The NFL All New National Anthem Policy

The NFL announced a new national anthem policy today:

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Players should wait and see what Bill Belichick does and do the opposite.

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Players who kneeled during the anthem in 2017 are free to do the same in 2018 because they are no longer in the NFL.

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Players with concussions should continue as though nothing happened. (This already is standard policy regardless of the anthem.)

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Players cannot kneel during the anthem, but they may genuflect as soon as Roger Goodell’s image appears on the Jumbotron.

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Each team will select “a designated kneeler” to offend Mike Pence right out of the stadium in case he shows up.

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Players must pause their spousal abuse while the anthem is being played.

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Any Oakland Raiders players who kneel will be considered in violation of their parole.

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Players may skip the anthem and stay in the locker room to submit to a mandatory drug test.

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Any players kneeling during the anthem will immediately be traded to the Cleveland Browns.

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