonsters on this week's trending joke game!

#CelebABook

Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret Cho, LeBron James and the Giant Peach, The Ceelo Green Mile, and more #CelebABook on this week's trending joke game!

#RockBandRestaurants

Burger Kings of Leon, Uncle Cracker Barrel, Maroon 5 Guys, and more #RockBandRestaurants on this week's trending joke game!

#RottenRealityShows

Yuck Dynasty, Dancing With The Sars, Skin Hoarders, and more #RottenRealityShows on this week's trending joke game!

#NauseatingNovels

The Da Vinci Choad, Charlotte’s Web Search History, Gone Hurl, and more #NauseatingNovels on this week's trending joke game!

#RaunchyRockBands

Panic! At The Dildo, Spinal WAP, Death Cab for Booty, and more #RaunchyRockBands on this week's trending joke game!

#FishASitcom

Sharks and Recreation, The Dick Van Pike Show, The Shrimpsons, and more #FishASitcom on this week's trending joke game!

#MeanIceCream

Pissedtachio, Moose Traps, Butterface Pecan, and more #MeanIceCream in this week's trending joke game!

#SmellyCelebs

Old Spice Girls, Fart Simpson, N*STINK, and more #SmellyCelebs on this week's trending joke game!

1930s Life Skills Adapted for the Next Great Depression 2.0

Spruce up the walls of your shanty lean-to with copies of your viral tweet.

#VileVideoGames

Personal Space Invaders, Fartnite, Chronic the Hedgehog, and more #VileVideoGames on this week's trending joke game!

#SweatySweets

Bike & Ikes, Smelly Ranchers, B.O. Henry, and more #SweatySweets on this week's trending joke game!

#SuckyStreamingShows

The Man In The White Castle, Game of Scones, Dr. Whom, Comedians in Jars Getting Toffee, and more #SuckyStreamingShows on this week's trending joke game!

#GrossGrillGrub

Shart Ribs, T-Boner Steak, Snot Dogs, and more #GrossGrillGrub on this week's trending joke game!

What I Imagine Happens When Your Tweet Goes Viral

Dogs ask to be adopted specifically by you, You can discuss politics at family parties, and no one will argue with you, and more!

#SadSodas

Coke Zero Friends, Sunpissed, Ginger Fail, and more #SadSodas in this week's trending joke game!

#CelebAToy

Raggedy Anne Hathaway, GI Joan Collins, Pog the Bounty Hunter, and more #CelebAToy on this week's trending joke game!

COVID-19 Business E-mail Alerts You May Have Missed...

And as this pandemic has proven, there are a lot of dangerous, mentally unbalanced people posting less than truthful information on Twitter. From Russian bots and opportunistic hate groups to the president and his family, there are many unsavory predators lurking on Twitter.

#FuriousFruits

Honeydon’t, Sour Grapes, Mango to hell, and more #FuriousFruits on this week's trending joke game!

#KinkyCartoons

SpongeBob NoPants, Bi-Curious George, The Gimpsons, and more #KinkyCartoons on this week's trending joke game!

#EvilMusicals

The Tiger King and I, A Little Fright Music, Gaslight Express, Jared and the Amazing Technicolor Dumbass, and more #EvilMusicals on this week's trending joke game!

#GrossGameShows

Wheel of Foreskin, Rash Cab, Whose Swine is it Anyway?, and more #GrossGameShows on this week's trending joke game!

Why Did You Unfollow Me on Twitter?

Look, I’m not threatening you, but if you don’t re-follow me, I’ll have to unfollow you. Then I would have to manually check your Twitter every couple days to see what you’ve been saying, and that would really be a pain. 

#VivaciousVideoGames

Show Me Your Tetris, The Oregon Happy Trail, Assteroids, and more #VivaciousVideoGames on this week's joke game!

#DepressedDrinks

Grim & Tonic, Mountain Blue, Red Whine, and more #DepressedDrinks on this week's trending joke game!

#HornyHobbies

Master Baking, Morning Wood Working and Crotchet and more #hornyhobbies in our trending joke game!

#NaughtyBoardGames

'Blouse Trap', 'Go Fist', 'Sorry, Wrong Hole'. Oh my, things got adult and we trended with #NaughtyBoardGames on this week's joke game!

#CelebAnAnimal

Timothy Elephant, Chick Norris, Betty White Shark, and more #CelebAnAnimal on this week's joke game!

#FlirtyBooks

You’re Quite A Catch-22, Lord of the Bar Flies, Jurassic Spark and more #FlirtyBooks on this week's joke game!

