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36 More Questions To Fall in Love With Anyone

“In Mandy Len Catron’s Modern Love essay, “ To Fall in…

Rudy G's "Makin' Life A Breeze"- Rudy Giuliani's Guide To Living Your Best Life!

Don't Sweat The Small Stuff Life can be crazy sometimes. And…

Affairs of the State: Love Notes To and From Russia With and Without Love

August 10, 2015 Dear Donald, You like strong leaders. I am…

The White House Party Planning Committee Brainstorms For Cinco de Mayo

TED: Okay, listen up hombres. The White House Cinco de Mayo party…

Potential Headliners for Next Year’s White House Correspondents Dinner

Gallagher 2 Mike Huckabee Jeff Dunham’s Terrorist…

CARTOON: Trump Tree Chopped

Sean Hannity's Other Secret Advisers

It turns out Michael Cohen isn't the only associate of President…

IGotThatPeePeeTape and 9 Other User Names To Get US Visas From Trump Administration

With the US requiring would-be immigrants to turn over social…

No, Your Honor, I Did Not Build A Fire Pit to Burn Documents Relevant to My Criminal Investigation

Your Honor, if it pleases the court, I would like to make a statement…

CARTOON: Need Hookers?

CARTOON: Our Blockbuster Tell-All Book

Unexpected Twists During ABC's James Comey Interview

Comey was using the interview mostly as a platform to give away…

CARTOON: Trump Toilet

Mr. Assad, We Find This One Specific Type Of Murder Unacceptable

Dear Mr. Assad, We, the collected powers of France, the…

Paul Ryan's Reasons For Leaving Congress

Now that Trump has made American so damn great again, there's…

Least Surprising Items Found In The FBI's Raid Of Michael Cohen

Pages and pages of printed Melrose Place fan message board transcripts. Doubles…

PIC QUIP: Paul Ryan

Get Your Tickets Now: Special Promotions For The 2018 Baseball Season

April 16, Phillies @ Braves—Bark at the Park Night, plus a…

Other Trumped Versions Of Headlines That Criticize His Actions

After seeing this POLITICO article: Trump tries his hand at…

Trump's Search For The Perfect Lawyer

After sending out a series of blistering pre-dawn tweets, watching Fox…

Overheard at the White House Easter Egg Roll

Egg roll? I thought we don’t allow Chinese people in the White…

Play Ball!: People Trump Would Like to Throw Out Instead of Traditional First Pitch

Carmen San Diego Mueller Random Cabinet Member Mueller Overrated…

Paul Manafort’s 7 Keys to a More Deliberate Life

Welcome, everyone, and congratulations, because just by being…

Updated Checklist for Future Screening of Potentially Dangerous Presidential Candidates

Party Chairpersons: While assessing your potential candidate,…

New Details Following The Stormy Daniels 60 Minutes Interview...

Members of Trump's organization threatened Stormy following the…

The White House's Nine-Point Plan to Make America's Schools Safe Again

1. Replace PE, music, and art with paramilitary and situational…

Other ALL CAPS Advisor Notes For Trump

In regards to Putin's reelection win,  Trump's advisors had…

Statement From The Press Secretary On The Man Who Terrorized Austin Not Being A Terrorist

Phew. For a second there, we thought the bomber who murdered…

Do Not Push the Red Button

Adviser 1: President Trump, there is a big, red button…

CARTOON: Stormy Lie Detector

Vladimir Putin's Top Campaign Promises

Vladimir Putin won re-election as Russian President  and immediately…

Department Of Defense Itemized Trump Property Charges

This week CNN reported Defense Department employees charged just…

Rejected Headlines For Rex Tillerson Firing After Someone Thought Of 'REXIT'

Tilt-R-Son?! Rex, Eat Your Salad. Former Gas Salesman Gaslit…

The Real Reasons That Stormy Daniels Is Suing Trump

Trauma incurred by having accidentally glimpsing his scabby,…

Flu Watch 2018: Symptoms We’re Already Dead

Reports are in, and the toxicity of this year’s flu strains,…

One Weird Day in the Trump White House

Author’s Note: As your intrepid White House correspondent…

Things Oprah Might Think Are A Sign From God That She Should Run For President

1. She walks into her dressing room, and a burning bush that…

Hope Hicks Updated LinkedIn Profile

Hope Hicks Former White House Communications Director, current…

If Trump Had Run Into The Florida School Shooting

President Donald J. Trump said this week that if he had been…

Corporate Sponsors Who Have Turned Their Back On The NRA, Surprising Everyone With The Fact That They Were NRA Sponsors In The First Place!

