Trump’s Pay for Play Cabal
“The healthy man does not torture others - generally it is…
Baby New Year's Roast Of Father Time, 2017
Woo! Hey everybody, how's it going? I have to say... …
Other New Structures, Places And Things Named After Trump, Currently Under Construction
Just in time to swoop in and save his frail, trembling ego, Israel…
Red Flags That Your American Facebook Group is Probably Run by a Russian Bot
The phrases in the posts and comments aren’t quite right:
You…
The GOP's Holiday Caroling Set List
Rudolph The Ineligible, Pre-Existing Condition Having Reindeer
Baby,…
He’s Got Really Small Hands After All and 8 Other New Disney World Rides Added in Honor of Trump’s New Wax Figure in Hall of Presidents
Jared Kushner’s Slum Lords of The Caribbean
He’s…
How the Trumps Botch Christmas
“It's Christmas at ground zero,
Now the missiles are on their…
Creepy Guy With ‘Free Breast Exam’ T-Shirt Now Most Viable Women’s Health Option In Louisiana
The Louisiana Department of Health has released an official…
LEAKED! Roy Moore's Eventual Concession Speech
Alright pilgrims, looks like it’s come to this: defeated by…
The Trump-Lincoln Ford’s Theater Luxury Casino
“They call you Lady Luck,
But there is room for doubt,
At…
Trump's Super Grand Asian Trip Itinerary
Nov 5: Spend half an hour explaining to the Asian press that…
The Very Basic Facts Contained In The FBI's Released JFK Assassination Documents
The FBI recently released all documents related to the 1963 assassination…
Terrifying Halloween Costumes Based On Our New Normal
Fine Person
Comes with shaved-head skull cap…
Trump Speech-O-Matic
Many people wonder why the things President Trump says seem so…
Trump IQ Test
President Donald Trump has challenged Secretary of State Rex…
Lost Pages From the Steele Dossier
Note: This piece has been adapted from a recently completed…
Ways That Trump Could Be Even More Horribly Offensive To Puerto Rico
Visit the island and do a rain dance.
Ensure that paper…
List for the White House Handyman
We were able to obtain a copy of the list of requests and fixes…
Sean Spicer: Hollywood Wunderkind
“You can do this. We’ve all taken jobs we aren’t proud…
Nihilistic Airport Announcements
Flight 666 to Death Valley will now be departing from Gate…
Back Cover Blurbs for Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir, “What Happened”
“Let Fake News Media like AmazonWashingtonPost and FailingNewYorkTimes…
John Tyler's White House Letter To James Knox Polk
Since the election, Americans have been asking what it means…
The InfoWars Hurricane Survival Guide
When a gust of wind blows down your doors, stick out your head,…
5 Things to Prepare for Once You’ve Released the Fallen Angel from Mike Pence's Urn
Oh dear. Now, you’ve done it.
Despite countless,…
Steve Bannon’s Netflix Queue -or- How Steven Bannon Will Spend the Next Few Weeks While Nursing a Wounded But Bloated Ego, Fomenting Hatred in his Heart, and Drinking Gallons of Cheap Gin from a Discarded Aunt Jemima Bottle and a Sterilized Nipple
Birth of a Nation
(the 1916 version, not leftist 2016 film…
A Drug Infested Den' And Other Trump Inspired New New Hampshire State Mottos
President Trump called New Hampshire 'A Drug Infested Den.' Look…
White House Answering Machine
As you might imagine, the White House has been receiving thousands…
Donald Trump's Take On Classic Fairy Tales
Sure, ordering the murder of Snow White was evil, but nobody…
Our Desperate Writing Submission for Breitbart
Hello! We are writers who have not had success being hired by…
Trump Fantasy Football League
Current and former members of President Trump's inner circle…
Titles Of Political Satire Pieces I Started This Week And Got Too Depressed To Finish
As I scratch my mosquito bites from last night and watch…
Half A Dozen Other Nice Things That President Trump Has To Say About Hate-Mongering White Supremacists
"Wonderful... beautiful, even... penmanship on some of those…
The Death Of America Takes A Holiday: Trump's Vacation Journal
Day 1
"Journal... may I call you Journal? Today was sort of…
HGTV Presents: Trump's White House Flippers
Trump speaks from behind his desk in the Oval Office:
"Listen,…
Scaramucci's Ten Day's Worth Of Accomplishments
Booked a spot on Celebrity Big Brother
Straightened the…
Other Cringe-Worthy Lines From Trump's Speech To The Boy Scouts
What is it you boys do? You tie knots and so on, and get…
Revised Storm Names for 2017 Atlantic Hurricane Season
After receiving an executive order, the National Hurricane Center,…
Bodyslam Your Way To Greatness: The Gianforte Way
Hello, my fellow God-fearing Americans.
