Casual dining. Today's cartoon by Kit Lively.

Don't be so touchy, Today's cartoon by Thomas Wykes.

Fancy a pint? Today's cartoon by Rachelle Meyer.

I've been framed! Today's cartoon by Thomas Wykes.

Do those windows while you are up there. Today's cartoon by Drew Panckeri.

You shouldn't judge my mother. She was a single mom working a full-time job and raising two small children. Of course, she found it difficult to date men who weren't put off or intimidated by the fact that she had kids. Perhaps it's only natural that she gravitated towards quasi-mythical holiday gift-bearing immortal figures like Santa Claus. He wasn't afraid of children, not in the least. We were the only reason he came around in the first place. That and the cookies.

Sunsets again? Today's cartoon by Vaughan Tomlinson.

Get ready to Stockholm Syndrome your way into a dubiously legally-binding marriage with the least financially stable, most emotionally volatile, sentient pair of swim trousers you’ve ever met on our new dating show, Sex Fest Island. The twist? There’s no sex and you’re trapped 30 feet underground in a dark, dark chamber devoid of warmth or feeling. You are technically on an island, though. 

NEV: Dearest Catfish - I think I met the love of my life, Christian. I saw him from afar and I just knew he was the one. [Soft indie pop music plays during the voiceover] He started sending me letters and wowza—this boy is a poet! I was even telling my big-nosed cousin Cyrano about how my boyfriend was so intellectual, but then…something weird happened. I don’t know what to think anymore, and I need help! 

Fist A Cyst, Raunch Dressing, Insurrection Erection, and more!

5-in-1 Scented Spray: Cologne, Air Freshener, Deodorant, Detergent & Breath Spray. When it comes to strong, masculine scents, here is the truth most people won’t tell you: more is more.

Hot, hot air. Today's cartoon by Jeff Hobbs.

We invite you to help yourself to the small collection of books in the living room. While the sampling of Danielle Steele and Bill O’Reilly’s Culture Warrior may cause you to roll your eyes and deduce that we are backwards idiots, please know we have made similar assumptions about you based upon your Vampire Weekend t-shirts and many cases of flavored seltzer.

Don't slip up! Today's cartoon by John Anglin.

Purrrfect match? Today's cartoon by Dan Misdea

Before you Google whether or not that last sentence is true, please skim the below exhaustive list of red flags that the person you’ve been coupled with is actually a couple in and of themselves —i.e. a duo of secret twins masquerading as one. You never know until it’s too late!

Puzzling Love. Today's cartoon by Grayson Gibbs.

Kitchen table feeling smaller and smaller? Today's cartoon by Michael Shaw.

Those genes look great on you. Today's cartoon by Matt Percival.

Love and romance prepper. Today's cartoon by David Ostow.

Dongs and Bongs, Weed harmony, Stumble, and more #StonerDatingApps on this week's trending joke game!

Afterward, shuttle buses will take guests to the reception to be held at the estate of Bartholomew Richard Fitzgerald-Smythe aka Mr. Peanut. Dinner will be catered by Chef Boyardee himself and desserts provided by the Keebler Elves. (And yes, Ms.Green can eat chocolate. It is not cannibalism! We’re made of meat and eat pork. Same thing!!)

I'm your host, Lucifer, and this is Bachelor In Paradise Lost!  Forget all of the pretenders to our throne, we're the real Temptation Island!

Popped the Questionable Question. Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

There’s no question our country needs stricter gun legislation to stop senseless violence. But yes, my Tinder picture will remain this cute selfie of me shooting an M16 because it gives me the sex appeal of Blake Lively.

The true sounds of silence. Today's cartoon by Rich Sparks.

Some say romance is dead. I myself had all but given up on love. Then I saw you. I’ll never forget it: I was sitting on the toilet as my bowels evacuated, mindlessly swiping away on Tinder, when you appeared on the screen.

The one true motivator.

eHarmMe eBodilyHarmony ChristianMangle PlentyOfPrisoners AdultFiendFinder Cra-Cra…

~ DEAR VAGINA SOLDIER ~ Eager to earn your dignity as an honored…

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