Trump Explains Why Countries Made His Shithole List

Albania "Voted against my homey Roy Moore." New Zealand  "Not…

More Surprising Revelations From Michael Wolff's Fire And Fury

Cover charge to get into the White House is waived if you arrive…

Trump’s Pay for Play Cabal

“The healthy man does not torture others - generally it is…

Baby New Year's Roast Of Father Time, 2017

Woo!   Hey everybody, how's it going?    I have to say... …

Other New Structures, Places And Things Named After Trump, Currently Under Construction

Just in time to swoop in and save his frail, trembling ego, Israel…

Red Flags That Your American Facebook Group is Probably Run by a Russian Bot

The phrases in the posts and comments aren’t quite right: You…

The GOP's Holiday Caroling Set List

Rudolph The Ineligible, Pre-Existing Condition Having Reindeer Baby,…

He’s Got Really Small Hands After All and 8 Other New Disney World Rides Added in Honor of Trump’s New Wax Figure in Hall of Presidents

Jared Kushner’s Slum Lords of The Caribbean  He’s…

How the Trumps Botch Christmas

“It's Christmas at ground zero,
Now the missiles are on their…

Creepy Guy With ‘Free Breast Exam’ T-Shirt Now Most Viable Women’s Health Option In Louisiana

The Louisiana Department of Health has released an official…

LEAKED! Roy Moore's Eventual Concession Speech

Alright pilgrims, looks like it’s come to this: defeated by…

The Trump-Lincoln Ford’s Theater Luxury Casino

“They call you Lady Luck, But there is room for doubt, At…

Trump's Super Grand Asian Trip Itinerary

Nov 5: Spend half an hour explaining to the Asian press that…

The Very Basic Facts Contained In The FBI's Released JFK Assassination Documents

The FBI recently released all documents related to the 1963 assassination…

Terrifying Halloween Costumes Based On Our New Normal

Fine Person Comes with shaved-head skull cap…

Trump Speech-O-Matic

Many people wonder why the things President Trump says seem so…

Trump IQ Test

President Donald Trump has challenged Secretary of State Rex…

Lost Pages From the Steele Dossier

Note: This piece has been adapted from a recently completed…

Ways That Trump Could Be Even More Horribly Offensive To Puerto Rico

Visit the island and do a rain dance. Ensure that paper…

List for the White House Handyman

We were able to obtain a copy of the list of requests and fixes…

Sean Spicer: Hollywood Wunderkind

“You can do this. We’ve all taken jobs we aren’t proud…

Nihilistic Airport Announcements

Flight 666 to Death Valley will now be departing from Gate…

Back Cover Blurbs for Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir, “What Happened”

“Let Fake News Media like AmazonWashingtonPost and FailingNewYorkTimes…

John Tyler's White House Letter To James Knox Polk

Since the election, Americans have been asking what it means…

The InfoWars Hurricane Survival Guide

When a gust of wind blows down your doors, stick out your head,…

PIC QUIP: Trump Tax Returns

5 Things to Prepare for Once You’ve Released the Fallen Angel from Mike Pence's Urn

Oh dear. Now, you’ve done it. Despite countless,…

Steve Bannon’s Netflix Queue -or- How Steven Bannon Will Spend the Next Few Weeks While Nursing a Wounded But Bloated Ego, Fomenting Hatred in his Heart, and Drinking Gallons of Cheap Gin from a Discarded Aunt Jemima Bottle and a Sterilized Nipple

Birth of a Nation (the 1916 version, not leftist 2016 film…

A Drug Infested Den' And Other Trump Inspired New New Hampshire State Mottos

President Trump called New Hampshire 'A Drug Infested Den.' Look…

White House Answering Machine

As you might imagine, the White House has been receiving thousands…

Donald Trump's Take On Classic Fairy Tales

Sure, ordering the murder of Snow White was evil, but nobody…

Our Desperate Writing Submission for Breitbart

Hello! We are writers who have not had success being hired by…

Trump Fantasy Football League

Current and former members of President Trump's inner circle…

Titles Of Political Satire Pieces I Started This Week And Got Too Depressed To Finish

