Victory speech transcript from the 2116 Elections

Back to the future: so much can change in so little time Thank…

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WikiLeaks Bombshell: Militia Group Issues ‘Stand Down’ Order, Four Erections Die

KALAMAZOO, Mich. – As Republican presidential candidate Donald…

So You're Moving To Another Country...

What Now? Things To Consider:   1) Don't Go From…

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Regardless of who ultimately wins, the night of the Presidential…

Very Last Minute Election Surprises

Adak, Alaska has the pleasant distinction of being home to the…

You've Decided to Vote for Trump, But Can You Figure Out Which Robert E. Lee High School the Polling Place Is Located?

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Election Day Voting Checklist

Are you ready to make the arduous journey to your local voting…

Notes From Hillary's Diary

For the next week leading up to the election, Hillary Clinton…

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FOTO BOMB: Megyn and Newt's First Date

Mike Pence's Thoughts As The Plane Skidded Around

Republican Vice Presidential candidate Mike Pence was in a plane…

Civil War Soldier Writes Home to Mother About Losing his Virginity

“Dear Mother, I shall hope you receive this letter in good…

Melania's Whistle-Stop Tour

The odd, little out of the way places that Trump's campaign advisors…

TrumpTV: 15 Shows He Will Remake For His New Network

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Alliterative Day-of-the-Week Themes to Boost Morale at Your Startup

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FOTO BOMB: Bad Hombres! Coming Soon!

Can We Guess Your Age As Part Of A Deeply Sinister Population Control Program?

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Surprise Guests of the 3rd 2016 Presidential Debate!

Today's CNN report cited the guests invited to tonight debate…

FOTO BOMB: Hillary's Peaceful Campaign

Melania Trump Body Language Decoded

Anderson Cooper's CNN interview with Melania Trump held very…

Internal Trump Campaign Emails From Last Weekend

+++++++++++++ Friday, Oct. 7, 2016 3:35 pm From: Donald To:…

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The Upcoming Calendar Of Mr. Kenneth Bone

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Trump's Other Favorite Sputnik News Stories

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Other Times That Billy Bush's Shenanigans Have Landed Him in Hot Water

Forget about Trump! What about that little scoundrel, Billy Bush? His…

Foto Bomb: Trumpenstein!

Paul Ryan said he'll no longer defend Trump. Dr. Frankenstein must have been pretty tired of defending his monster too .

Foto Bomb: Trump Debate Strategy

Town-Hall Debate Drinking Game

Do a shot every time that:   Donald Trump attempts…

Fallout Events From the Trump Video

  In a surprise move the Tic-Tac organization chooses…

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It's Hillary's fault. He's done plenty of other illegal…

Hustler Magazine's Reasons Why Donald Trump Should Be Our Next President

USA Today has come out against Trump. As is of course their right. To…

What Trump Did Right During the Debate

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Questions Rejected From Being Used During The Clinton / Trump Debate

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FOTO BOMB: Weiner

5 Valuable Life Lessons I Learned Managing the 837 Checking Accounts Wells Fargo Opened for Me

If there’s one thing I learned from watching movies about other…

Items Purchased With Misappropriated Trump Foundation Funds

Human centipede made up of losers from past seasons of The Apprentice. [$20K…

The Politically Incorrect Traveler's Exam

Travel magazines, basic cable channels, and websites inevitably…

Top FAQs On The Ashley Madison Site

If I catch an STD from one of the dates provided by your site,…

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Chillax, Inc. Thanks to an accounting…

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Weekend At Hillary's

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"... just saying, if someone is being paid to give me a proper…

Top Five Tips for Selecting Babies from the Hospital Nursery

Who isn’t an animal lover? Our pets are our best friends, our…

Donald's Letters to God

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It's fall, time to wave goodbye to the people shooting at you…

What Will it Take to Get Anthony Weiner to Stop Sexting?

There are only a few viable scenarios that appear likely:   His…

The University of Chicago's Letter to Incoming Students

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'Stranger Things' Demogorgon Exclusive Interview

In the wake of Netflix's smash hit Stranger Things, fans are…

10 Other Things Ryan Lochte Also "Over Exaggerated"

After the Olympic games closed, Ryan Lochte's mom discovered…

In Defense of Heather Bresch and EpiPen Price Hike

People are chomping at the bit, demanding blood and worse from…

Real, Genuine Reasons Donald J. Trump Is Refusing To Release His Tax Returns

Accidentally spilled a two liter of Big Red soda onto the form,…

Non-Televised Rio Olympics Events

100m Police Chase Rusty Wire Fence Hurdles Smoke-Grenade…

Subject: Fear Not, Gun Lovers!

