What Your Animal Tattoo Says About You

Bald eagle: You know too much about flag etiquette.

 

Jellyfish: You often try to manipulate people, but they see right through you.

 

Snail: You still use a flip phone.

 

Hermit crab: You own a t-shirt reading “Hell is other people.”

 

Octopus: You have a reputation at work for being “handsy.”

 

Bumblebee: You’re a workaholic.

 

Boa constrictor: Your exes accuse you of smothering them.

 

Clydesdale: You have a massive penis but don’t like to brag.

 

Giraffe: You never grew out of your awkward phase.

 

Pigeon: You think you’re street smart, but really you’re just trash.

 

Aardvark: You believe in the five second rule.

 

Platypus: People like to make guesses about your racial/ethnic background.

 

Komodo dragon: You were bullied as a child.

 

Lion (male): Your masculinity is toxic.

 

Lion (female): You’re forced to carry the emotional labor for your entire family.

 

Scar from The Lion King: You are murderously jealous of your older, more successful brother.

 

Vulture: You show up late to neighborhood BBQs just to finish off everyone’s beers.

 

Walrus: You have a Beatles cover band called “Walrus and the Eggmen.”

 

Hyena: You tried stand-up once and added “comedian” to your Tinder profile.

 

Giant panda: Your favorite Chinese dish is General Tso’s Chicken.

 

Moose: You’re a cartoon cold war Russian spy.

 

Flying squirrel: You’re the cartoon boyfriend of a cartoon cold war Russian spy.

 

Blowfish: You’re currently feuding with Darius Rucker.

Phoenix: Matt Damon is your best friend.