As I scratch my mosquito bites from last night and watch…

Half A Dozen Other Nice Things That President Trump Has To Say About Hate-Mongering White Supremacists

"Wonderful... beautiful, even... penmanship on some of those…

PIC QUIP: 'Fire and Fury' Survival Tip #2

The Death Of America Takes A Holiday: Trump's Vacation Journal

Day 1 "Journal... may I call you Journal? Today was sort of…

HGTV Presents: Trump's White House Flippers

Trump speaks from behind his desk in the Oval Office: "Listen,…

Scaramucci's Ten Day's Worth Of Accomplishments

Booked a spot on Celebrity Big Brother Straightened the…

Other Cringe-Worthy Lines From Trump's Speech To The Boy Scouts

What is it you boys do?   You tie knots and so on, and get…

FOTO BOMB: Ivanka's New Clothing Line

Revised Storm Names for 2017 Atlantic Hurricane Season

After receiving an executive order, the National Hurricane Center,…

Bodyslam Your Way To Greatness: The Gianforte Way

Hello, my fellow God-fearing Americans. My name is Greg Gianforte.…

French Kiss 2: Justin Trudeau and Emmanuel Macron Lost in Italy

After the inaugural meeting for the G7 Summit, young and lithe…

Trump Delivers Commencement Speech To Liberal Arts College

Hello. Welcome. Can you believe I’m here? Not just as president,…

11 Special Counsels Trump Preferred Over Robert Mueller for Trump/Russia Investigation

Jared Kushner Scooby Doo Jared Kushner Matlock Jared…

Contents of Comey’s Other Memos

A memo in which former FBI Director James Comey details an interaction…

Other Super Secret Info Leaked To Russia By Trump

The White House Wifi password is password. The place underneath…

History’s Great Writers Describe Sean Spicer in the Bushes

Shakespeare   The rogue fled from me like quicksilver,…

A Comprehensive Advisory System Based On Sean Spicer’s Standing Patterns As Devised By Homeland Security

Feet straight ahead, eyes forward, hands not on podium: A…

James Comey’s Medications for the Recently Unemployed or Politically Compromised

Are you stressed? Worn out? Beaten down? Have recent events --…

Basic French for People That Want to Move There Now

Guys, France is safe from far-right nationalism!  This makes…

Some Pre-Existing Conditions The GOP Will Accept

Slimy skin Tightass Sunburn from an “All Lives…

Whoops! Trump Was Caught Trying To Make Sense Of The Bill Of Rights

“…either elect more Republican Senators in 2018 or change…

Trump's Plans for a Canadian Border Wall

The Moat We’re going to build a great moat, a great moat,…

Sean Spicer’s Dinner Speech While Celebrating Cinco de Mayo with Coworkers at Chili’s

Thank you all for coming. Everyone here is…here.…

Controversial Lines from the White House Correspondents' Dinner 1840-1950

The White House Correspondents’ Dinner (WHCD) has a history…

Trump's First 100 Days

The biggest accomplishments by the Trump Administration during…

Daily Gaffermations with Sean Spicer

(Sean Spicer looks into the mirror as he begins to speak. Unable…

Bill O'Reilly's Unused Final Monologue

So apparently the brass here at fucking Fox FUCKING News says…

Mar-A-Lago Menu (In the Event of Your Eventual Food Poisoning)

“Mr. Trump’s” Braised White Toast* $50.00 Chilled…

Fareed Zakaria Declares the Moments Others Truly “Became the President”

“I think Donald Trump became president of the United States.…

A Note From the Witch Who Stole Sean Spicer’s Cool

First of all, I feel compelled to preface this all by saying…

Recent Cases of iPhone Damage in the Current Political Environment

Repair Ticket #2948528 Phone smashed against wall after aunt…

A Pilot Welcomes Passengers To Trump's America

*crackles over sound system* Hi, uhhhhhh, welcome aboard…

President Trump Welcomes the First Pet

“Black crows in the meadow Across a broad highway Though…

It's Time to Meet the 2017 RNC Babies!