John Lennon’s Tweets Regarding Last Night’s Fallon Appearance

The cancellation of celebs knows no bounds.

#IckyIceCream

Lint Chocolate Chip, Rocky RoadKill, Wookies & Cream and more #IckyIceCream on this weeks joke game!

#SnowmanAMovie

Chill Bill, Frosty/Nixon, Scarf Face, Frost in Space and more #SnowmanAMovie on this week's jokes game!

Little Women on Twitter

((Beth March @SewAwesomeBeth)) The ugly truth is: no one cares unless you’re pretty or dying... ((Meg March @RFLoverMeg: Sooo)) does that mean you’re on board for a makeover?

#MoodyMenuItems

Hater Tots, Scream Beans, & Sweet, Sour, Bitter, Angry Lonely Chicken! It's #MoodyMenuItems on this week's joke game!

#RhymeAResolution

'Quit the vape, get in shape', 'I resolve to evolve', 'Try to get more sleep and be less of a creep', and more #RhymeAResolution on this week's joke game!

#ArcadeTheDecade

Space Force Invaders, Sonic the Hedgefund Manager, Amazon Primecraft and more #ArcadeTheDecade on our weekly joke game!

#CatAChristmasCarol

Santa Claws is coming to town, Do They Know It’s Catsmas, God Rest Ye Meowy Gentlemen, and more #CatAChristmasCarol on this week's joke game!

#RuinAReindeer

Pole Dancer, Vomit Comet, Door Dasher and more ways to #RuinAReindeer on this week's joke game!

#SexySides

Sinner Rolls, Smash Potatoes, 50 Shades of Gravy, Undressing and more #SexySides on this week's joke game!

CARTOON: Why I Liked Your Tweet: An Infographic

Fat Fingers, Pity, and more.

#BadOfficeHabits

Smelly lunches, stealing pens, and playing on Twitter, #BadOfficeHabits on this week's joke game!

#RuinAPie

Leeches and Cream Pie, Crapple pie, Key Lyme and more #RuinAPie on this week's hashtag joke game!

#KnockOffMonsters

Pleatherface, The Slob, Chunky and more #KnockOffMonsters on this week's joke game!

#HauntedHeroes

Rainbow Fright, Indiana Bones, Scooby-Doom and more #Haunted Heroes on our weekly joke game!

#SpookySandwiches

Haunted Forest Ham, Ghost Beef, Pastrami on Eye and more #SpookySandwiches on this weeks joke game!

#CelebAVegetable

Benedict Pumpkinpatch, Tiffany Radish, Spuddy Holly and more #CelebAVegetable on this week's joke game!

#TVcocktails

Saved By The Bellini, BoJack and Coke Horseman, Hill Street Booze and more #TVcocktails on this week's joke game!

#WineASong

I'm Hooked On A Riesling, Every Rosé Has it's Thorn. Into The Grape Wide Open, and more #WineASong on this week's joke game!

#FailedFallFlavors

Butternut Sasquash, Back to Skool-Aid, Pumpkin Lice and more #FailedFallFlavors on our weekly joke game!

#BadYogaPoses

Downward Spiral, Lazy Dog, Remote Control Reach and more #BadYogaPoses on our weekly joke game!

#BlisteringBands

The Rolling Stoves, Central Air Supply, Backstreet Boils, and more #BlisteringBands!

The Tao Te Ching Rewritten As Tweets 

The unnamable is the eternally real ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#FishAnActionMovie

Raiders of the Lost Carp, Death Fish, Get Trout and more #FishAnActionMovie on this week's hashtag game!

A Gaslight in the Attic: Toilet Tweeting

It doesn’t matter that / It’s three in the morning / I’ll tweet up a storm / I’ll send out a warning!

#SexyCereals

Horny Nut Cheerios, Bedded Wheat, Porn Flakes and more #SexyCereals on our weekly joke game!

#SitcomAPie

King of Creams, Family Pies, Berried...With Children, and more #SitcomAPie!

#SadSalads

Wedgie Salad, Sneezer Salad, ColeSlaughter and more #SadSalads!

#DrunkGameShows

The Weakest Drink, Vermouth or Consequences, Beer Factor and more #DrunkGameShows!

#OfficeSuperlatives

Most Likely to Impede, Reddest Eyes On Monday Morning, Brownest Nose and more #OfficeSuperlatives!

#PastaFlicks

Midnight in the Olive Garden of Good and Evil, Tortellini Recall, A Fusilli Good Men and more #PastaFlicks

#FruitACelebrity

Chris Pineapple, Melon DeGeneres, Emma Stonefruit and more #FruitACelebrity on today's hashtag game!

