Tag Archive for: sex

Transcript: On a Date with an NPR Host

Phil: Tonight’s date will be in four parts: Act I: Pleasantries: Shallow, nonaggressive compliments, observations about the restaurant’s rustic decor; Act II: Dinner and the Exchange of Personal Anecdotes: I’ll tell my story about that time I saw John Travolta at the post office; Act III: Foreplay: Are ears an erogenous zone? We’ll explore each other’s bodies and find out; and, finally, Act IV: Lovemaking: Can two souls still passionately intertwine in our modern age? Stay tuned. Anna: Sorry?

Valentine’s From Your Mom’s New Boyfriend

You're a HOOT...by the way OWL be moving my Bowflex into your playroom.

Love Me, Tinder! Worst Dating Profiles

Larry, 38, Nap enthusiast: My friends call me Lunchmeat Larry (except for my best friend, my mom, who prefers to call me Lunchmeat Lawrence), due to the fact that I smell uncannily similar to processed lunch meats,

CARTOON: Valentine Smarts

Chocolate Heart Inflation. Today's cartoon by Alexis Novak and Jason Chatfield.

New Dating Rules For The Apocalypse

Have sex on the first date, actually, have sex the first ten minutes of the first date. You are going to die very soon.

CARTOON: Secret Santa

The safe word is NOG. Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

CARTOON: 23andMany

That's a lot of mommy's kissing Santa. Today's cartoon by Scott Nickel.

Talkward w/ guest Courtney Kocak

Today on Talkward is comedy writer and super star sex and dating podcast host Courtney Kocak! Courtney hosts the 'Reality Bytes' podcast- tune in every week for real talk about sex, love, relationships & dating in the digital age. We discuss having your gentiles molded in custom sex toys, her new experiences in standup comedy and being a writer for Amazon's Danger & Eggs!

The Metaphysics of the Second Date: A Syllabus

The Metaphysics of the Second Date: A Syllabus Professor: Lone…

The White House’s Kavanaugh Celebration Party

Sean Hannity has a VIP table in one corner. Alex Jones is here. His shirt is already off. Roger Stone is seen handing out small red flyers about an orgy he’s hosting the following night.

CARTOON: Predatory Correctness

You made him cry, are you happy now? Today's cartoon by David DeGrand and Kit Lively.

CARTOON: Minimum Requirements

You must meet these minimum requirements to enter. Today's cartoon by David DeGrand and Kit Lively.

4 Sex Positions Where You Can Secretly Watch a Steve Harvey Hosted Show

Your significant or not-so-significant other may want to try…

CARTOON: Why We Do Anything

The one true motivator.

CARTOON: Burger Pimp

Drunk Cartoon: Fast Food

My Dick is Stuck in a Westworld Robot

I came to Westworld for the unbridled adventure. It’s a world…

CARTOON: Essentials

I’ll Have You Know, Riding My Scooter Makes Getting To Sex Appointments Much Faster

On your left! Please move out of my way, I’m the adult man riding the Razor scooter, and I really need to get to my next sex appointment ASAP!

CARTOON: Great Moments In Porn Connect-The-Dots

To Whoever Was Using This Glory Hole

What’s up, fellas! How are you guys doing? Enjoying the hole?…

What to Expect After Implantation of Your Newterus®, the Hottest Feminine Upgrade Yet!

"Female cosmetic genital surgery is rapidly gaining popularity."—Plastic…

Why You’re Not Invited to Parties Anymore

That woman you brought to the last party kept biting the other…

CARTOON: Occupational Hazards

Aphrodisiacs That’ll Get You Real Horned Up In No Time

Someone else’s leftovers Costco samples A lettuce leaf that…

Quiz: New Diet Coke Flavor or Porn Star

1. Brandi Love 2. Feisty Cherry 3. Cherrie DeVille 4.…

The Real Reasons That Stormy Daniels Is Suing Trump

Trauma incurred by having accidentally glimpsing his scabby,…

Talkward w/guest Andrew Collin

This episode of Talkward welcomes guest Andrew Collin! Andrew…

Classic Works of Literature Rebranded for Millennials

"A Tale of Two Tweets” At long last reunited with Lucie, Dr.…

Other Notable Trysts that Quincy Jones Forgot to Mention in His Vulture Interview

Post Vulture interview, Quincy got a couple quick BJs from his…

Common Complaints About Popular Sex Toys

We asked, you answered.   Results from our first Weekly Humorist…

PIC QUIP: Stormy Daniels

The Top 20 Bestselling British Porno Magazines

Keen Jugs Brilliant Fannies Tally Ho, Naked Ladies! Shag Fancy Cockney…

The Really Serious Problems With Sex Robots

1) They're oftentimes yell out Sarah Conner's name during intercourse.   2) …

“Toys For Tots” Goes Bust!

A newspaper typo turned a local toy drive into a major traffic…

The Weekly Humorist Last Minute Christmas Gift Giving Guide

Moscow Mule Drink Set You know those popular copper cups that…

Willie Wanking and the Chocolate Factory And 9 Other Examples Of Louis CK’s Favorite Things

Star Wars Character Hands Solo TV Show Masturbating…

Pretty Basic Swingers’ Club Etiquette

A queef in a club is similar to a burp after a large meal in…

Rejected Prom Themes

Enchanting Night Of People You’ll Never See After Graduation Dance…

MILF’s 2.0: Men I’d Like to F*ck! (Better Read on in Case It’s You, Guy-at-the-Office)

Guys, lets face the cold hard truth: nobody gives a shit about…

I’m 99% Sure I Just Had Sex With My First Robot

It’s 0:04am. The year is 2075. The place is the city of Chicago…

The War on Penis Terror: Angry Vagina and Her Dating App (Part 5)

~ DEAR VAGINA SOLDIER ~ Eager to earn your dignity as an honored…

Elevator Pitches for Lifetime Movies

She had to do it Because She Couldn't Have Kids. Janelle, a…

How to Get Your Amazon Echo to, You Know, Do It with You

The Amazon Echo is a tremendous technological feat. This one…

It’s Time to Meet the 2017 RNC Babies!

What do you get when you mix $7 Bud Lights with 50,000 pro-life…

CARTOON: Sleepy Sheep Time

CARTOON: Starry Night

Every Emoji Is a Dick Emoji

You've probably heard the old adage "the eggplant emoji is…

CARTOON: Organ Pride

Censored Sexy Pics: Angry Vagina and Her Dating App (Part 2)

Once upon a time, right about now, there is a legendary hero…

5 Ways to Spice up Your Relationship with Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak

Every serious relationship goes through dry spells. It’s…

CARTOON: Medical History

Ernest Hemingway’s Fifty Ways To Drive Your Man Wild In Bed

Editor's note: Quite a few of Ernest Hemingway’s early short…

Civil War Soldier Writes Home to Mother About Losing his Virginity

“Dear Mother, I shall hope you receive this letter in good…

CARTOON: Confession

CARTOON: Dysfunction Junction

Top FAQs On The Ashley Madison Site

If I catch an STD from one of the dates provided by your site,…

CARTOON: Power Couple

Classic Romantic Comedies If They Were Set In Present Day

1. When Harry Met Sally   Instead of it taking Harry…

For All The Nevers In Life: If The State Farm Ad was Self-Aware

[We open on a wild, alcohol-fueled pool party with…

Bernie Sanders Campaign Groupie Sex Diary

It's proven to be a passionate electoral season, and voters have…