Maintaining Your Core, But Not Your Core Values, Avoiding Commitment One Swipe at a Time, Running Away From Your Latest? (Don't Forget To Count Your Steps!) and more in this issue of Men's Stealth!

Plus: ER Patient With Candy Bar Stuffed Into Rectum Didn't Bring Enough For Everybody, Area Man's Fate Sealed After Leaving Toilet Seat Up In New Girlfriend's Apartment, Drivers Don't Even Question Origin Story Of Single Tennis Shoe On Side Of Highway.

Doom, Gloom & Vroom: Losing Your Virginity In A Hearse. The Third Date: Too Soon To Drink Each Other's Blood? Goth IRA And 7 Other Deadly Accurate Investment Tips. And more in this issue of Gothmopolitan Magazine.

Plus: Man Surveys New Girlfriend's Apartment For Move-In Potential, Throw Pillow Despondent After Being Demoted To Basement Guest Bedroom Unsettling Amount Of Serial Killer Books For Sale At Neighbor's Garage Sale. Weekly Humorist News Briefs: Breaking News Into Little Pieces.

Plus: Man Hides Liquor Bottle In Same Place He Used To Hide Ex-Wife’s Christmas Presents, Woman Being Baptized In River Should Have Worn A Bra, Lunch Fast Food Bag Placed In Back Seat Of Car To Make Room For Dinner Fast Food Bag.

You shouldn't judge my mother. She was a single mom working a full-time job and raising two small children. Of course, she found it difficult to date men who weren't put off or intimidated by the fact that she had kids. Perhaps it's only natural that she gravitated towards quasi-mythical holiday gift-bearing immortal figures like Santa Claus. He wasn't afraid of children, not in the least. We were the only reason he came around in the first place. That and the cookies.

Frankenstein's Monster Exclusive Pantsless Twitch is Shocking! Plus, Best BBW- The Blob, Best Hot Body Waxing: The Werewolf, Best Who Definitely Love To Swallow- Zombies. Check out the best creators on the platform in OnlyFansgoria today!

Aragorn's Longbow EXPOSED! (NOT Actually Very Long!) Sauron's Role In The Jan 6th Attack! Lord Of The Onion Rings!: Frodo Explains Massive COVID Weight Gain! And more!

Visiting The Rock n’ Roll Hall Of Maim, 'Name That Tomb' with Casey Kasem, Jerry Garcia Seance- Gratefully Dead, Or Not So Much? and more in RottingStone Magazine!

Full Frontal Or Back Door; How To Enter That Rental, Should The Carpets Match The Drapes? (Like design-wise, pervert) and more in Renthouse Magazine.

Stealing Hearts and Voting Rights, Denying Climate Change to Get Them Hot, and more in this issue of Cosmopolitician Magazine!

'Ding Dong, Fooled You! and 6 Other Practical Jokes No Reaper Can Resist', 'Slim Reapers: This Year's Most Flattering Death Robes!' 'Which Celebrities Are On Your Bucket List?' and More from this month's Reaper's Digest!

Looking Good: 12 Ways To Find and Keep Unattractive Friends To Stand Next To,Lithium: Cheer up any dish with this surprise seasoning, 'Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice!' And Other Things To Yell During Orgasm, and more in this issue of Rudebook Magazine.

Weekly Humorist News Briefs: Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

Weekly Humorist News Briefs. Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

Weekly Humorist News Briefs: Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

Weekly Humorist News Briefs. Breaking news, Into Little Pieces.

Weekly Humorist News Briefs: Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

Your first kiss!! Which type of face-masks are best? ... Page 34/ Win a Zoom chat video lunch date with Nick Jonas!! .... Page 38/ No need to social distance yourself from these hot shirtless hunk wall posters !!

Exercise More, thirty seconds old, passed away of exhaustion from a light run on an elliptical machine at an LA Fitness, when you felt so sore that you decided you never wanted to exercise again or at least until 2021, when this cycle will inevitably repeat.

Well, looks like we’ve opened up Pandora’s box, folks! An upcoming independent film will be digitally adding James Dean into it, further blurring the increasingly-tenuous line between CGI and reality.  However, since this is something that we, as a society, are apparently cool with doing now… here are a few more movies that we should digitally insert James Dean into!

DEAR BORED HUSBAND IN AKRON, OH:   You need to collect your wife’s poop and save it out in your backyard until it’s a huge pile.  Then put on some elbow-length plastic gloves and dig through her poop looking for undigested lilac berries from the West Indian lilac bush. She has likely been eating west Indian lilac berries and this is likely what is causing her addiction.  This technique worked for me when I found a sick triceratops in Steven Spielberg’s Jurassic Park. It should work for you too! - LAURA DERN

You [Odysseus]: Strapped to the mast of your ship, begging for release. Us [Sirens]: The flock of smoking hot bird-babes perched on the rocks, brutalizing you with our siren song. No one has ever resisted us before! Or since!

Dr. Seuss: Today you were born! Don’t look so forlorn! At least you don’t have kids who could find your weird porn.

