I haven't really felt in the mood these days. It's embarrassing, but to be perfectly honest, with the election coming up and everything, I've been so stressed out it's affecting my....performance. I haven't been able to muster up significant cloud coverage, never mind generate any actual precipitation. It's been so long I'm pretty sure the next time I encounter a shift in wind speed, what should be a little drizzle is instead going to result in a brief but intense downpour. It's not you, it's me and too much built up atmospheric pressure.

In adulthood, the monkey bars become a rare and mythical concept. Like a unicorn, or a pickleback shot you don’t immediately regret. But if you’re like me, you’re either looking to recapture a shred of your childlike innocence, or you’re seeking revenge against Amelia, who beat you in the monkey bars contest in 3rd grade. Here are a few things you should consider.

Embrace a mismatched bridal party: Speaking of crafts, get creative and your bridesmaids won’t have to don the same stuffy overpriced ensemble. Let them wear whatever they want. Better yet, let them decorate a potato sack however they want. They’ll thank you for a look they can actually rewear. The versatility of a potato sack is unmatched.

He murdered... my heart. Today's cartoon by Phil Witte.

Non-committal canoe. Today's cartoon by Ken Levine.

It is with great sadness that we at JetBlue and American Airlines announce the end of our partnership. This was a very difficult process for us and we want everyone to know that we are parting on loving terms. We have nothing but admiration for each other’s low fares, bonus mile offers, and inflight menu selections. 

Bold Red Alone in Bed with Snacks and “Jane Eyre” on Netflix, the Michael Fassbender One, Berry Naughty Thoughts About Michael Fassbender, Sexy Fishnet Stalkings of Michael Fassbender’s Full Frontal Pics Online, and more!

Feels like a trap. Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

How many times do you typically snooze your alarm in the morning? What is the correct pronunciation of GIF? Is Die Hard a Christmas movie? Why or why not?  And more!

He’s not really one for this world, so we pretty much stay in the apartment. And he’s not totally outdated—recently he discovered Fox News and absolutely loves it.

An Open-Air Christmas Tree Lot, The Dilapidated Inn You're Fixing Up, The Snowy Grave of Your Husband, and more! 

[ALEXANDER liked DANIELLE’S photo, captioned “Sourdough-re-me.”] ALEXANDER: Was it light, fluffy, and soft to the touch? DANIELLE: Talk gluten to me, dammit!

Doolin-Dalton: You don’t end relationships because you don’t have relationships.

Love at first fright. Today's cartoon by Ali Solomon.

Menorah or Less: Investment banker Ilan loses his money, his apartment, and his girlfriend when his firm goes under. He takes a job at a meal-delivery service where a late-night order for a pastrami sandwich leads him to Hannah who needs help saving her startup.

To apply, carefully read and complete all sections (A-F) below. Submissions should be free of spelling and grammar errors. Submissions should also be free of your unsolicited commentary on the “super uptight” requirements for landing this role. 

Larry, 38, Nap enthusiast: My friends call me Lunchmeat Larry (except for my best friend, my mom, who prefers to call me Lunchmeat Lawrence), due to the fact that I smell uncannily similar to processed lunch meats,

Here’s a photo of your family. Click on the people you no longer talk to. Then click on the people who have asked to borrow money.

Maybe our names aren’t the only things that go together? We…

My dearest Petula,   Please forgive me if my hand is slow…