The Old Man and the Sea: (When you want whatever the elderly man next to you ordered, and it's a tuna-salad sandwich)

Novel Notions. Today's cartoon by Rachelle Meyer.

The Amazing Literary Cinephile. Today's cartoon by Michael Litwak.

Cloudy with a Chance of Lab-Grown Meatballs, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day of Meetings That Could Have Been Emails, And more!

The ideal reading experience is on paper, not a screen, because books are tactile. You can tell that this tome has been loved, and now I want to pass it along to you so that you can love it too. The evidence of its having been well-enjoyed is everywhere: Its binding is worn at the edges. Its pages are dog-eared. It has a certain scent.

Humor writer raconteur Mike Sacks stops by Talkward to chat about "Welcome to Woodmont College" , his parody of a college catalog co-written with Jason Roeder. It was named one of the best comedy books of the year by New York Magazine's Vulture and you should buy it today! We also discuss the wonders of Maryland, 90s nostalgia, and how he makes things happen for himself in the comedy world.

'Cancel Cancel Culture: Canceling Cancelation', 'Me First and You Maybe', 'My Pride and My Prejudice', and more!

1) Most were purchased at your local independent bookstore. Take pride that you’ve supported a small business during a pandemic. Remind self that store is currently doing fine, and no more books are needed for now. 2) See books you bought Tuesday and Wednesday. Realize you should have written out step one on Monday...

That is why we’ve developed a new series, For Dummies By Dummies ®.  In each For Dummies By Dummies ® book, we have real, unqualified lay people posing as experts writing to other real, unqualified lay people in a way that is both relatable and completely unreliable. Join us in celebrating some of our newest titles!

“There is no friend as loyal as a book. And there is no book as loyal as a friend. Wait. That doesn’t make sense. Barkeep, another round!” — Ernest Hemingway

Never adds up. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

Judy Blume- JULIET: Are you there, God? It’s Me, Juliet. I just kissed this boy at a party and it turns out my family hates him! I should probably listen to them, but he’s so cute! Please help me decide.

This week The Cartoon Pad has on the new Gag Cartoonist of the Year winner as recently selected by the National Cartoonist Society, Ellis Rosen. Ellis is a wonderfully talented New Yorker cartoonist, and his new book, with Jon Adams, 'Send Help' A collection of marooned cartoons, is available now.

War & Peach, The Lime Machine, The Karma Fruitra, and more #BookAFruit on this week's trending joke game!

Also may I have the whole can of soda? Today's cartoon by Joseph Dottino.

Malibu Rising by Taylor Jenkins Reid: I was so hungry and weak that all I can remember are the rich descriptions of all the decadent meals the family ate together. I began to suspect the end was near when turkey vultures spent the morning cawing while they circled my body. Despite this, Reid’s masterful description of BBQ inspired me to use the last of my strength to strangle a baboon with my bare hands. It was delicious. Highly recommend this book.

“What does she mean ‘don’t be late?’” grumbled Ramona. Just because her older sister is in her fifties, Beezus thinks she’s so special. She’s always bragging about all the hormone replacement she gets to do, as if it’s some big deal or something. “I get hot flashes too,” Ramona groused.

The Great Gagsby, Brave New Hurl, Stephen King’s VomIT, and more #BarfyBooks on this week's trending joke game!

Charles Dickens — A Tale of Two Cities “It was the best of times, it was easily the worst of times, it was the age of meager research, it was the age of what else is there to do though, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the summerfallwinterspringsummerfallwinterspringsummerfall of despair.”

Step way back and check out our new releases!

A Tale Of Two CDCs, Pride & Prejudiced President, Nasty Little Women, and more!

Goodnight Moon- You will never say goodnight to anything, thanks to your insomnia. 

“Amelia!!” she cried. “What have you done?! Why is the window broken???” “Because of the pandemic!” said Amelia. “I had to get those things out of here as quickly as possible!” “Amelia!” cried Mrs. Rogers. “The pandemic doesn’t have anything to do with pans!”  “Oh, rats,” said Amelia. “Well at least now we’ll get some fresh air!” “The air is full of germs, Amelia!!

This is my fault. I should have ended class the moment AssOlympics began monologuing about how Mrs. Ramsay a “Christ-like” protagonist.

You’ll look at the mountains. Look ‘em over with care! / Because on our ski trip, you’ll stay in that lair./ With your body so small and your person so single, / you won’t mind if the bobcats come in to commingle./

This spooky Halloween episode of Talkward welcomes humor writer and performer James Folta! James writes for The New Yorker, McSweeney's , Weekly Humorist and is the Managing Editor of Points In Case. James also is a co-founder of The Satire and Humor Festival which is in NYC in March but just announced a pop-up weekend in Chicago in November! Check it out here and go! We discuss Halloween costumes, writing, book publishing and James' current projects in writing and pitching new narrative humor podcasts.  Also, who knew how bad at math we both are! Jokes! James also teaches humor and parody. Follow him on twitter @JamesFolta and we'll see you at the festival!

This very special episode of Talkward welcomes cartoonists Bob Eckstein, Steve McGinn, and Robert Leighton! Full house! They stopped by the studio after going by The New Yorker to submit some cartoons. We discuss the joke writing process, appearances on old game shows, and we dissect the reasons why some of Steve's cartoons got rejected very, very quickly. We also chat about Bob Eckstein's new book, "Everyone's A Critic- The Ultimate Cartoon Book" which is on sale now and you should go buy it right now!

I'm your host, Lucifer, and this is Bachelor In Paradise Lost!  Forget all of the pretenders to our throne, we're the real Temptation Island!

“But what if it starts on a boat, but then the protagonist ends up on an island?” you may ask. To which I respond, “Didn’t I cover that with Defoe? You’re thinking of H.G. Wells, aren’t you, you obstinate monster? Or Charles Dickens’ seldom-discussed shipwrecked narratives, I bet, you contrarian beast? Did I stutter? No. Boats.”

Onstage at the Al Hirschfeld Theatre: Do you have the old play-based creativity-inclusive content bug? Scratch that itch by standing onstage at the Al Hirschfeld during a performance of Kinky Boots and type away.

If you are a fan of the bestselling "All My Friends Are Dead" series of books then you'll want to pick up this new book hot off the presses!

The Great Gatsby: We get it! You’re jealous of rich people. Also, isn’t this really unoriginal? Wealthy people party, and drink, and yada, yada, yada. That’s like the entire plot. You and this book are so lame, I can see why you always say “you too” after your waiter says enjoy your meal. Never write anything ever again. Now go and spend the little money you have on ice cream and eat an entire tub because you deserve that kind of guilt, you unartistic ass hat.

Brett Hart of Darkness vs. Sgt. Slaughter House Five Rowdy…

Cover charge to get into the White House is waived if you arrive…