O Horny Night, You're a Mean One, Mr. Hinge, Sad Old Broad is Coming to Town, I Want a Hypnotherapist For Christmas, and many more!

Sweetheart, Went to a Target tonight. I was horrified to learn the nutcrackers have turned gay. Why must these Secularists sexualize everything? Put your nuts in its mouth like the rest of us and enjoy the birth of our Lord. Merry Christmas, Jim

Can of protective / defensive Holiday Pepper(mint) Spray, Cursed glass eye, and more!

Santa: The weapon used in the attempted murder were NON gluten-free cookies. AKA, a cookie that contained gluten. It’s basically poison.  911: A cookie is not considered a weapon. Sir, how is your mental state? How did you get in the chimney? Santa: A cookie is ABSOLUTELY an assault weapon, SIR, and I don’t appreciate you talking down to me. I am gluten-free, and the Smith family was trying to murder me with the cookies they laid out. This was a hit job from the people who started the War on Christmas.

Elf On A MILF; Stepmom Into Christmas, I Came Upon A Midnight Rear; Noggy Style- And more!

Saw that coming. Today's cartoon by Vaughan Tomlinson.

A Christmas Gory, Funeral Home Alone, The Satan Clause, and more #HellishHolidayMovies on this week's trending joke game!

#3 McKinley Mall: There was something off about this mall Santa but I couldn’t put my finger on it. So I placed my two cheeks on his lifeless lap and from that second I knew: this mall Santa was dead. Yep, a corpse dressed up in a Santa suit. It’s pretty unclear whether he died on the job or they had a hard time filling the role this Christmas season.

Hold an office Christmas tree lighting ceremony. Ask select personnel to hang their now-deactivated key cards as ornaments. Elves escort the terminated out before entertainment arrives.

Goosed! Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

In a disheartening and disgusting twist of fate, it seems people are actually amused by the site of my nearly severed legs flapping helplessly in the wind. It taunts me to hear people’s giddy reactions to my plight: “Oh my gosh, look at those adorable elf legs! Isn’t that cute, they’re sticking out from the trunk. How festive!” What’s wrong with you, can’t you see I need help?

The Salmon Clause, Rudolphin the Red-Nosed Reindeer, It's a Flounderful Life, and more #FishAChristmasMovie on this week's trending joke game!

Sparks of wonder through the ages. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

Santa means well, but let’s face it, he probably spreads the coronavirus just as readily as Christmas joy; there’s no way that those elves practice social distancing in those tiny toy-making sweatshops. So, how to best, for the time being, keep that fat jolly eggnog sucker out of your house?

Night Of The Living Gingerbread, The Hills Have Elves, Nightmare On Elf Street, and more #HolidayAHorrorMovie on this week's trending joke game!

The 3 Wisemen Meet The 4 Horsemen (CMT, Tuesday Dec 15, 3 AM)- Animated special from the creators of The Proud Boys Introductory Guide To Dental Hygiene, voiced by a bevy of your favorite wrestling stars, plus Tim Allen as the voice of a wisecracking baby Jesus. (Some material may be unsuitable for those with an IQ of over two digits)

Every Blue down in Blue-Ville loved stimulus a lot. But the Mitch who lived in the Senate of Blue Ville did not. The Mitch hated stimulus! The whole Covid season! Maybe because he believes socialism is treason. 

The perfect plan! Today's cartoon by Mike Shiell!

The original fruitcake. Today's cartoon by Michael Shaw.

A flask with a Mini-Flask Hidden on the Side of It. And more.

Santa Claws is coming to town, Do They Know It’s Catsmas, God Rest Ye Meowy Gentlemen, and more #CatAChristmasCarol on this week's joke game!

Giving the gift of thanks. Today's cartoon by David Ostow.

Off the record? Today's cartoon by Michael Shaw.

Everything spins. Today's cartoon by Paul Lander and Dan McConnell.

Cartoon by Pat Byrnes.

He's making a list and checking it twice...he’s checking it again, just to be sure. Oh dear, the “t” on Robert’s name wasn’t quite crossed correctly. Better check the list again. It seems “Sally’s name has one “l” that’s not quite identical to the other “l”. He’d better create a new list.

I am the peppermint cookie someone brings every year. I have likely been sprinkled or dusted or otherwise imbued with crushed candy cane. That crushed candy cane likely glistens. Perhaps I have an Andes candy baked and melted all up in my innards. For all we know I have been infused with some peppermint extract. No matter what guise I adopt this year, the result is the same. I am going to make every other cookie on your cookie tray taste like it’s been dipped in Listerine. The blue kind of Listerine.

Nothing is more magical than winter. How does ice happen? Where…

LegNog: Most often caused by being bitten in the leg by a reindeer with lyme disease. And more.

"Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer" As told by: Dasher Okay, let…

No more placing the mistletoe above your crotch and referring…

Just in time for the horrible, lonely holidays! Here Come The…