They decorate them after the slaughter. Today's cartoon by Grayson Gibbs.

Every Blue down in Blue-Ville loved stimulus a lot. But the Mitch who lived in the Senate of Blue Ville did not. The Mitch hated stimulus! The whole Covid season! Maybe because he believes socialism is treason. 

Now, about Slack. It seems there have been some problems lately when it comes to people not responding to messages – how should I say this – quickly. I’ve talked with Bob and Bob about this and we feel like this is a good sign of whether or not someone is a team player. We’re going on month eight of working from home, so by now you should be treating this as if you’re at your desk or otherwise within my line of sight.

Lion (male): Your masculinity is toxic. Lion (female): You’re forced to carry the emotional labor for your entire family. Scar from The Lion King: You are murderously jealous of your older, more successful brother.

You will have to wear a mask. Diseased meats taste worse. And we don’t want the pigs to taste badly.

Chapter 3- Growing Up: My Dad was a Nazi, and if you’d asked me when I was a boy if that would help me relate to people, I’d have said “no.” But, as it turns out, “yes.”

Laverne & Squirrelly, Stork and Mindy, Fresh Off The Goat, and more #animalsitcoms on this week's trending joke game!

Weekly Humorist New Briefs: Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.

I'll bite your ankles! Today's cartoon by Tom Chitty.

Hey Alexa, I get it. America is about to have its second Civil War. We are a flaming pile of shit. There are a lot of noises in this house, lots of stuff being screamed at the TV, but I need you to focus up: my baby refuses to let me wipe her ass unless you play Baby Beluga by Raffi. You need to play Baby Beluga by Raffi.

He's rounding the corner! Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

It's the LEAST you can do- and we do mean the least. Cartoon by Brandon Hicks.

A Reality Star joins Cameo during quarantine and has a meltdown while recording a birthday message for a fan.

Sexy Cancelled Wedding: Did you cancel your wedding during COVID-19 or get invited to a cancelled wedding? Mmm, nothing sexier. In this micro-wedding dress, there are cancelled deposits stuck all over, as well as wedding vows from real almost couples who have now broken up cause it’s a pandemic and they realize they hate each other and the other person is a fricking weird chewer.

Gonna ruin your dinner! Today's cartoon by Asher Perlman.

Don't get zoomed! Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

Rock the Moat. Today's cartoon by Dan Misdea.

Lure the Trump supporter to a tantalizing mock-up garage sale, featuring items such as confederate flag shot-glasses and beer cozies, back issues of Guns & Ammo, and collectible figurines and snow-globes that feature Jesus punching a hippie in the mouth.

You need FYOOM. Because for an additional fee you can press a button on your own laptop and blast your own scent to the other video conference participants. Because if no one smells your Drakkar Noir, does it even have a fragrance???

Sighclops, Sass quatch, Moodusa, and more #MoodyMonsters on this week's trending joke game!

Weekly Humorist News Briefs: Breaking news, Into Little Pieces.

Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret Cho, LeBron James and the Giant Peach, The Ceelo Green Mile, and more #CelebABook on this week's trending joke game!

Don't get creamed! Today's cartoon by Ivan Ehlers.

Thursday, October 15- Following the previous evening's debate, Trump voters decide to finally being wearing masks, but due to embarrassment rather than pandemic concerns.

This episode of Talkward welcomes the non-stop comedy cartoon duo Bob Eckstein and Michael Shaw! The both are long-time famous cartoonists and writers who have been featured in The New Yorker, New York Times, among many others. They have a new book out, THE ELEMENTS OF STRESS and the Pursuit of Happy-ish in this Current Sh*tstorm! It aims to help de-stress our currently very stressful world. It's very funny, and guaranteed to relax you, even if you have to roll it up and smoke it.

For either a zombie apocalypse or an errand involving a toddler, pack enough provisions for three times the anticipated length of your trip. Water bottles and cereal bars are recommended for both. Canned luncheon meat is highly desirable for fleeing zombies, but can get mixed reactions from toddlers.

This shark impacts different people in different ways. It violently pulls some people underwater, only to have their partial remains wash ashore the next day while others it merely maims and leaves permanently disfigured. 

Row, Row, Scroll, Scroll. Today's cartoon by Jake Goldwasser.

Suddenly prime real estate. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

Go on lots of walks alone in the woods. Swear immovable hatred for them to no one in particular. Keep a detailed, running tally of their offenses in a diary. And more.

Totally tubular 'burbs bro! Today's cartoon by David Ostow and Daniel Salomon.

Killer compliment. Today's cartoon by Kit Lively.

Why have the police set up a command center on top of my Spiderman air hockey table?  No, I did not know a gravelly voice identifying himself only as The Sandman was calling every thirteen minutes. And I had no idea he was threatening my life if you didn’t acquiesce to his demand for a sculpture in his likeness made of gypsum sand and the blood of virgin stallions. Marianne, it was probably just some kid yanking your crank.      

Just one more scroll...Today's cartoon by Ernio Hernandez.

A Tale Of Two CDCs, Pride & Prejudiced President, Nasty Little Women, and more!

Panic! At The Dildo, Spinal WAP, Death Cab for Booty, and more #RaunchyRockBands on this week's trending joke game!

Ferris Bueller’s Nightmare on Elm Street, Revenge of the Scanners, Full Metal Jedi, and more!

A woman should always be held to an unimaginably higher standard than a man. How else will we know they’re worthy of bearing our children or looking after property that they can never legally own?

De-evolution. Today's cartoon by Paul Cannata.

The Great White, Bull, and Hammerhead Sharks were among the first to opt out of this year’s Shark Week. The Megaladon has insisted that they’re still comfortable in their 3.6 million year retirement and will not return to help out The Discovery Channel and we support their decision. Minor League Shark Week, which consists solely of Whale Shark programming, has been outright cancelled.

Good to have some ME time. Today's cartoon by Dan Misdea.

Big Ding-Dong Whale, Shamu, Moby Penis, Jedediah Whaleshlong (Note to self: too long)

Look out for the eviction fairy. Today's cartoon by Drew Panckeri.

Hope they are charged up for the game! Today's cartoon by Paul Lander and Dan McConnell.

“Of course I remember you! I was homecoming queen after all, and a queen always remembers her subjects. I’m just kidding. Not about homecoming queen. I was homecoming queen, and also cheerleading captain, and student vice president, remember? Remember that great halftime show our senior year?”

The Walrusing  Dead, House Of Carps, Who’s Th’ Bass? and more!

Personal Space Invaders, Fartnite, Chronic the Hedgehog, and more #VileVideoGames on this week's trending joke game!

Weekly Humorist News Briefs. Breaking News, Into Little Pieces.