Posts

Things A Dad Should Not Say To His Class Of 2020 Daughter On Prom Night

The big positive is that in 25 years nobody will be able to point to your prom photos and say, "Can you believe you ever wore your hair like that?"

I am the Bucket of Pig’s Blood Perched Atop the Rafters in This Empty High School Gymnasium

Anything could have happened on prom day – just like in the movies - that first kiss, getting finger banged in the limo, being voted to prom court, and the possibility of a deadly inferno promulgated by the telekinetic outcast who just got a bucket of pig’s blood dumped on her!

CARTOON: Inspection

Looks perfect here, masks not required. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

Masterclasses Coming To A YouTube Ad Near You

I Am Not Throwing Away My Slot: Vigilance, Grit and Determination in the Face of All Odds of Snagging an Instacart Delivery Time, with Lin Manuel Miranda

CARTOON: Taking Stock

Missing the spotlight? Today's cartoon by Ali Solomon.

#FuriousFruits

Honeydon’t, Sour Grapes, Mango to hell, and more #FuriousFruits on this week's trending joke game!

CARTOON: Summer 2020 Poolside Styles

Don't forget to floss! Today's cartoon by David Ostow.

Newly Discovered Side Effects of Hydroxychloroquine

Side Effects include: Distrust of medical professionals, Urge to ingest Lysol Wipes, Late night rage tweeting, and more.

The Spring 2020 Vera Wang Wedding Dress Collection

The Fauci – Strapless soft sweetheart full A-line gown with draped wrap DuPont Tyvek 400 haz-mat bodice and swirling frothy draped skirt made from high-density polyethylene with guaranteed protection from particles and virus < 1 micron in size.  Accentuated with organza sprig appliques with hand-tacked voluminous framed horsehair overskirt.  Available in ivory or white.  Or reflective yellow latex.

The Amazon Prime Fresh Prince of Bel Air and 11 Other CoronaVirus TV Show Reboots

Stay at Home Improvement, Dr Birx, Medicine Woman, and more!

New Uses For Obsolete Bras

Dog harness, Privacy screens, and more uses for all those unused bras.

CARTOON: Our American Leader Ship

We are all stuck on this cruise ship. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

What the Hell, Hummingbirds?

Screw that! You’re not special, just because you flap your wings up to 80 times per second and have a heart rate that reaches 1,260 beats per minute. Big whoop! I have a heart too you know, and while it might not beat as fast as yours does, it can still break when its birdwatching needs go unfulfilled.

#KinkyCartoons

SpongeBob NoPants, Bi-Curious George, The Gimpsons, and more #KinkyCartoons on this week's trending joke game!

People and Things I Would Rather Vote for Than Trump

The list is long, and repulsive, yet all much, much better options. Illustrated list by Jason Chatfield.

CARTOON: Going Deep

Maybe a little of both? Today's cartoon by Joseph Dottino.

CARTOON: Mom Wipes

You got a little something on your cheek. Today's cartoon by Michael Shaw.

Revised Rides at Reopening Disney Shanghai

If You Thought It Was A Small World Before, Just Wait A Few More Weeks, The Tower of Terrible Tik Toks, Don't Splash Anything On Me Mountain, and more.

QUARANTEEN Magazine

Your first kiss!! Which type of face-masks are best? ... Page 34/ Win a Zoom chat video lunch date with Nick Jonas!! .... Page 38/ No need to social distance yourself from these hot shirtless hunk wall posters !!

CARTOON: Far Fade

A lot off the top. Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

If Other Professions Recruited Like Multi-Level Marketing Scams

If you’ve ever wanted to work in your pjs, set your own hours, and be the proud owner of your own business, I’d love to talk with you about becoming a stay-at-home mom. The hours are grueling and the opportunities to work literally never end...

CARTOON: Ahoy!