You've heard of rats deserting a sinking ship, right?   Well,…

The GOP's Guide To Fun Ways Of Blowing Off Steam After CPAC

Being a soulless, Conservative windbag isn't as easy or fun as…

The Course of True Love Never Did Run Smooth, and Other Entries from the Diary of Stephen Miller

January 29, 2018 Talk about a banner day for Stephen…

Other Bits Of Dirt Unearthed By The Mueller Investigation

President Trump is a regular user of Tinkler, the Tinder…

Tricky Dick Tutors Trump on Treachery

Here's to the State of Richard Nixon For underneath his borders…

Daily Itinerary Of Hope Hicks

6 am - 11:18 am:  Busy work until the president arrives at the…

Highlights Of Trump's Planned Military Parade

The crowd will be the largest for a military parade. Ever. Anywhere.…

Don Jr. Presents: Wonders of the Animal Kingdom

The Monkey   Our first animal today, children, is the…

Biggest State of the Union Surprises

When Melania’s code malfunctions and she receives a phone call…

Stormy Daniels' Non-Disclosure Agreement

NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT This Non-disclosure Agreement by and…

PIC QUIP: Stormy Daniels

Best Names For A Trump White House Garage Band

Stable Genius and the Unindicted Co-Conspirators Obama…

President Trump's Favorite Things About The Government Shutdown

You might think that Trump would be a bit concerned and unhappy…

Trump’s First State of the Union

“I don’t really like cheeseburgers. It’s fake news. I’m losing weight and am down to 175 pounds, clearly you can see that.”

Newt Gingrich and Bill Clinton “Government Shutdowners Of Today Are Sissies”

Former President Bill Clinton and House Speaker Newt Gingrich…

What These 5 Jesus Quotes Would Look Like If We Changed “Shithole” to “Shithouse”

“Who invited us to this shithouse?” -         …

Bucket List for When You Think You Have 38 Minutes to Live Before a Ballistic Missile Strikes

Try to pull a tablecloth from underneath a set of dishes. Take…

A Revised Nightly Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray Bob Mueller my country to…

Top Selling Christian Rock Albums Since Trump’s Presidential Win

Turn The Orange Cheek Prayer Warriors Small Hands, Big…

Most Interesting Things Overheard During Trump's Physical

"Sorry for the five-hour wait, Mr. President." "That's OK, Doctor.…

CARTOON: Trump's Physical

Trump Explains Why Countries Made His Shithole List

Albania "Voted against my homey Roy Moore." New Zealand  "Not…

CARTOON: Alien Trashy TV

CARTOON: Oprah 2020

More Surprising Revelations From Michael Wolff's Fire And Fury

Cover charge to get into the White House is waived if you arrive…

Trump’s Pay for Play Cabal

“The healthy man does not torture others - generally it is…

Baby New Year's Roast Of Father Time, 2017

Woo!   Hey everybody, how's it going?    I have to say... …

PIC QUIP: Roy Moore

Other New Structures, Places And Things Named After Trump, Currently Under Construction

Just in time to swoop in and save his frail, trembling ego, Israel…

Most Returned Christmas Gifts: 2017 Edition

Rapist! Harvey Weinstein's cologne for men (30% infused rose-water,…

The GOP's Holiday Caroling Set List

Rudolph The Ineligible, Pre-Existing Condition Having Reindeer Baby,…

He’s Got Really Small Hands After All and 8 Other New Disney World Rides Added in Honor of Trump’s New Wax Figure in Hall of Presidents