The disastrous live-action pilot for Bojack Horseman: After seeing how horrific the half-human characters would have looked in a more realistic setting, it is now evident why Netflix started their animation division. And more.

By the time you piece together the hazy events of last night, you, my dear, will realize that you are in fact the tart in this simple French dish. To “flambé” your tarte, simply add a generous pour of any liqueur of your choice –bypassing the use of a blow torch or flame of any kind—and voila!

In This Family We Love, Laugh, and At Least Consider Grad School, Your Cousin Went. And more.

Our organization has been combating the ruinous tides of fascism since our forefathers fought (safely, from the mainland) in World War I. We've compiled a list of ways you, a passive patriot, can make a difference without leaving your living room.

We've totally upgraded the storage amount available with our Amazon Photos service! Load up to three times as many photos, with even more high quality resolution! And if you "accidentally" load some naughty naked photos, it will only be a small, one time fee of $550 to get them back! You're very lucky that we like you.

Wes Anderson- Jon Snow feels he sticks out like a sore thumb in the Stark family. He and Theon start their own local theatre company, using Theon’s status as a eunuch to their costuming advantage. We find out that the Night King is played by Bill Murray. The soundtrack is eclectic and enchanting.

“The long-awaited new album by Bob Eckstein is dropping worldwide April 1st called Eleven Songs About Me, a collection of eleven jazz-infused love songs. The first single is “It’s Not You It’s Him.”

Please stop committing fraud to ensure your child’s admission. Instead, please bribe us directly, through donations, gifts, and public appearances.

Show & Cartel: Children of local drug lords show off the interesting items that they've found in the torture-room of their parents' opulent home. (AMC) and more.

Can you imagine my pain of not living in a Sky High oriented world for so long? The rejection from society turning me into a Sky High pariah? My friends don’t even remember the name of the villain (it’s Gwen).

Phil: Tonight’s date will be in four parts: Act I: Pleasantries: Shallow, nonaggressive compliments, observations about the restaurant’s rustic decor; Act II: Dinner and the Exchange of Personal Anecdotes: I’ll tell my story about that time I saw John Travolta at the post office; Act III: Foreplay: Are ears an erogenous zone? We’ll explore each other’s bodies and find out; and, finally, Act IV: Lovemaking: Can two souls still passionately intertwine in our modern age? Stay tuned. Anna: Sorry?

Oh, hello there. I’m actor and singing legend Art Garfunkel, and I’m wondering whether you and Gary are free to watch the Super Bowl with me on Sunday. Just a few friends gathering together, reveling in the thrill and glory of spor—no, not a big party. Just a few friends. Ah, no, Paul won’t be there.

For your best 2019, call John Kelly now at the number below. I can’t make you the best you, but I think I can keep you from being the worst you, just by being around all the time.

Pursuant to Gotham City legal statutes, you are hereby given notice that my clients, your former employees, intend to commence a class-action lawsuit against Wayne Enterprises and its subsidiaries to demand change to the abusive working conditions at Wayne Tech Fulfillment Centers. Many are scared to take bathroom breaks as your employee handbook frequently states “CRIME DOESN’T TAKE A BREAK!”

How is Anthony? Is he grown? Does he have his first girlfriend yet? I hope the life-size 6ft dummy I sent with my last note was a suitable replacement for my non-attendance at his piano recital. We’re almost to hump day of Cyber Monday Deals Week, and I fear what will follow. I miss you and hold hope to return to see the family for our annual Christmas Celebration on January 14th

It’s all too simple to fall into Daedalus’s labyrinth of materialism. We blindly follow capitalism’s siren call and consequently find ourselves dashed upon the rocks of wage labor, obscene wealth, and frumpy big-box stores. I didn’t want to wake up and find that I had not lived, so I packed up and moved to a Spartan, two-bedroom cabin in the Adirondacks for a few months. It hasn’t been redone since the ‘90s, but that was kind of the point, right? And since my parents were wintering in Palm Beach, I knew it would be free till at least March.

The Metaphysics of the Second Date: A Syllabus Professor: Lone…

Am I nervous about adjusting to non-digital life? Sure. How do people know if someone has been brave if not with the hashtag #brave? How will I know if someone is talking to me if they don’t tag my handle in their reply? I’m hoping to find answers during my cleanse.

Here’s a photo of your family. Click on the people you no longer talk to. Then click on the people who have asked to borrow money.

ANCHOR 2: Our thoughts are with the victims and their families. ANCHOR 1: Thoughts. Prayers. ANCHOR 2: Yes, of course, thoughts and prayers. ANCHOR 1: And now: How to look like a celebrity, on a budget!

12:26 PM from Cuminoids: Looks like Farm 2 Mouth meal delivery just showed up at the same time. Not sure why you have both services going as Cuminoids has everything you could need in our inventory with an emphasis on all things enhanced by Cumin.

1700s: Teach your parrot to say naughty things. It cannot be overstated how important this is.

Google Douchebag is the first fully autonomous, humanoid A.I. that’s been programmed to do exactly one thing – harass all of you indiscriminately. Why? Because we are a company built on equality, inclusion, and robots.