You sure? You should see the buffet! Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

#EvilMusicals

The Tiger King and I, A Little Fright Music, Gaslight Express, Jared and the Amazing Technicolor Dumbass, and more #EvilMusicals on this week's trending joke game!

We, Arby's, Regret to Inform You We No Longer 'Have the Meats'

We do not anticipate needing to resort to desperate measures, such as having veggies.

Classic Novels Rewritten for the Coronavirus Pandemic 

The Great Gatsby Regrets Having That Party Because Now He Has to Disinfect His Whole Damn House

CARTOON: Warp Drive

He went to Jared. Again. Today's cartoon by Ivan Ehlers.

Pandemericks

We’re asked to shelter in place,/ And “No more touching your face!”,/ But some just refuse,/ Shouting “Fake news!”,/ And embarrassing the human race.

One-Minute Coronavirus Mysteries

Yesterday morning, you baked a loaf of chocolate chip banana bread.  This morning, there was no chocolate chip banana bread left.  Why? (A: You ate the entire loaf last night in six minutes while ugly-crying about the future of humanity.)

CARTOON: Pence Sense

Solid Pence Sense. Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

Woman's Yelp Profile: Sushi, Refrigerators, and Murder

Took out a policy on my husband. Quick and easy. They never needed to even meet him; they let me gather the signatures on my own. Didn’t ask why the accidental death premium was so high. Their discretion was greatly appreciated.

CARTOON: Critic's Choice

Walk this way! Today's cartoon by David Ostow.

The Little Pence

From forbidden asteroids to dinners alone, take a journey with The Little Pence.

CARTOON: Whine Time

Go have a snack and a nap. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

Excerpts from the NEW New Broadway Adaptation of To Kill a Mockingbird Starring Naomi Campbell as Calpurnia

CALPURNIA: Atticus, you better check your lipstick before you even think of coming to talk to me.  *Does a sultry hair flip and eye ball roll.*  Now, don’t go tugging at that dress, Scout. You want to have it all wrinkled before you even get to school? 

CARTOON: Pod Popper

Also comes as a miracle elixir! Today's cartoon by Tyson Cole.

CARTOON: Unhinged Definition

In case you needed a lesson. Clorox Coffee anyone? Today's cartoon by Paul Lander and Dan McConnell.

Edible Arrangements for Unforgivable Situations

Oh No, I Apri-cut Your Nuts! Created to specifically address the surprising rise of violence in the Edible Arrangements community, this bevvy of dried apricots and rich cashews are sure to say “I’m sorry I cut off your testicles. Let’s still be friends.”

#GrossGameShows

Wheel of Foreskin, Rash Cab, Whose Swine is it Anyway?, and more #GrossGameShows on this week's trending joke game!

Off-Brand Product Reviews

KWALLA-T Tissue. Like an actual koala, KWALLA-T is tough, smells like eucalyptus, and may scratch you if you get too close.

CARTOON: Meta Metamorphosis

Meta Metamorphosis! In today's cartoon by Joe Wos.

CARTOON: Mean Screens

Don't zoom in too close. Today's cartoon by David Ostow.

Ask Dr. Kit: Pup Smear - Veterinary Queries

Dear Nuts...   You're trying to get me to use the phrase, "you should drain your lizard".   And I'm not going to do it.   Nope.   Please discontinue this nonsense.

CARTOON: Missing Something?

Missing something? Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

CARTOON: Signed Out

Some leave their mark with positive action, others...Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

I Wish to Apologize for our Class’ “Zoombomber” and his Pedestrian Contributions to our Discussion of To the Lighthouse

This is my fault. I should have ended class the moment AssOlympics began monologuing about how Mrs. Ramsay a “Christ-like” protagonist.

#BandAFood

The Mamas and the Pastas, Justin Beefer, David Lee Broth, and more #BandAFood on this week's trending joke game!

Why Did You Unfollow Me on Twitter?