My name is Greg Gianforte.…
French Kiss 2: Justin Trudeau and Emmanuel Macron Lost in Italy
After the inaugural meeting for the G7 Summit, young and lithe…
Trump Delivers Commencement Speech To Liberal Arts College
Hello. Welcome. Can you believe I’m here? Not just as president,…
11 Special Counsels Trump Preferred Over Robert Mueller for Trump/Russia Investigation
Jared Kushner
Scooby Doo
Jared Kushner
Matlock
Jared…
Contents of Comey’s Other Memos
A memo in which former FBI Director James Comey details an interaction…
Other Super Secret Info Leaked To Russia By Trump
The White House Wifi password is password.
The place underneath…
History’s Great Writers Describe Sean Spicer in the Bushes
Shakespeare
The rogue fled from me like quicksilver,…
A Comprehensive Advisory System Based On Sean Spicer’s Standing Patterns As Devised By Homeland Security
Feet straight ahead, eyes forward, hands not on podium:
A…
James Comey’s Medications for the Recently Unemployed or Politically Compromised
Are you stressed? Worn out? Beaten down? Have recent events --…
Basic French for People That Want to Move There Now
Guys, France is safe from far-right nationalism! This makes…
Some Pre-Existing Conditions The GOP Will Accept
Slimy skin
Tightass
Sunburn from an “All Lives…
Whoops! Trump Was Caught Trying To Make Sense Of The Bill Of Rights
“…either elect more Republican Senators in 2018 or change…
Trump's Plans for a Canadian Border Wall
The Moat
We’re going to build a great moat, a great moat,…
Sean Spicer’s Dinner Speech While Celebrating Cinco de Mayo with Coworkers at Chili’s
Thank you all for coming. Everyone here is…here.…
Controversial Lines from the White House Correspondents' Dinner 1840-1950
The White House Correspondents’ Dinner (WHCD) has a history…
Trump's First 100 Days
The biggest accomplishments by the Trump Administration during…
Daily Gaffermations with Sean Spicer
(Sean Spicer looks into the mirror as he begins to speak. Unable…
Bill O'Reilly's Unused Final Monologue
So apparently the brass here at fucking Fox FUCKING News says…
Mar-A-Lago Menu (In the Event of Your Eventual Food Poisoning)
“Mr. Trump’s” Braised White Toast*
$50.00
Chilled…
Fareed Zakaria Declares the Moments Others Truly “Became the President”
“I think Donald Trump became president of the United States.…
A Note From the Witch Who Stole Sean Spicer’s Cool
First of all, I feel compelled to preface this all by saying…
Recent Cases of iPhone Damage in the Current Political Environment
Repair Ticket #2948528
Phone smashed against wall after aunt…
A Pilot Welcomes Passengers To Trump's America
*crackles over sound system*
Hi, uhhhhhh, welcome aboard…
President Trump Welcomes the First Pet
“Black crows in the meadow
Across a broad highway
Though…
It's Time to Meet the 2017 RNC Babies!
What do you get when you mix $7 Bud Lights with 50,000 pro-life…
Most Hilarious White House Pranks!
