1. vulnerable 2.piss 3 motherfucker 4. entitlement 5. cunt 6. diversity 7. shit 8. fuck 9. transgender 10. fetus 11. tits 12. evidence-based 13. cockersucker 14. science-based Carlin: 2,3,5,7,8,11,13 CDC: 1,4,6,9,10,12,14
The cast of “Duck Dynasty” announced, for all their fans ‘who a give duck,’ it’s never too late to order their holiday stocking stuffer, the Duck Dynasty Christmas CD. The album titled “What Would Jesus Shoot,” will include the family’s personal take on many a holiday classic. Here are just some of the tunes that […]
A Reverse Mortgage for Buckingham Palace Nothing will put a smile on those Buckingham Palace guards more then knowing their paychecks won’t bounce. List Scotland on eBay Kilts, bagpipes, and, if you ‘Buy it Now,’ Sean Connery will tape your phone machine message. Hurry before the EU beats you to it. Prince Harry and Meghan […]
Reindeer can be real a-holes. How else do you explain, “All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games?” Santa, you damn opportunist. Huh, jolly guy, why did it take “one foggy Christmas Eve” for you to say “Rudolph with your nose […]
1: Wait… Look, squirrel! 2: 3: 4: 5: 6: 7: 8: What were we talking about again?
Star Wars Character Hands Solo TV Show Masturbating with the Stars Movie Willie Wanking and the Chocolate Factory Little Rascal Spanky Religious Holiday Hairy Palm Sunday Author Bram Stroker Mini Mart Purchase Beef Jerky Website Dickileaks Musical Strokelahoma Actor Tom Yanks
Chicago art museum says Renoir in Trump’s NYC apartment is fake. As is his Mona Lisa.
Proof that if you add ‘Am I right, Sonny Boy?‘ to a Donald Trump quote, you get everyone’s drunk Uncle at a family gathering. Wouldn’t you love to see one of these NFL owners, when somebody disrespects our flag, to say, ‘Get that son of a bitch off the field right now. Out. He’s fired. […]
Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, George Clooney, Christain Bale, Ben Affleck and now… Harvey Fierstein. Despite the enormous box office returns of ‘Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice,’ it was announced today the gravely voiced actor would replace the latest Batman, Ben Affleck, donning cape and cowl in ‘Batman 7: Out of the Closet.’ Fierstein will […]
1. Stampeders 2 Blue Bombers 3. Trojans 4. Tiger Cats 5. Magnums 6. Rough Riders 7. Argonauts 8. Lucky Blokes 9. Crescendos 10. Redblacks 11. Alouettes 12. Snake Skins ANSWERS: CFL: 1, 2, 4, 7, 10, 11 Condom Brand: 3, 5, 8, 9, 12 Both: 6
President Trump called New Hampshire ‘A Drug Infested Den.’ Look for that to replace “Live Free Or Die” as the state motto or one of these: Live Free and High The Gramite State The Ohio of the Northeast Welcome to New Hempshire Everybody Must Be Stoned Lower Taxes, Higher Citizens Where Massachusetts Parties Trump Drug […]
Sure, ordering the murder of Snow White was evil, but nobody talks about those extremely violent dwarfs. Sure, ‘fe-fi-foing, be he alive, or be he dead, I’ll grind his bones to make my bread’ is a poor choice of words, but nobody is talking about criminal trespass and a home invasion robbery by Jack. Sure, […]