Look, I’m not threatening you, but if you don’t re-follow me, I’ll have to unfollow you. Then I would have to manually check your Twitter every couple days to see what you’ve been saying, and that would really be a pain. 

Today’s Hot Celebrity Gossip!

Tom Brady just started reading "Where the Crawdads Sing." Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani just ran out of hazelnut coffee creamer. And more!

Pandemic Advice From The Mars Rovers

Keep at least 141 million miles distance between you and Earth. Binge watch Season 2 of 01010111. Don’t touch your antenna. And more!

Where are they now: John Mellencamp’s Jack and Diane Look Back on Nearly Forty Years of Marriage

What was it like growing up in the heartland? Jack: Well, back then we didn’t have a care in the world.  We’d spend all of our days suckin’ on chili dogs outside the Tastee Freez.  That may have contributed to my heart disease and Diane’s diabetes.

Truly Terrible Tips & Tricks To Keep From Touching Your Own Face

Attempt to beat the world record for juggling. And more.

Jared Kushner’s Morning Pages

Today I will do the coronavirus response briefing and it will be amazing! This time I will remember to swallow. Last night I did arm practice with Ivanka for two hours. I think I’m finally getting how to hold them! 

Prevent Coronavirus with These Methods of Olde Tymes

After all, nobody died of Coronavirus 800 years ago. Try some of these time-tested methods for preventing plague and hack the coronavirus, old-school style.

CARTOON: Fashion Watch

Going somewhere? Can you imagine? Today's cartoon by Brandon Hicks.

Elon Musk Brainstorms More Ways to Help During the Pandemic

It’s an outrage that healthcare providers don’t have access to critical medical supplies, like masks with Bluetooth capability. Docs are treating sick people every day, but what about sick beats? See if we can spin up a model that can RickRoll patients when things get too heavy.

COVID-19 Pickup Lines

Do you come here to panic buy often?

Rules of POLITICS the Board Game

Grab dice from other player’s hand, chuck across room and move pieces on board while America is looking the other way.

CARTOON: Zoom Face

Face froze? Might need a reboot. Today's cartoon by Ali Solomon.

I am Andrew Cuomo's PowerPoint Presentation and I Will Save This Country

I will not and shall not be tainted by Comic Sans. It’s Arial. All-day, every day. If I am feeling saucy, then perhaps Helvetica. SOMETIMES ALL CAPS. If I am really trying to get a point across, those words will be colored. What color? •Butterscotch.

Revised Days of the Week

The new quarantined calendar includes, Sonday: Technically Monday, but everyone is still hungover from Saturday night - Sunday morning. Also, still wearing sweatpants from Sunday. No, I mean last Sunday, a week ago.

#DepressedDrinks

Grim & Tonic, Mountain Blue, Red Whine, and more #DepressedDrinks on this week's trending joke game!

CARTOON: Kitchen Confinement

Sticky fingers? Crime and grime? Wash your hands. Today's cartoon by David Ostow.

The College has Hired a Ragtag Group of Academic Con Artists to Ensure we Pass Middle States

We've skated by on our good looks and luck for too long, and now that we have a problem with our water fountains only dispensing Dr. Pepper, we can't afford to take a risk. This is why the college has decided to hire a ragtag group of academic thieves to help us pass Middle States. 

I Get Knocked Down.  But I Get Up Again.

I just got knocked down in between writing this paragraph and the paragraph above it, the one about getting knocked down and getting up again at the Richard Marx concert.

69ing to Herd Immunity

As the chief architect of this revolutionary plan I would, of course, love to volunteer to test it out. However, I’ve got this hip thing that currently makes sexual flexibility a real challenge. But you guys go ahead and get it started!

CARTOON: The New Economy

Spare a square? Today's cartoon by Jefferson Deng.

All I Had Were Turnips

I know I was supposed to bring an upside-down pineapple cake to the potluck, but I opened the fridge and all I had were turnips. Turnips, a bottle of ranch, and a dead bird I found in the yard a few weeks ago.