President Gerald Ford, a master tightrope artist who performed…
Brexit Up Is Hard To Do
The Five Stages of Grief Following a Bad Break-Up / Planned Withdrawal
1)…
Other People Mike Pence Won't Dine With
Pence's wife has announced that Mike Pence never dines with women…
Kid-Lit of the Revolution
"...it turns out, Kim Jong Il —along with dad Kim Il Sung —…
Paul Ryan's Other Teenage Dreams
“So Medicaid, sending it back to the states, capping its growth…
A Timeline of the Development of the Modern Democracy
1294 B.C.E. – Egyptian scribes break the first-ever…
Missing Excerpts From JFK's Diary
JFK's handwritten diary is going up for auction, and after years,…
Welcome to The Wire-Tap! The DC Area's Premiere Beer Garden.
Menu
Bar Snacks
Sleeping With The Ene~meatballs
If we're…
Mike Pence Returns to The Crossroads
“I went to the crossroads, fell down on my knees,
Asked the…
Animatronic Donald Trump's Executive Orders From Disney's Hall of Presidents
Inside Disney’s Hall of Presidents attraction, 44 animatronic…
Trump Administration Revised Terror Watch List
Nordstrom
Australia
Meryl Streep
Cast…
5 Ways to Spice up Your Relationship with Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak
Every serious relationship goes through dry spells. It’s…
Overheard at Trump/Cruz Dinner
President Donald Trump and Texas Senator Ted Cruz officially…
WebMD: Repeal And Replace
I’ll Die Without Insurance Disorder
What is I’ll Die…
Obama Wire Tapping
What President Obama overheard while tapping Donald Trump's phone…
Sessions Lessons
YOU can be as great of a liar as Jeff Sessions!! It's true!! …
Kellyanne Conway's Guide To White House Etiquette
When squatting on the Oval Office couch as if it were a piece…
Trumped Oscar Films
The American Academy of Arts & Sciences announced during…
How To Tell If You're Allowed In The White House Press Briefing Room
Your paper has plenty of gratis full-page ads for Ivanka's sassy…
Goodbye to the Cancer Moonshot
“Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses.”
~…
Other Surefire Ways to Get Kicked Out of CPAC
Organizers for the Conservative Political Action Conference…
Leaked Drafts of Donald Trump's Remarks About Some Upcoming Holidays
Susan B. Anthony Day
Today we honor Susan Anthony. Lots to…
What Happened 'Last Night In Sweden'
Here's what President Trump was talking about when he mentioned…
The President Trump Coffee Table Book — Get It Today!
The valor. The prestige. The endless parade of tanks and missile…
A Few More Statements About Black History Month from President Trump
Black Cats
A lot of great cats out there, folks. White cats,…
Joint Press Conference: Trump and Netanyahu
"We take you live to the White House where President Trump is…
Mike Flynn Phone Calls
The Trump Administration has more phone call problems.
(Now…
Trump News Conference
"We take you live to the White House where President Trump is…
Trump/Putin Rom-Coms
Four Elections and An Impeachment
Donald is a brash but sensitive…
Bobby Fink: Kid Detective - The Case of Trump's Missing Terror Attacks
It was the start of February when she walked back into my life.…
Rudy Giuliani’s Cyber Security Tips
As Donald Trump’s administration continues to take shape, Rudy…
Hearing To Determine Grizzly Bear’s Eligibility In Schools
SENATOR BERNIE SALAMANDER: (D-VA): The watering hole will come…
Putin's Diary
Dearest Diary,
Sometimes I believe you are my only friend.…
Other Things That The Kremlin Would Like An Apology For
President Trump's interview with Bill O'Reilly on Fox News really…
Trump's New Rules
Meanwhile, in Donald Trump’s White House…
Meeting in…
Sean Spicer and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Period.
