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#BadSummerBooks

We're putting together a summer reading list so we can go on…

CARTOON: Sad Grad

Things You Say to a Dead Loved One OR Your Kid When They’re at Sleep Away Camp for the First Time

We miss you terribly. Are you making…

Margaritaville, Inc.’s Annual Report, By Jimmy Buffett

Mahalo shareholders, stakeholders and loyal Parrotheads. Margaritaville,…

Things I’ve Done On Ambien That Aren’t Racist

“Guys, I did something unforgivable so do not defend me. It…

Weekly Horoscopes for the Unemployed

Aries Life is like a rose, always blooming or not blooming,…

Quiz: Vape Flavor or Affectionate Nickname You Should Never Call Any Woman At Work By...

Crazy Chill Jungle Juice Crazy Hump Wild Cherry …

Talkward w/ guest Jonathan Zeller

This episode of Talkward welcomes comedy writer and performer…

Favorite Sites On The Dark Web

Mr. Skinned Knee, FOX NEWS and other popular sites on The Dark Web...

Trump Finally Saw Avengers: Infinity War

Looks like Trump finally saw Infinity War and he's got some tweets for his new most admirable and very best new friend Thanos.

10 Helpful Hints If You’re Lucky Enough To Land an Invite To Harry and Meghan’s Wedding

Don’t just leave your car keys with anyone in a fancy uniform. …

PIC QUIP: Trump's Anniversary Gift To Mueller

I’ll Have You Know, Riding My Scooter Makes Getting To Sex Appointments Much Faster

On your left! Please move out of my way, I’m the adult man riding the Razor scooter, and I really need to get to my next sex appointment ASAP!

CARTOON: Draw Straws

CARTOON: Last Dance

CARTOON: Island Fridays

The White House Party Planning Committee Brainstorms For Cinco de Mayo

TED: Okay, listen up hombres. The White House Cinco de Mayo party…

CARTOON: Great Moments In Porn Connect-The-Dots

Baseball Terms Explained for the Non-Baseball Fan By Someone Who Definitely Knows Baseball Very Well

AB - Player saw  “a bat” SB - Player “saw” a “bat” BK…

Why You’re Not Invited to Parties Anymore

That woman you brought to the last party kept biting the other…

CARTOON: Mime Club

CARTOON: Need Hookers?

Jokes My Sister Won’t Let Me Tell in a Toast at Her Wedding

It’s heartwarming to know that even in these tumultuous times,…

PIC QUIP: Paul Ryan

CARTOON: Heaven

Tony Robbins Presents: “Unleash the Not-So-Risky and Therefore More Employable Power Within” Workshop

Are you a woman with skills to share, but no one…

Frozen on Broadway Review: It’ll Run Forever Anyway So What’s the Point

Disney’s chillest musical opened on Broadway this Thursday…

10 Alternate Expressions to Use When “Cutting Onions” Seems Played Out

Ok, so you just read something that brought tears to your eyes,…

Wedding Rejection Emails

Listen to this article! Dear Mary, I regret to inform…

Talkward w/ guest Adam Mamawala

This episode of Talkward welcomes comic Adam Mamawala! His new…

CARTOON: Emergency

A Day In The Life Of Sean Hannity

Wake up, take morning piss (mostly blood). Make coffee while…

Department Of Defense Itemized Trump Property Charges

This week CNN reported Defense Department employees charged just…

The Best Jokes By Elon Musk’s Secret New Joke-Writing Robot About Elon Musk’s Secret New Joke-Writing Robot

This week, tech entrepreneur Elon Musk made news by hiring former…

Jobs Well-Suited For A Disillusioned Twenty-Something Office Worker

Headache Medicine Prescriber Arsonist Parachute Safety…

Talkward w/guest Andrew Collin

This episode of Talkward welcomes guest Andrew Collin! Andrew…

The Best Lyrics From Limp Bizkit’s New Apology Album

Limp Bizkit’s highly anticipated sixth studio album, Stampede…

Dentist Accidentally Extracts Man’s Face

BISMARCK, North Dakota – Len Wheaton went to the dentist expecting…

Welcome to Mobility University™, an AT&T® Institution!

Welcome, new faculty member!   AT&T® is a recognized…

Quiz: Tender Catcall Bestowed Upon Me or Michael Bolton Song?

1. How Can We Be Lovers 2. Are You Taken? 3. Murder My…

As An Olympic Curler I Resent Being Asked To Sweep Out The Garage

Honey, I feel like we’ve been over this a thousand times.   On…

An Open Letter from the Giant Teddy Bear You Received Last Valentine's Day

Dear Roxanne,   It’s me again. 337 days, Roxanne. It’s…

Highlights Of Trump's Planned Military Parade

The crowd will be the largest for a military parade. Ever. Anywhere.…

Thank You For Considering My Application To Be The Next Dalai Lama

Esteemed High Lamas and Lay Members of the Reincarnation Search…

CARTOON: Possessions

Scenes From Your Nihilistic Domestic Existence

First Steps   SPOUSE: Wait, did the baby just walk?   YOU:…

8 Eerie Similarities That Show How Close The Queen Of England And Lindsay Lohan Are To Being The Same Person

The Queen doesn’t need a passport to travel. Lindsay has had…

President Trump's Favorite Things About The Government Shutdown

You might think that Trump would be a bit concerned and unhappy…

Dry January Activities That Don’t Require Alcohol, Just An Unwavering Commitment To Fighting Corruption In The Figure Skating Community