Jared Kushner’s Slum Lords of The Caribbean  He’s…

How the Trumps Botch Christmas

“It's Christmas at ground zero,
Now the missiles are on their…

CARTOON: Give the Gift of Political Music

LEAKED! Roy Moore's Eventual Concession Speech

Alright pilgrims, looks like it’s come to this: defeated by…

CARTOON: Jeopardy - Dirty Old Man Week

CARTOON: Jackasses-In-A-Box

News from the Even-Handed Gazette

(The ‘unbiased’ coverage our leaders have clamored…

Why Trump wants to move the U.S. Embassy to Jerusalem

Frees up prime real estate in Tel Aviv for developing Trump Kasino…

The Trump-Lincoln Ford’s Theater Luxury Casino

“They call you Lady Luck, But there is room for doubt, At…

NOTICE: Curriculum Update to Reflect Current Industry Standards: Department of Journalism & Creative Media, University of Alabama

To the Class of 2021,   Welcome to the Department…

New Turkey Stuffings To Keep Thanksgiving Interesting

A slightly larger turkey Creamed corn Avocado…

Implications of Twitter Giving Everyone 280 Characters

Forces Trump to wake up twice as early to maintain current tweetstorm…

Trump's Super Grand Asian Trip Itinerary

Nov 5: Spend half an hour explaining to the Asian press that…

The Very Basic Facts Contained In The FBI's Released JFK Assassination Documents

The FBI recently released all documents related to the 1963 assassination…

PIC QUIP: Trump's Art Collection

Chicago art museum says Renoir in Trump's NYC apartment is fake.…

CARTOON: Jackass O' Lanterns

Terrifying Halloween Costumes Based On Our New Normal

Fine Person Comes with shaved-head skull cap…

President Trump Makes Calls To Other Tragedy Victims Throughout History

"So, yeah...  sad, very sad.    It's a shame that he wasn't working…

CARTOON: Fake Friends

Trump Speech-O-Matic

Many people wonder why the things President Trump says seem so…

Trump IQ Test

President Donald Trump has challenged Secretary of State Rex…

Lost Pages From the Steele Dossier

Note: This piece has been adapted from a recently completed…

CARTOON: Trump vs NFL

Ways That Trump Could Be Even More Horribly Offensive To Puerto Rico

Visit the island and do a rain dance. Ensure that paper…

16 Quotes That Show Donald Trump Could Be Your Drunk Uncle

Proof that if you add 'Am I right, Sonny Boy?' to a Donald Trump…

Fear and Loathing in the White House Movie Theater

“I've built walls A fortress deep and mighty That none may…

List for the White House Handyman

We were able to obtain a copy of the list of requests and fixes…

Sean Spicer: Hollywood Wunderkind

“You can do this. We’ve all taken jobs we aren’t proud…

CARTOON: Global Warming

Nihilistic Airport Announcements

Flight 666 to Death Valley will now be departing from Gate…

Back Cover Blurbs for Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir, “What Happened”

“Let Fake News Media like AmazonWashingtonPost and FailingNewYorkTimes…

John Tyler's White House Letter To James Knox Polk

Since the election, Americans have been asking what it means…

PIC QUIP: Trump Tax Returns

Steve Bannon’s Netflix Queue -or- How Steven Bannon Will Spend the Next Few Weeks While Nursing a Wounded But Bloated Ego, Fomenting Hatred in his Heart, and Drinking Gallons of Cheap Gin from a Discarded Aunt Jemima Bottle and a Sterilized Nipple

Birth of a Nation (the 1916 version, not leftist 2016 film…

A Drug Infested Den' And Other Trump Inspired New New Hampshire State Mottos

President Trump called New Hampshire 'A Drug Infested Den.' Look…

Dear News-Detox Journal

Day 1. Here I am at the Bob Ross Artist…

White House Answering Machine

As you might imagine, the White House has been receiving thousands…

Donald Trump's Take On Classic Fairy Tales

Sure, ordering the murder of Snow White was evil, but nobody…

Our Desperate Writing Submission for Breitbart

Hello! We are writers who have not had success being hired by…

Trump Fantasy Football League

Current and former members of President Trump's inner circle…

There Are Many Sides to Blame For My Getting Dumped By Justin

I'd like to share, in the strongest possible way, the horrible…

How To Tell If You Watched The Eclipse Wrong

Your eyebrows fell into your mouth while you were screaming. Your…

CARTOON: Slippery Slope

Titles Of Political Satire Pieces I Started This Week And Got Too Depressed To Finish