#HornyHobbies

Master Baking, Morning Wood Working and Crotchet and more #hornyhobbies in our trending joke game!

CARTOON: Ruff Advice

Sit, stay, wash your hands. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

CARTOON: Binge Watching in a Pandemic

They just walked outside? Ridiculous. Today's cartoon by Jefferson Deng.

A Look Back on the Beatles, the Worst Band of the 1990s

“I Wanna Be Your Terminator 2” “With a Little Help from My Friends (Theme from Friends)” “You’re Gonna Lose That Macarena Girl” and more!

Honest Spring Cleaning Intentions

Rearrange the refrigerator magnets by size, then by color, and then by how they were before. Start “clean eating” (eating onion rings on a clean plate). And more.

CARTOON: WTF WFH

Kitchen table feeling smaller and smaller? Today's cartoon by Michael Shaw.

Buy My Book, It Will Protect You from the Coronavirus, Says Author Whose Public Appearances Have All Been Canceled

How can my book protect you, then? Well, for one thing, it’s such a compelling read you won’t want to leave your house, and if you don’t leave your house, you can’t catch anything.

5 Honest Yelp Reviews About the New Cannabis Cafe in Town

*4 out of 5 stars* Great selection, pleasant atmosphere, and knowledgeable waitstaff. My one complaint: They really need to streamline the payment process. It was unclear to me whether I needed to pay with a card, pay with cash, or whether I had already paid hours ago and the staff was glaring at me, waiting for me to leave. - Daniel M.

I’m Sorry I Yelled at You About Your Guns, Uncle Jack

I’m also sorry I mocked you for your food hoards – I’m sorry, I’m sorry, supply stores. I bet *you’re* not out of toilet paper, right? Ha, ha. I know I made fun of the fact that you’d cached so many Slim Jims, but a lot of what you had down there was of solid nutritional value. 

CARTOON: Sanitized

And repeat, and repeat, and repeat...Today's cartoon by Andy Cowan and Dan McConnell.

#NaughtyBoardGames

'Blouse Trap', 'Go Fist', 'Sorry, Wrong Hole'. Oh my, things got adult and we trended with #NaughtyBoardGames on this week's joke game!

CARTOON: Coughference Call

"First, let me thank you all for continuing to work so diligently from home during these very uncertain times and -- oof-- whoever that was, I don't like the sound of that cough."

CARTOON: Don't Stand So Close To Me

Don't corn my beef. Today's cartoon by Pat Byrnes.

CARTOON: Luckless

Also all pots of gold will now be filled with toilet paper. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

Truly Terrible Tips For Staying Home To Avoid The Coronavirus

That huge stash of toilet paper you unwisely purchased at Costco?    Flaming rolls of toilet tissue make great projectiles to discourage neighbors, family and other potential germ-farms from getting too close to your house.

Little Red Riding Hood

It took Little Red Riding Hood all of five seconds to get over her grandmother’s death. And, unknown to the Wolf, Little Red Riding Hood had the super-human strength of ten giant hamsters and quickly subdued him.

Notes for My Cat Sitter

If she appears bored or lonesome, turn on 'Vanderpump Rules'. It reminds her that she hates society.

Witnesses Describe A Dueling Piano Bar Performance That Ended In Bloodshed

Agnes, 72 -- “He crawled on top of the piano trying to be sexy while holding back tears. The guy dressed as Pinocchio started singing and playing a made up song called “Piano-cchio Man” by pecking each key with his long nose. It was a clever play on words but a really long way to go for it.

#BreakfastATVshow

Game of Scones, Griddle House on the Prairie, Murder She Oat, Buns of Anarchy, and more #BreakfastATVshow on this week's joke game!

An Ignorant Satirist Answers Your Questions About Coronavirus

Q: How can I protect myself? A: Sorry, you can’t. The universe is a totally random place.  How else can we possibly understand the popularity of 'Dancing With The Stars'?