It can be hard not to count the days until Dry January is over…

Top Selling Christian Rock Albums Since Trump’s Presidential Win

Turn The Orange Cheek Prayer Warriors Small Hands, Big…

Most Interesting Things Overheard During Trump's Physical

"Sorry for the five-hour wait, Mr. President." "That's OK, Doctor.…

Famous Ernest Hemingway Quotes Adjusted for the Age of Trump

"All you have to do is write one fake sentence. Write the fakest…

CARTOON: Alien Trashy TV

Trump’s Pay for Play Cabal

“The healthy man does not torture others - generally it is…

Hey ‘80s and ‘90s Kids, Do You Remember These Defunct Mall Stores?

Cool Kevin’s Single Earrings In the ‘80s there was nothing…

Most Returned Christmas Gifts: 2017 Edition

Rapist! Harvey Weinstein's cologne for men (30% infused rose-water,…

CARTOON: Why Stop At Candy Canes?

CARTOON: Territorial

The Dark Truth Behind Popular Christmas Songs, As Told By Supporting Characters

"Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer" As told by: Dasher Okay, let…

CARTOON: Jeopardy - Dirty Old Man Week

Wait... Look, squirrel! and 7 Other Signs You Have Adult ADD

1: Wait... Look, squirrel! 2: 3: 4: 5: 6: 7: 8:…

Death Row Cuisine: Make Your Last Meal Count!

That big day is finally here. The last appeals have been filed,…

A Conversation Between Two Butts Who Just Butt-Dialed Each Other

1: Hi. I think you butt dialed me. 2: No, I saw…

Welcome To Our Home – Instructions From Your Airbnb Hosts

Dear        Mr. Brody    , WELCOME!  We are delighted…

Chuck E. Cheese's Plans, Following The Break Up Of His Band The Pizza Time Players

Do some solo stuff, or maybe some hip-hop collaborations with…

Talkward w/ guest Bridget Fitzgerald

In this episode of Talkward, actress, comedian, and model…

If Adult Movie Dialogue Was Actually ‘Adult’

“Oh god, you’re harder than getting out of bed in the morning.” “I…

The War on Penis Terror: Angry Vagina and Her Dating App (Part 5)

~ DEAR VAGINA SOLDIER ~ Eager to earn your dignity as an honored…

8 Taylor Swift Lyrics That Are Also Grounds For a Restraining Order

Just have Taylor Swift add “Your Honor” to these lyrics in…

QUIZ: Medical Condition or Accounting Firm

1. Baker Newman Noves 2. Epstein Barr 3. Riley Day 4.…

First-Date Customer Satisfaction Survey

Congratulations! You’ve been selected to participate in a…

Top Five Signs That Your Pet Goldfish Is a Stockbroker from the 80's

It’s your worst nightmare, you come home late one night to…

The Adventures of Angry Vagina and Her Dating App

Let me tell you a tale of a close friend of mine named Angry…

CARTOON: Jerk God

An Open Letter to Chad, the Bag Boy

Look Chad, we need to talk about your performance. But if you’ll…

CARTOON: Therapy Fish

FOTO BOMB: Trump @ CES

Trump is at it again doing his White House training at CES…

Jack Sprat Could Eat No Fat

Jack Sprat could eat no fat. He had high cholesterol, and his…

9 Great Urinal Conversation Topics

1. Cold out/hot out/regular temperature out. 2. These…

CARTOON: A Recent Poll

My TripAdvisor

“Had Reservations Before We Made Reservations” ★★☆☆☆ Reviewed…

CARTOON: Mormons In Heaven

Black Friday Lives Matter

A Eulogy For a Family Member Trampled and Killed During Black…

Rosy-Cheeked Residents of the Bizarro Earth Are Thankful For...

President-Elect Michelle Obama not only soundly defeating Donald…

Alliterative Day-of-the-Week Themes to Boost Morale at Your Startup

  Mole Mondays Nope, not the cute little furry critter!…

CARTOON: Texas Green Energy

Subject: Fear Not, Gun Lovers!

********* (The highest ranking members of the GLC [Gun Lovers…

Answer Sheet For The Exam Of Kanye’s God-Level Sommelier

Any deviation from these exact answers during the blind tasting…

The Endings Of Those Novels You Were Supposed To Read Over The Summer

A new school year is fast approaching, and I'm willing to bet…

Least Coveted Raffle Prizes

Cursed monkey hand Do-It-Yourself Human Centipede Kit $25 gift…

Classic Romantic Comedies If They Were Set In Present Day

1. When Harry Met Sally   Instead of it taking Harry…

CARTOON: Shingles Bar

CARTOON: Cheese