As I scratch my mosquito bites from last night and watch…

Half A Dozen Other Nice Things That President Trump Has To Say About Hate-Mongering White Supremacists

"Wonderful... beautiful, even... penmanship on some of those…

ALT-Right Film Festival

Tiki Torch Song Trilogies The Kids Are Alt Right Do…

PIC QUIP: 'Fire and Fury' Survival Tip #2

The Death Of America Takes A Holiday: Trump's Vacation Journal

Day 1 "Journal... may I call you Journal? Today was sort of…

PIC QUIP: 'Fire and Fury' Survival Tip #1

HGTV Presents: Trump's White House Flippers

Trump speaks from behind his desk in the Oval Office: "Listen,…

Scaramucci's Ten Day's Worth Of Accomplishments

Booked a spot on Celebrity Big Brother Straightened the…

Other Cringe-Worthy Lines From Trump's Speech To The Boy Scouts

What is it you boys do?   You tie knots and so on, and get…

FOTO BOMB: Ivanka's New Clothing Line

Revised Storm Names for 2017 Atlantic Hurricane Season

After receiving an executive order, the National Hurricane Center,…

Tripping Balls with the Founding Fathers

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Many observers of President Donald J. Trump…

French Kiss 2: Justin Trudeau and Emmanuel Macron Lost in Italy

After the inaugural meeting for the G7 Summit, young and lithe…

Trump Delivers Commencement Speech To Liberal Arts College

Hello. Welcome. Can you believe I’m here? Not just as president,…

Contents of Comey’s Other Memos

A memo in which former FBI Director James Comey details an interaction…

Other Super Secret Info Leaked To Russia By Trump

The White House Wifi password is password. The place underneath…

History’s Great Writers Describe Sean Spicer in the Bushes

Shakespeare   The rogue fled from me like quicksilver,…

A Comprehensive Advisory System Based On Sean Spicer’s Standing Patterns As Devised By Homeland Security

Feet straight ahead, eyes forward, hands not on podium: A…

James Comey’s Medications for the Recently Unemployed or Politically Compromised

Are you stressed? Worn out? Beaten down? Have recent events --…

Some Pre-Existing Conditions The GOP Will Accept

Slimy skin Tightass Sunburn from an “All Lives…

Whoops! Trump Was Caught Trying To Make Sense Of The Bill Of Rights

“…either elect more Republican Senators in 2018 or change…

Trump's Plans for a Canadian Border Wall

The Moat We’re going to build a great moat, a great moat,…

Wikileaks Releases Cease and Desist Order From EPA to Mother Nature

From the office of Pruitt, Scott Administrator, Environmental…

Sean Spicer’s Dinner Speech While Celebrating Cinco de Mayo with Coworkers at Chili’s

Thank you all for coming. Everyone here is…here.…

Big Boy Donny’s Birthday Party

“I want a ball, I want a party Pink…

Controversial Lines from the White House Correspondents' Dinner 1840-1950

The White House Correspondents’ Dinner (WHCD) has a history…

Trump's First 100 Days

The biggest accomplishments by the Trump Administration during…

Daily Gaffermations with Sean Spicer

(Sean Spicer looks into the mirror as he begins to speak. Unable…

Bill O'Reilly's Unused Final Monologue

So apparently the brass here at fucking Fox FUCKING News says…

Mar-A-Lago Menu (In the Event of Your Eventual Food Poisoning)

“Mr. Trump’s” Braised White Toast* $50.00 Chilled…

11 Amazing Last Minute Tax Hacks

7) Health-insurance premiums are tax-deductible, and if you simply go without health insurance you can save years of income taxes by dying prematurely.