Sorry I Reposted Your Work Without Attribution, But To Be Fair, I'm Also A Bank Robber

So you’ll be relieved to learn that my Instagram thievery is simply a side-hustle to my main gig as a full-on Jeremy Renner-in-The Town bank robber.

#CheesyLiterature

Of Mice and Muenster, Pride and Provolone, East of Edam, and more #CheesyLiterature!

#SleepySitcoms

Good Night Court, Snooze the Boss, Friendzzz and more #SleepySitcoms!

#MomAMovie

From Here To Maternity, Raiders of the Lost Matriarch, 10 Things I Hate About Your Dirty Room and more #MomAMovie in this week's trending game!

#DrunkFlowers

Gin Blossoms, Black Out Susans, Drunk Off My Aster and more #DrunkFlowers

#TopRedactedWords

'Hamberders', 'Pee Pee Tape', 'Who's Tiffany?' and many more #TopRedactedWords in this week's hashtag game!

CARTOON: TrumpCare

Gotta keep the tweeter healthy. Today's cartoon by Kit Lively and David DeGrand.

#MythicalTaxDeductions

Depreciation on Droids, Quidditch Gambling Debts, Parallel Dimension Deductions and more in our weekly hashtag game!

#SadCartoons

Health Inspector Gadget, Charlie Frown, Muppet Scabies and more #SadCartoons

#BreakfastACollege

Eggs Bennington, Hashbrown University, John IHOPkins University, and more #BreakfastACollege!

CARTOON: Commander In Tweet

Trump socialized media. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

#SillySpringSlogans

April showers bring Mueller flowers, Sneeze the Day and more #SillySpringSlogans!

#SadSports

10-pin Bawling, Cryaking, Golf and more.

#RuinAn80sMovie

A Nightmare On Sesame Street, Pretty in Pink Eye, E.T. the extra-testicle and more.

#KnockOffCandy

Shittles, Gummy Sperms, Sweetfarts and more #KnockOffCandy in our comedy hashtag game!

#FailedBoardGames

No Clue, Sorry, Not Sorry and Frisk. Lots of funny #FailedBoardGames on our trending hashtag game!

#UnnecessaryiPhoneFeatures

We really phoned it in and had a lot of fun with this week's…

#ToyWarningLabels

The wonderful season of assembling new toys and realizing how…

#2018in5Words

So, our typically fun little weekly hashtag game turned into…

#CoffeeSlogans

Make Americano Great Again, Coffee: Because anger management is too expensive. And more #CoffeeSlogans

My Digital Cleanse Starts Today

Am I nervous about adjusting to non-digital life? Sure. How do people know if someone has been brave if not with the hashtag #brave? How will I know if someone is talking to me if they don’t tag my handle in their reply? I’m hoping to find answers during my cleanse.

#FutureRealityTV

We come from the FUTURE to tell you about the very important…

#ElectionHangoverCures

Ask for a recount of what you drank last night...Ugh, our head. What happened? Are we saved? Did we wake up from this political waking nightmare? NO! Just kidding! But we had some fun this week on our Weekly Humorist Hashtag game!

#SlasherSitcoms

My Knife and Kids, Charles in Chunks, and more Gore-filled TV comedies this week on our Weekly Humorist Hashtag game! On @HashtagRoundUp powered by @TheHashtagGame. Play our comedy hashtag twitter games every Wednesday at 11 am EST.

#SpookyExcusesForBeingLate

It was a funny, excuse filled haunting this week on our Weekly Humorist Witty Wednesday Hashtag game! On @HashtagRoundUp powered by @TheHashtagGame. We trended #8 in USA! Play our comedy hashtag twitter games every Wednesday at 11 am EST.

CARTOON: Modern Legacy

It's what she would have #wanted. Today's cartoon by Drew Panckeri.

#ScaryStoriesForAdults

It was a spooky, suspenseful and sad boost of adulting this week on our Weekly Humorist Witty Wednesday Hashtag game! On @HashtagRoundUp powered by @TheHashtagGame. We trended #5 in USA and make it to Twitter Moments! Play our comedy hashtag twitter games every Wednesday at 11 am EST.

#HorrorSports

I Know What You Did Last Summer Olympics, Synchronised Skinning, Ben Roethlismurder and more #HorrorSports from our trending hashtag game!

#RuinACookie

You guys are cooking up some great ways to #RuinACookie! Here are some of the best from our weekly twitter game!

CARTOON: Trumpunzel

Trumpunzel, Trumpunzel, let down your...is that hair? Everything is fine, just tweet away! Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein and Kit Lively