What do you get when you mix $7 Bud Lights with 50,000 pro-life…

Most Hilarious White House Pranks!

President Gerald Ford, a master tightrope artist who performed…

Brexit Up Is Hard To Do

The Five Stages of Grief Following a Bad Break-Up / Planned Withdrawal 1)…

Other People Mike Pence Won't Dine With

Pence's wife has announced that Mike Pence never dines with women…

Kid-Lit of the Revolution

"...it turns out, Kim Jong Il —along with dad Kim Il Sung —…

Paul Ryan's Other Teenage Dreams

“So Medicaid, sending it back to the states, capping its growth…

A Timeline of the Development of the Modern Democracy

  1294 B.C.E. – Egyptian scribes break the first-ever…

Missing Excerpts From JFK's Diary

JFK's handwritten diary is going up for auction, and after years,…

Trump MasterClass

 

Welcome to The Wire-Tap! The DC Area's Premiere Beer Garden.

Menu Bar Snacks Sleeping With The Ene~meatballs If we're…

Mike Pence Returns to The Crossroads

“I went to the crossroads, fell down on my knees, Asked the…

Animatronic Donald Trump's Executive Orders From Disney's Hall of Presidents

Inside Disney’s Hall of Presidents attraction, 44 animatronic…

Trump Administration Revised Terror Watch List

Nordstrom Australia Meryl Streep Cast…

5 Ways to Spice up Your Relationship with Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak

Every serious relationship goes through dry spells. It’s…

Overheard at Trump/Cruz Dinner

President Donald Trump and Texas Senator Ted Cruz officially…

Happy International Women's Day From President Trump

WebMD: Repeal And Replace

I’ll Die Without Insurance Disorder What is I’ll Die…

Trump's 4:30 AM Conspiracy Tweets

…

Obama Wire Tapping

What President Obama overheard while tapping Donald Trump's phone…

Sessions Lessons

YOU can be as great of a liar as Jeff Sessions!!   It's true!!   …

Kellyanne Conway's Guide To White House Etiquette

When squatting on the Oval Office couch as if it were a piece…

Trumped Oscar Films

The American Academy of Arts & Sciences announced during…

How To Tell If You're Allowed In The White House Press Briefing Room

Your paper has plenty of gratis full-page ads for Ivanka's sassy…

Goodbye to the Cancer Moonshot

“Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses.” ~…

Other Surefire Ways to Get Kicked Out of CPAC

  Organizers for the Conservative Political Action Conference…

Leaked Drafts of Donald Trump's Remarks About Some Upcoming Holidays

Susan B. Anthony Day Today we honor Susan Anthony. Lots to…

What Happened 'Last Night In Sweden'

Here's what President Trump was talking about when he mentioned…

The President Trump Coffee Table Book — Get It Today!

The valor. The prestige. The endless parade of tanks and missile…

A Few More Statements About Black History Month from President Trump

Black Cats A lot of great cats out there, folks. White cats,…

Joint Press Conference: Trump and Netanyahu

"We take you live to the White House where President Trump is…

White House Valentine's Day Cards

        …

Mike Flynn Phone Calls

The Trump Administration has more phone call problems. (Now…

Trump News Conference

"We take you live to the White House where President Trump is…

Trump/Putin Rom-Coms

Four Elections and An Impeachment Donald is a brash but sensitive…

Bobby Fink: Kid Detective - The Case of Trump's Missing Terror Attacks

It was the start of February when she walked back into my life.…

FOTO BOMB: Unretouched Steve Bannon Time Cover

Rudy Giuliani’s Cyber Security Tips

As Donald Trump’s administration continues to take shape, Rudy…

Hearing To Determine Grizzly Bear’s Eligibility In Schools

SENATOR BERNIE SALAMANDER: (D-VA): The watering hole will come…

Putin's Diary

Dearest Diary, Sometimes I believe you are my only friend.…

Other Things That The Kremlin Would Like An Apology For

President Trump's interview with Bill O'Reilly on Fox News really…

Trump's New Rules

Meanwhile, in Donald Trump’s White House… Meeting in…

Sean Spicer and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Period.

