Posts
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Scenes From Your Nihilistic Domestic Existence
First Steps
SPOUSE: Wait, did the baby just walk?
YOU:…
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8 Eerie Similarities That Show How Close The Queen Of England And Lindsay Lohan Are To Being The Same Person
The Queen doesn’t need a passport to travel.
Lindsay has had…
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President Trump's Favorite Things About The Government Shutdown
You might think that Trump would be a bit concerned and unhappy…
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Dry January Activities That Don’t Require Alcohol, Just An Unwavering Commitment To Fighting Corruption In The Figure Skating Community
It can be hard not to count the days until Dry January is over…
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Top Selling Christian Rock Albums Since Trump’s Presidential Win
Turn The Orange Cheek
Prayer Warriors
Small Hands, Big…
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Most Interesting Things Overheard During Trump's Physical
"Sorry for the five-hour wait, Mr. President." "That's OK, Doctor.…
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Famous Ernest Hemingway Quotes Adjusted for the Age of Trump
"All you have to do is write one fake sentence. Write the fakest…
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Trump’s Pay for Play Cabal
“The healthy man does not torture others - generally it is…
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Hey ‘80s and ‘90s Kids, Do You Remember These Defunct Mall Stores?
Cool Kevin’s Single Earrings
In the ‘80s there was nothing…
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Most Returned Christmas Gifts: 2017 Edition
Rapist!
Harvey Weinstein's cologne for men (30% infused rose-water,…
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The Dark Truth Behind Popular Christmas Songs, As Told By Supporting Characters
"Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer"
As told by: Dasher
Okay, let…
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Wait... Look, squirrel! and 7 Other Signs You Have Adult ADD
1: Wait... Look, squirrel!
2:
3:
4:
5:
6:
7:
8:…
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Death Row Cuisine: Make Your Last Meal Count!
That big day is finally here. The last appeals have been filed,…
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A Conversation Between Two Butts Who Just Butt-Dialed Each Other
1: Hi. I think you butt dialed me.
2: No, I saw…
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Welcome To Our Home – Instructions From Your Airbnb Hosts
Dear Mr. Brody ,
WELCOME! We are delighted…
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Chuck E. Cheese's Plans, Following The Break Up Of His Band The Pizza Time Players
Do some solo stuff, or maybe some hip-hop collaborations with…
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Talkward w/ guest Bridget Fitzgerald
In this episode of Talkward, actress, comedian, and model…
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If Adult Movie Dialogue Was Actually ‘Adult’
“Oh god, you’re harder than getting out of bed in the morning.”
“I…
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The War on Penis Terror: Angry Vagina and Her Dating App (Part 5)
~ DEAR VAGINA SOLDIER ~
Eager to earn your dignity as an honored…
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8 Taylor Swift Lyrics That Are Also Grounds For a Restraining Order
Just have Taylor Swift add “Your Honor” to these lyrics in…
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QUIZ: Medical Condition or Accounting Firm
1. Baker Newman Noves
2. Epstein Barr
3. Riley Day
4.…
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First-Date Customer Satisfaction Survey
Congratulations! You’ve been selected to participate in a…
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Top Five Signs That Your Pet Goldfish Is a Stockbroker from the 80's
It’s your worst nightmare, you come home late one night to…
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The Adventures of Angry Vagina and Her Dating App
Let me tell you a tale of a close friend of mine named Angry…
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An Open Letter to Chad, the Bag Boy
Look Chad, we need to talk about your performance. But if you’ll…
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FOTO BOMB: Trump @ CES
Trump is at it again doing his White House training at CES…
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Jack Sprat Could Eat No Fat
Jack Sprat could eat no fat. He had high cholesterol, and his…
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9 Great Urinal Conversation Topics
1. Cold out/hot out/regular temperature out.
2. These…
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My TripAdvisor
“Had Reservations Before We Made Reservations”
★★☆☆☆
Reviewed…
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Black Friday Lives Matter
A Eulogy For a Family Member Trampled and Killed During Black…
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Rosy-Cheeked Residents of the Bizarro Earth Are Thankful For...
President-Elect Michelle Obama not only soundly defeating Donald…
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Alliterative Day-of-the-Week Themes to Boost Morale at Your Startup
Mole Mondays
Nope, not the cute little furry critter!…
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Subject: Fear Not, Gun Lovers!
********* (The highest ranking members of the GLC [Gun Lovers…
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Answer Sheet For The Exam Of Kanye’s God-Level Sommelier
Any deviation from these exact answers during the blind tasting…
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The Endings Of Those Novels You Were Supposed To Read Over The Summer
A new school year is fast approaching, and I'm willing to bet…
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Least Coveted Raffle Prizes
Cursed monkey hand
Do-It-Yourself Human Centipede Kit
$25 gift…
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Classic Romantic Comedies If They Were Set In Present Day
1. When Harry Met Sally
Instead of it taking Harry…
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