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Answer Sheet For The Exam Of Kanye’s God-Level Sommelier

Any deviation from these exact answers during the blind tasting…

Trump’s Olympic Demonstration Sports

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The Endings Of Those Novels You Were Supposed To Read Over The Summer

A new school year is fast approaching, and I'm willing to bet…

Signs Trump Is Actually Losing It

Recently paid workers for a job he hired them to perform. Gave…

Six Republican Men You’d Totally Invite into the Bathroom with Your Daughter

We’ve all been there: watching your young daughter walk into…

Potentially Delicious Items from the 2016 DNC Concession Menu

Hill-a-refried Beans $25.00 We in the food service industry…

Five Reactions from Those Who Met Saul Alinsky on the DNC Floor and Immediately Learned He's Been Dead Since 1972

It's been a real Who's Who on the floor of the Democratic National…

DNC Drinking Game!

Drink every time someone says that they are NOT Donald Trump Drink…

Duties of Those Cleaning the Convention Center Following the RNC

Repair porta potty glory holes Contact landfill re: thousands…

Tasty Items For Sale At The RNC Concession Stands

Trump Roast $74.50 Baloney. Lots and lots of roasted baloney.…

GOP Convention Drinking Game!

Drink every time the camera pans to an overweight woman in a…

Four Strange Things Found in Michelle Obama's 2008 DNC Speech

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President Trump White House Tour

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The Real Reasons Behind The Female Ghostbusters Backlash

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Whore-O-Scope

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Handy-Dandy Tips On Staying Safe From Shark Attacks

While swimming, find a shark and wrestle it to submission.  …

Tips For A Fun, Massacre-Free Backyard Barbecue

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Mad (Trump) Libs

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The Crossword Couple!

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So You’re Thinking of Symbolically Adopting an Elephant

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A Few Examples of When It’s Okay, Even Advisable, To Report Your Neighbor To The Police

His only contributions to the block garage sale are always…

Things Paul Ryan Would Endorse For President Before Donald Trump

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Hello, thank you all for coming today. We are here not to mourn,…

New Career Plans For Ted Cruz

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Popular Prom Themes For 2016

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For All The Nevers In Life: If The State Farm Ad was Self-Aware

[We open on a wild, alcohol-fueled pool party with…

Bernie Sanders Campaign Groupie Sex Diary

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Expert Tequila Taste Test

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Trump Snarls

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Coked Up   "Check out my new dental work"   Super…

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Newly Leaked Hillary Emails Suggest She May Have Seen 'Hamilton,' Or Is Just Crazy

Original Message From:Huma Abedin <Huma@clintonemail.com> To:…

NPR FAN FICTION

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New Art Gallery Openings

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Tip-Top Tips to Terminate a Trumper Tantrum

The world can be a scary place even without Donald Trump around.…

Hillary's Top Secret E-Mails

After several months of furious work, hackers have managed to…

New On Broadway!

My Dinner with Andre II: Just Desserts Andre Gregory and Wallace…

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How To: World Domination for Bears

Are you a bear and can read? Do you lust for more than just salmon?…

The Summer of My Erotic Marxist Awakening

I suppose we were what you'd call an odd couple, Karl Heinrich Marx and me. After all, I was just a pimple-faced 16-year-old from Kenosha, WI, and he was the German revolutionary and theorist whose Communist Manifesto had forever altered the course of Western Civilization.

Dear Donald

Donald Trump receives thousands of letters every week asking…

IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE - THE DISCARDED "POTTERSVILLE" ENDING

The screenplay for the 1946 holiday classic It's a Wonderful…

Things to Bet On In NY Now that FanDuel and DraftKings Are Shut Down

-300 Express subway train pulls away right as you get to the…

Competitive Duck Mimicry to Debut at 2016 Summer Olympics

The International Duck Mimicry Federation has announced Duck…

Modern Day Postcards

Most Likely Places to Find Pipes Mistakenly Left Behind by Bertrand Russell

Most Likely Places to Find Pipes Mistakenly Left Behind by Bertrand…

Rent-A-Baby

Hello ladies.  Are you 40?   Single? Married? Divorced? Overworked?…

Pumpkin Spice Latte; A DEA Drug Fact Sheet

Autumn comes with shortening days, and associations with stressful…

Indiego-gone

Hey Man, Dude, first, thanks so much for donating to my Kickstarter…

Pope’s Dope Robe Probed

Hey The Pope - just because you're The Pope doesn't mean you…

How To: World Domination for Pirates

Congratulations on your interest in world domination! You are…

How to Dominate Friends and Repel Losers

Dale Carnegie’s seminal work, How to Win Friends and Influence…

Who Said It: Donald Trump or Bill the Butcher from "Gangs of New York"?

1. “You see this knife? I'm gonna teach you to speak English…

Geppeto: Helicopter Parent

FROM: Geppetto@earthlink.com TO: Sunnydale Elementary Listserv RE:…

The Olive Garden Specials Menu written by a Former Political Operative

The Gamechanger This artichoke and basil pesto panini is, simply…

50 Least Infectious Diseases

1. Subhuman papillomavirus 2. Weeping cough 3. Mackerel degeneration 4.…

My Sincerest Apologies: Barnes & Noble

Dear Barnes and Noble, I am so sorry. I know nothing I can…

The 50 Least Successful Minor League Franchises

1. San Fernando Valley Fluffers 2. Briscoe County Juniors 3.…