I went to bed chewing thirty-five pieces of gum, and before…

Bowling Green Massacre and Our All-Time Favorite Kellyanne Conway Lies

So now Kellyanne Conway is referring to a "Bowling Green Massacre",…

President Seeking Agreeable White House Staffer

Thank you for coming in today. As you surely know, these White…

Trump's National Prayer Breakfast Offering

Hey, are you there God? It's me, Donald. To tell you the truth,…

Trump Calls to World Leaders

President Donald J. Trump reportedly became angry during a telephone…

Oprah Winfrey is joining 60 Minutes

Oprah Winfrey is joining 60 Minutes as a Special Correspondent.…

Other Trump Executive Orders You Might Have Missed

New trade agreement discussions with Chile ("Mostly because I…

How The Obamas Spent Their Vacation In The British Virgin Islands

When the Obamas departed from the White House on January 20th,…

News From the White House Got You Down? Try Presidex!

Do you ever find yourself staying up through the wee hours of…

Extreme Vetting

"We take you live to New York City's John F. Kennedy International…

Alternate ways of paying for the wall

Now that Mexico has refused to pay for the wall that the Trump…

FOTO BOMB: Trump Bros. Avocados

White House Confidential: Overheard During Trump’s First Week In Office

Anyone got a thesaurus? I’m running out of synonyms for the…

Trump's Other Changes To The White House Website

Trump wasn't in office for even a day when he made several notable…

Alternatives to Alternative Facts

The truth seems to be a fickle thing in the new White House,…

Phone Messages Left on My Senator’s Voicemail

[BEEP!] Hey, there! It’s Andy. I was just calling to check…

President Trump's First News Conference

"We take you to Washington D.C. where President Trump is about…

Grizzly Bears I Would Have Totally Shot at School

Conor, 5th Grade (Spelling Class) Conor was pretty much the…

Women's March on Washington Pick-up lines

You smell slightly less awful then the other hippies. So,…

Most Common Tattoos Spotted at the Trump Inauguration

Demonic/zombie bald eagle with dead dove in it's mouth: 174 Rebel…

Pick-up Lines Overheard at the Trump Inauguration

Given President Trump’s notorious sexist comments about women,…

Washington, D.C. Travel Guide for Trump Supporters

Tens of thousands of Donald Trump supporters will be flocking…

The New School Threat: Grizzly Bears

Sure guns in schools can do SOME bad things, but what's the REAL…

Procrastinators! You Can Still Move Away! Try Guam!

FYEO – Guam Chamber of Commerce Secret Plan For Attracting…

Mr. Trump Goes to Washington

Meanwhile, in Donald Trump’s White House… The next President…

Obama Sticky Notes

Sticky notes that President Obama has left around Washington…

GOP Affordable Care Replacement Ideas

Don't despair, folks! All is not lost! Just mostly...   Quit…

11 Other Things House Oversight Committee Chairman Jason Chaffetz Would Rather Investigate than Trump’s Obvious Conflicts of Interest

If the returning Champion always goes first on Jeopardy, who…

Trump’s Golden Intelligence Briefing

Thank you for meeting with us today, Mr. President-elect. We…

Notable lines from Donald Trump's upcoming Inaugural Address

"Ask not what your country can do for you -- ask what your country…

FOTO BOMB: Barack Obama is...MOVING!

Obama is getting ready to move out of the White House. He…

How to Explain a Golden Shower to an Evangelical

It's like the story of Noah and the Flood, but God is a high-priced…

Donald Trump Reviews Overrated Meryl's Top Films

Kramer Vs. Kramer Overrated Meryl won an Academy Award for her…

FOTO BOMB: Trump @ CES

Trump is at it again doing his White House training at CES…

Other Revelations from the U.S. Intelligence Community

  Russian hackers got into the Nielsen computers and sabotaged…

Reality Shows of the Dictators

PUTIN YOU ON "Smile!  You're on Candid Comrade!"  The playful…

FOTO BOMB: Happy Trump New Year!

Donald Trump Wishes America a Happy New Year from Times Square.…