CARTOON: Hard Thoughts

Amazingly sculpted cold sweat detail! Today's cartoon by Grayson Gibbs.

One Last Candidate to Add to the Ring

But this is not the time for radical ideas like electing anyone but the flesh and blood equivalent of a jar of mayonnaise, and I was named “Most Likely to Actually Be Jar of Mayonnaise” in high school!

Unhelpful Clues Given to Me by Mindy Cohn During an October 1987 Taping of The $25,000 Pyramid Where the Category to Be Guessed Was “Things You Do on a Boat”

Scott Baio, Heave, Make certain Gary Coleman is sedated, and more!

CARTOON: Home Office

Lead by example, Будем здоровы! Today's cartoon by Ivan Ehlers.

CARTOON: Sound Sleeper

Getting rammed into REM. Today's cartoon by Mike Shiell.

Truly Terrible Ways To Prevent The Spread Of Coronavirus

Wipe down all surfaces with Sierra Mist. And more.

If You Had COVID-19 and the Presidential Candidates Were Your Doctors

Trump: Probably just a cold. You should go back to work.  *Resident behind him* He doesn't even work here.

Sample Scripts for the Elizabeth Warren Drunken Recrimination Phone Bank

You’ve indicated in the past that you’d be happy to vote for a woman, you just “weren’t that into” Hillary Clinton. And yet you’ve voiced concerns that Elizabeth Warren just isn’t “electable.” What does “electable” mean to you?

CARTOON: New Coronavirus Mascot

Oh, you're traveling? Wow, your trip must be pretty important...Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

Other Reality Dating Shows Willfully Misinterpreting Famous Love Quotes

* “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet” - Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet * Now streaming on Netflix: A Rose As Sweet! One bachelor will date twenty women named Rose. The twist: he can’t see them or talk to them. He must decide which Rose to marry -- only by smelling them.

Anti-Vaxxer Logic Applied to Your Middle School Years

Remember that time you tried to talk to Angie Driscoll when she was drinking from the water fountain and she choked because you startled her and her friends whisked her away and you just stood there staring at your pants? That’s why your parents got divorced.

#CelebAnAnimal

Timothy Elephant, Chick Norris, Betty White Shark, and more #CelebAnAnimal on this week's joke game!

Who Really Solves a Majority of Murders?

Mystery novelists (both big city and small town), Single women who recently inherited a business from a dead Aunt (most likely a bakery),  Sassy New Jersey bounty hunters, and more!

In These Fraught Times, We Need A President Who Will Unite The Nation With Honor, Integrity, And The Delicious Flavor Of Quiznos (SPONSORED CONTENT)

Ladies and gentlemen, in these tumultuous times, we understand that the road ahead of us is a long one. But remember... our founding fathers did not sacrifice their lives just for this nation to inherit a future of dry, stale, Jimmy-John's-flavored ineptitude.

CARTOON: Keto Question

Some avocardio might help. Today's cartoon by Tyson Cole.

OH! THE PLACES YOU’LL GO! As a Single Woman on Group Trips

You’ll look at the mountains. Look ‘em over with care! / Because on our ski trip, you’ll stay in that lair./ With your body so small and your person so single, / you won’t mind if the bobcats come in to commingle./

CARTOON: Coronaryvirus

Don't panic. Trump has protections in place.

Stuff I Carry in the Gaps Between My Boobs and My Ill-Fitting Bras

What do you keep in your bra gaps? Written by Claire Tadokoro, and illustrated by Sarah Kempa.

#DemocratDesserts

Cherry Pieden, Butter Emails, Bundtigieg Cake, and more #DemocratDesserts on this week's joke game!

CARTOON: Lenting Venting

Lent Loopholes! Today's cartoon by Pat Byrnes.