Tiki Torch Song Trilogies The Kids Are Alt Right Do the White Thing David Duke’s of Hazzard Raging Bullshitter White Sheet-less in Seattle Orange Hairspray Boyz in the Hoods Gunfight at the OKKK Corral 12 Angry Old White Men
Nanatuk Venkatachalam Nandipati Appoggiatura Feldenkrai Buddiga Tidmarsh Succedaneum Demarche Sujoe National Spelling Bee Winner: 2,3,6,7,10 National Spelling Bee Winning Word: 1,4,5,8,9
Jared Kushner Scooby Doo Jared Kushner Matlock Jared Kushner Yakov Smirnoff Jared Kushner Ryan Seacrest Jared Kushner Putin Jared Kushner
To humorless trolls who soiled themselves re: my earlier tweet-stop following me; follow someone sensitive and kind like Stephen Colbert. Waka. Waka. For Cinco de Mayo I will drink an entire jar of hot salsa and watch old Speedy Gonzales cartoons and speak Spanish all day. Happy CdMayo! Waka. Waka. Prince Phillip steps down from […]
Put a BK Onion Ring On it Beyoncé The Real Slim Jim Shady Eminem Like a Virgin Atlantic Madonna Love Me Tinder Elvis Presley I Kissed A Girl with Lipstick From Mac Cosmetics Katy Perry Who Wrote the iBook of Love Monotones 99 Lyft Ballons Nena Philadelphia (Cream cheese) Bruce Springsteen Scenes From an Olive […]
1. Neymar 2. Lululemon 3. Kaka 4. Garincho 5. Fabletics 6. Manduka 7. Cafu 8. Alki’i 9. Danskin 10. Zico 11. Kulae ANSWERS: Brazilian Soccer Player: 1,3,4,7, 10 Yoga Pants: 2,5,6,8,9,11
1. Rainbow Aurora 2. Chile Lime 3. Wasabi Ginger 4. Apple 5. Poppy Honey 6. Wavy Ondulees 7. Sage Moonblood 8. Bluebell 9. Pico de Gallo 10. Spicy Nacho 11. Shiloh ANSWERS: Celebrity Kid: 1 (Ashley Simpson), 4 (Gwyneth Paltrow/Chris Martin), 5 (Jamie Oliver), 7 (Sylvester Stallone), 8 (Geri Halliwell), 11 (Angelina Jolie/Brad Pitt) […]
Just have Taylor Swift add “Your Honor” to these lyrics in front of a judge and we’re talking restraining order. Got a long list of ex-lovers, they’ll tell you I’m insane, Your Honor. I get drunk on jealousy, Your Honor. So go and tell your friends that I’m obsessive and crazy. That’s fine, I’ll tell […]
1. Baker Newman Noves 2. Epstein Barr 3. Riley Day 4. Maudlin Jenkins 5. Honcamp Krueger 6. Forbes Albright 7. Kasbach Merritt 8. Lewendowsky Lutz 9. Clifton Gunderson 10. Sturge Weber 11. Margolin Winer Evens ANSWER KEY: Medical Condition: 2,3,6,7,8,10 Accounting Firm 1,4,5, 9, 11
1. Almazbek Atambayev 2. Trcghed Acfsfgth 3. Grcguhgyy Dwfebuuh 4. Omurbek Tekebayev 5. Kolnyhggh Vedschjjbbh 6. Kurmanbek Bakiyev 7. Sooronbay Jeenbekov 8. Strcfhuhhh Zefghjuh 9. Tomakihlbv Thuvfhjd 10. Kanatbek Isaev ANSWER KEY: Kryzghastani Political Leader: 1, 4, 6, 7, 10 Letters Randomly Typed With My Eyes Closed: 2, 3, 5, 8, 9
Finding Chemo The Little Barmaid Stuck In A Dead End Job The Lady and the Tramp Stamp Monster’s Inc.: Chapter 11 Frozen Daiquiri Working For Peanuts: The Movie Snow White Gets Slut Shamed by the Seven Dwarfs The Bi-Polar Express Up Yours James and the Giant GMO Carcinogenic Peach
Nordstrom Australia Meryl Streep Cast of Hamilton Alec Baldwin Sweden Don Lemon Anyone with the last name Schumer Pope Francis NY Times Mexico Rosie O’Donnell So-Called Judges Ted Cruz’s Dad SNL NATO Megyn Kelly CNN
