Not-so-happy Meal. Today's cartoon by Drew Panckeri.

Not like digging own cadavers for unholy experiments? I recommend Igor to scientist looking for qualified, reliable lab tech. Igor friend. Misshapen back is ugly rumor, total fake news. Igor back good. Igor take abuse and like it. Whip, chain, stick, no preference. Igor bring sense of dedication to workplace, inspire all of us to do best.

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If You Can Read This, Jeffrey Dahmer Didn't Eat Your Eyeballs bumper sticker. Dahmer's vegetarian surprise recipe (made totally from a vegetarian). And sadly, more!

I’m also dismayed by how often producers use their platform to glamorize perpetrators. Just the other day, a new series about a serial killer went on gushing about the subject’s charm, good looks, and success in his chosen field of murder. To counteract this, I try to humanize the victims of these senseless yet nonetheless very fascinating crimes. I’ll ask myself questions like, did they have any hopes and dreams of their own? Say, to become a teacher, or a veterinarian, or perhaps someone that did not get murdered?

Working from home is different for everyone! Today's cartoon by Tyson Cole.

Freshly squeezed with pulp. Today's cartoon by Lars Kenseth.

You will have to wear a mask. Diseased meats taste worse. And we don’t want the pigs to taste badly.

Still, as DVDs, VOD, and eventually streaming crushed VHS into a rectangle relic of the past, the final nail in my coffin came with the ubiquity of the smartphone.

While it appears the hotel is a sentient being that has taken control of every caretaker we’ve ever had, turning them into psychopaths who have killed or attempted to kill their entire family, we want you to know we’re doing everything we can to keep it from doing that to any of our guests. However, since spiritual forces are notoriously difficult to contain, we’re legally obligated to alert you to the voluntary risks you’re taking by staying with us. 

THE POTTING SHE SHED The smell of fresh earth is intoxicating. Not as good as huffing craft glue, but not bad. The earth gives life, and takes death when your enemies shuffle off this mortal coil. With no help from you, of course. Pour all your troubles into a decorative clay pot you adorned with cute birdies, and watch the world melt away. All your troubles. Dirt hides a myriad of sins. Buries them, you might say. The last place they’d think to look is underneath your thriving Pom Pon dahlia bed. Look for what? Ha ha! Nothing but potting soil and a giant set of pruning shears hides in your trusty, padlocked she shed.

Listen, Mrs. Nelson, I’m sorry for your loss, but the crying is distracting to my process. I’ll tell you what I told my buddy Alvin when he had a full-on panic attack during the Airplane Hostage Escape Room last June in Philly: Use. The. Pain.  

Prime Crime Time with Ryan Blime is the show I’ve dreamed of making ever since I legally changed my last name for the title. But I couldn't find a true crime story riveting enough...

Now that we know from 'The Conner's'- killing off a main character can help ratings. It's open season.

Injuries are a part of every sport. A hockey player might lose…

Hello Chopped fans, concerned citizens, and law enforcement officers. …

That big day is finally here. The last appeals have been filed,…

One is a nut-ball leader of North Korea, the other just wanted…