Classic Dog Films, Starring Cats

HOMEWARD BOUND: The SEAVER FAMILY’s three cats, CHANCE, SHADOW and SASSY, are abandoned at a ranch by mistake. Faced with making an inspiring, cross-country journey back to their loving owners, the three cats immediately give up and decide to become the property of whoever will feed them first. The Seaver family never see their pets again.

We’re Updating Our Privacy Policy to Allow Us to Watch You in the Shower

Whew, this is a long email. I bet it’s worn you out! Time for a relaxing shower to get the kinks out of those knotted-up back muscles. Which reminds us—you might want to get that mole on your shoulder blade checked out, the edges are a little irregular. And hey, you don’t need to shave everything. 

Jimmy Buffet Song or How I’m Explaining the Divorce to My Kids from Inside the New Akron Margaritaville

1. A Pirate Looks at Forty 2. Pencil Thin Mustache 3. Changes…

CARTOON: Debatable

The job interview process is a pain. Today's cartoon by Bob Eckstein.

The Queen's New Titles for Harry and Meghan

Lord and Lady Quittersley, Mr. and Mrs. Filthy-Commoner, and more.

The Democratic Candidates Ate The Plums That Were In The Icebox 

Warren, “Yes, I ate every single plum. And yes, I knew that you wanted to eat them for lunch. But hey, I’m human, and probably the first woman to eat them. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but what if I told you that I’ve got a plan to replenish them? What if I told you that eating them was a part of my plan all along?” 

A Quick Word From Your Super Chill Non-Confrontational Roommate

Hey. So me and the donkey have been talking. And we want you to move out, since you don’t pay rent or anything. The donkey is gonna get my room, and I'm gonna sleep on the back porch. The donkey is also gonna get your room, since it needs an office. It works from home so it makes sense. 

Bachelor #244: There’s Trouble at the Mansion

It was incredible getting to know Cassie E’s family, as well as Cassie C’s and Cassidy’s. Although I didn’t get a blessing from any of the fathers, they definitely know how I feel about their daughters. Plus, I learned how to Skee-Ball!

Ask Dr. Kit- Special Valentine's Day Lovesick Edition

I woke up during one of our dates, naked and freezing in a bath-tub full of ice! I'm sure that you know this one... yep, my kidney had been removed and stolen! Even more upsetting, she managed to abscond with another of my organs.... my heart!

Nine Quagmires You Can Only Understand If You Are a Teenage Worker Working at Edible Arrangements the Week Prior to Valentine’s Day

6)  You instinctively dip your hand into the vat of hot milk chocolate to retrieve the AirPod and you burn your fingers.

CARTOON: The Winner

The results are finally in. Today's cartoon by Kim Warp.

CARTOON: Cupid's Prep Table

Love and romance prepper. Today's cartoon by David Ostow.

CARTOON: Love Bug

Love at first fright. Today's cartoon by Ali Solomon.

CARTOON: Noncommittal Candy Hearts

The excitement of meeting someone new...I guess...whatever who cares. Today's cartoon by Cerise Zelenetz.

A Guide to Your Chocolate Sampler Box

Cherry Cordial: Simple and sweet. Like the beginning of a relationship, before it’s clear that your partner is incapable of remembering your Wheaten terrier’s birthday. And more!

CARTOON: Stone Cold

Roger Stone's Prison Tattoo. Today's cartoon by Peter Kuper.

#StonerDatingApps

Dongs and Bongs, Weed harmony, Stumble, and more #StonerDatingApps on this week's trending joke game!

CARTOON: Stereotyping

Stereotyping is bad, mostly because of the hand cramps. Today's cartoon by Rich Sparks! Go pick up his new book, "LOVE and other weird things by Rich Sparks"

How Cheers Characters Would Be Voting in 2020

Sam Malone (bartender/owner): Elizabeth Warren, Robin Colcord (industrialist/Grey Poupon enthusiast): Tom Steyer, Lilith Sternin (psychiatrist/professional dom): Amy Klobuchar, and more!