I went to bed chewing thirty-five pieces of gum, and before…
Bowling Green Massacre and Our All-Time Favorite Kellyanne Conway Lies
So now Kellyanne Conway is referring to a "Bowling Green Massacre",…
President Seeking Agreeable White House Staffer
Thank you for coming in today. As you surely know, these White…
Trump's National Prayer Breakfast Offering
Hey, are you there God? It's me, Donald.
To tell you the truth,…
Trump Calls to World Leaders
President Donald J. Trump reportedly became angry during a telephone…
Oprah Winfrey is joining 60 Minutes
Oprah Winfrey is joining 60 Minutes as a Special Correspondent.…
Other Trump Executive Orders You Might Have Missed
New trade agreement discussions with Chile ("Mostly because I…
How The Obamas Spent Their Vacation In The British Virgin Islands
When the Obamas departed from the White House on January 20th,…
News From the White House Got You Down? Try Presidex!
Do you ever find yourself staying up through the wee hours of…
Extreme Vetting
"We take you live to New York City's John F. Kennedy International…
Alternate ways of paying for the wall
Now that Mexico has refused to pay for the wall that the Trump…
White House Confidential: Overheard During Trump’s First Week In Office
Anyone got a thesaurus? I’m running out of synonyms for the…
Trump's Other Changes To The White House Website
Trump wasn't in office for even a day when he made several notable…
Alternatives to Alternative Facts
The truth seems to be a fickle thing in the new White House,…
Phone Messages Left on My Senator’s Voicemail
[BEEP!] Hey, there! It’s Andy. I was just calling to check…
President Trump's First News Conference
"We take you to Washington D.C. where President Trump is about…
Grizzly Bears I Would Have Totally Shot at School
Conor, 5th Grade (Spelling Class)
Conor was pretty much the…
Women's March on Washington Pick-up lines
You smell slightly less awful then the other hippies.
So,…
Most Common Tattoos Spotted at the Trump Inauguration
Demonic/zombie bald eagle with dead dove in it's mouth: 174
Rebel…
Pick-up Lines Overheard at the Trump Inauguration
Given President Trump’s notorious sexist comments about women,…
Washington, D.C. Travel Guide for Trump Supporters
Tens of thousands of Donald Trump supporters will be flocking…
The New School Threat: Grizzly Bears
Sure guns in schools can do SOME bad things, but what's the REAL…
Procrastinators! You Can Still Move Away! Try Guam!
FYEO – Guam Chamber of Commerce Secret Plan For Attracting…
Mr. Trump Goes to Washington
Meanwhile, in Donald Trump’s White House…
The next President…
Obama Sticky Notes
Sticky notes that President Obama has left around Washington…
GOP Affordable Care Replacement Ideas
Don't despair, folks! All is not lost! Just mostly...
Quit…
11 Other Things House Oversight Committee Chairman Jason Chaffetz Would Rather Investigate than Trump’s Obvious Conflicts of Interest
If the returning Champion always goes first on Jeopardy, who…
Trump’s Golden Intelligence Briefing
Thank you for meeting with us today, Mr. President-elect. We…
Notable lines from Donald Trump's upcoming Inaugural Address
"Ask not what your country can do for you -- ask what your country…
FOTO BOMB: Barack Obama is...MOVING!
Obama is getting ready to move out of the White House. He…
How to Explain a Golden Shower to an Evangelical
It's like the story of Noah and the Flood, but God is a high-priced…
Donald Trump Reviews Overrated Meryl's Top Films
Kramer Vs. Kramer
Overrated Meryl won an Academy Award for her…
FOTO BOMB: Trump @ CES
Trump is at it again doing his White House training at CES…
Other Revelations from the U.S. Intelligence Community
Russian hackers got into the Nielsen computers and sabotaged…
Reality Shows of the Dictators
PUTIN YOU ON
"Smile! You're on Candid Comrade!" The playful…
FOTO BOMB: Happy Trump New Year!
Donald Trump Wishes America a Happy New Year from Times Square.…
FOTO BOMB: Putin Punished
" OBAMA does not take pleasure in the spankings or the sanctions…