HOST: Hey, and we’re back! We appreciate you tuning in, folks. As always, I’m your host, Lucifer, and this is Bachelor In Paradise Lost! Forget all of the pretenders to our throne, we’re the real Temptation Island!
EVE: (screaming loudly) I want to leave! Please, can’t I just leave?!
HOST: Oh, you’ll leave, honey. You won’t want to, and you’ll spend the rest of your pitiful existence trying to get back, but you’ll leave all the same.
EVE: You’re a monster…. a monster!!
ADAM: Ah, he’s not so bad. He made me aware of your boobs; how could I have missed those?! And look, he just brought in, like, a dozen cases of a real nice apple lager. I thought that it might be weird at first, but it’s actually not bad. I even have a bit of a buzz now!
HOST: Excellent, Adam… excellent! Drink up, my friend! Numb your mind and body, and fornicate with wild abandon!
ADAM: Right on, thanks buddy!
EVE: Adam, you dumbass…
HOST: Aw, crap…. um, I’m just now getting word that…. okay everyone, that’s a wrap… we’ve just been cancelled.
ADAM: Dude…. what happened?
HOST: We just heard from The Sponsor. Apparently we weren’t supposed to wheel out those pallets of the apple beer. Some sort of prearranged deal with Peach Schnapps or something. Anyway, it’s bedlam now, and everyone is really pissed. We’re done, it seems.
EVE: So we can go now?
HOST: Yes, yes, go on… get out of here, you mewling cow. I’ve been working on a new idea, anyway… a new show with which to deviously seep my nefarious schemes into weak human minds… I shall call it, the 700 Club!
ADAM: Sounds awesome! Do you take checks?
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Kit has been a regular contributor to MAD magazine for over ten years, and has also been regularly published by National Lampoon, Playboy, The American Bystander, Funny Or Die, SpongeBob Squarepants Comics, Points In Case and many others. His work has been called “sort of like ‘The Far Side’, but more offbeat and often much funnier” by people who should clearly know better. He lives with his wife and two dogs, all of whom do their best to tolerate his presence