Signs Your Co-Worker Might Be an Abiogenetic Hybrid of Laura Ingalls Wilder and A Can of Pringles 

She’s often tardy because her sister Carrie has fallen into an abandoned mine shaft.  She also has her own mascot, an oval-faced man with a big bushy mustache and a red bow tie she refers to as Julius. 

John Lennon’s Tweets Regarding Last Night’s Fallon Appearance

The cancellation of celebs knows no bounds.

The Latest Batch Of Rejected Ben & Jerry's Flavors

Dutch Oven-Baked Cookies, Another Fine Meth Crystal Crunch, Autoerotic As-TWIX-iation and more.

#StinkySitcoms

'Saved by the Smell', 'Funky Brewster', 'Welcome Back, Farter' and more #StinkySitcoms on this week's joke game!

CARTOON: Catbird Seat

Purrrfect. Today's cartoon by Bill Thomas.

CARTOON: Measured Excitement

Let's get deep. Today's cartoon by Phil Witte.

Who Do We Have to Kidnap to Convince You to Reactivate Your Pinterest Account?

Do the right thing and give a little back after we’ve given you so much. To start saving Pins again, click the reactivation link below and we’ll call off the windowless van that’s about to pull into your driveway.

CARTOON: Groundhog Day

It's just a hotdog. Relax. Today's cartoon by Michael Shaw.

A Toddler’s Etiquette Tips For Extricating Oneself From Boring Small Talk at a Party

Hand them a piece of clay that looks too much like poop and whisper, “I made this for you,” then disappear while they try to decipher it. 

Welcome to the Brand New Makerspace Surgery Center at Your Local Library

Welcome to the new Makerspace Surgery Center!  Not only are we here for the children kicked off Medicaid, but also for the rest of us that are so chronically underinsured that having a DIY surgery center seemed like the best option.  I would also like to take a moment to thank our sponsor, Joanne Fabrics. When you need quality surgical dressings, think of Joanne Fabrics!

Talkward w/ guest Brittany Brave

Today on Talkward is comedy person Brittany Brave! Brittany does stand-up, improv, produces shows all over NYC and has recently started Violently Funny, a podcast and live show that shines a light on domestic violence. We discuss her comedy, getting older, meeting Robert De Niro while having a mouthful of peanut M&Ms and terrible TV. Go see her show 1/31 at Caveat!

#SexyStateSlogans

'Hawaii: We're All Getting Lei'd!' 'California: Thongs and bongs.' 'Delaware came first', and more #SexyStateSlogans on this week's joke game!

We Regret to Inform You That Vantage Consulting Will No Longer Be Using Your Pigeons for Our Internal Memos

Over the past 30 years, we have taken great pride in being the only company that still uses pigeons for our office communication. As a company committed to the well-being of both our employees and customers, we have always felt that modern technology (electronic mail and plumbing) is tearing apart the very fabric of the family business.

Cards Against Sean Hannity

We can all agree that 'Cards Against Humanity' is a nifty game, right?  We got to thinking,  though, and  came to the conclusion that, since Sean Hannity isn’t technically an actual human, he should get his own version of the game.  Only seems fair, we figure. So we took real Hannity quotes to make...

Truly Terrible Make-A-Wish Foundation Requests

'Assisting Tommy Lee Jones in delivering a series of baby goats', 'Accompanying the cast of The Bachelor to the free clinic', and more!

#MoodyMenuItems

Hater Tots, Scream Beans, & Sweet, Sour, Bitter, Angry Lonely Chicken! It's #MoodyMenuItems on this week's joke game!

#ArcadeTheDecade

Space Force Invaders, Sonic the Hedgefund Manager, Amazon Primecraft and more #ArcadeTheDecade on our weekly joke game!

CARTOON: Festive Feeling

It's the little things. Today's cartoon by Ali Solomon.