Thoughts on Choosing a 2020 Democratic Candidate, or Which Subway to Take Home at Night

1. Great! There are at least 20 options running.

2. Hmm. I know absolutely nothing about which choice will bring me closest to where I need to go.

3. Instead of going all the way, it’s stopping somewhere in the middle.

4. It’s still running, but on a different platform than I expected.

5. I’ve gone with this option in the past, but this time it’s kinda losing steam.

6. A lot of other people are going this route, so it must be the best alternative.

7. This option’s so old I’m worried it’ll die before it reaches its destination.

8. I’ve never even heard of this option. Is it for real?

9. I don’t feel safe with this choice after 11pm.

10. This option is fancy and new, but could crash and burn at any moment.

11. It’s making a lot of noise, but is still vague about its destination.

12. This option needs to stop putting its hands on women, even if it’s just being friendly.

13. It’s been a while since I heard an announcement about where this is going.

14. My preference is no longer in service.

15. Now that I’ve finally gotten on board, it’s just stalling indefinitely.

16. Nobody wants this option to run. It’s an inefficient mess, and is taking focus away from legitimate alternatives.

17. We are never going to get anywhere.

18. None of these options are viable. I should’ve just called an Uber.

Answers: Dem. candidates: #1-17, Trains: #18.