Posts

John Tyler's White House Letter To James Knox Polk

Since the election, Americans have been asking what it means…

PIC QUIP: Trump Tax Returns

Steve Bannon’s Netflix Queue -or- How Steven Bannon Will Spend the Next Few Weeks While Nursing a Wounded But Bloated Ego, Fomenting Hatred in his Heart, and Drinking Gallons of Cheap Gin from a Discarded Aunt Jemima Bottle and a Sterilized Nipple

Birth of a Nation (the 1916 version, not leftist 2016 film…

A Drug Infested Den' And Other Trump Inspired New New Hampshire State Mottos

President Trump called New Hampshire 'A Drug Infested Den.' Look…

Dear News-Detox Journal

Day 1. Here I am at the Bob Ross Artist…

White House Answering Machine

As you might imagine, the White House has been receiving thousands…

Donald Trump's Take On Classic Fairy Tales

Sure, ordering the murder of Snow White was evil, but nobody…

Our Desperate Writing Submission for Breitbart

Hello! We are writers who have not had success being hired by…

Trump Fantasy Football League

Current and former members of President Trump's inner circle…

There Are Many Sides to Blame For My Getting Dumped By Justin

I'd like to share, in the strongest possible way, the horrible…

How To Tell If You Watched The Eclipse Wrong

Your eyebrows fell into your mouth while you were screaming. Your…

CARTOON: Slippery Slope

Titles Of Political Satire Pieces I Started This Week And Got Too Depressed To Finish

As I scratch my mosquito bites from last night and watch…

Half A Dozen Other Nice Things That President Trump Has To Say About Hate-Mongering White Supremacists

"Wonderful... beautiful, even... penmanship on some of those…

ALT-Right Film Festival

Tiki Torch Song Trilogies The Kids Are Alt Right Do…

PIC QUIP: 'Fire and Fury' Survival Tip #2

The Death Of America Takes A Holiday: Trump's Vacation Journal

Day 1 "Journal... may I call you Journal? Today was sort of…

PIC QUIP: 'Fire and Fury' Survival Tip #1

HGTV Presents: Trump's White House Flippers

Trump speaks from behind his desk in the Oval Office: "Listen,…

Scaramucci's Ten Day's Worth Of Accomplishments

Booked a spot on Celebrity Big Brother Straightened the…

Other Cringe-Worthy Lines From Trump's Speech To The Boy Scouts

What is it you boys do?   You tie knots and so on, and get…

FOTO BOMB: Ivanka's New Clothing Line

Revised Storm Names for 2017 Atlantic Hurricane Season

After receiving an executive order, the National Hurricane Center,…

Tripping Balls with the Founding Fathers

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Many observers of President Donald J. Trump…

French Kiss 2: Justin Trudeau and Emmanuel Macron Lost in Italy

After the inaugural meeting for the G7 Summit, young and lithe…

Trump Delivers Commencement Speech To Liberal Arts College

Hello. Welcome. Can you believe I’m here? Not just as president,…

Contents of Comey’s Other Memos

A memo in which former FBI Director James Comey details an interaction…

Other Super Secret Info Leaked To Russia By Trump

The White House Wifi password is password. The place underneath…

History’s Great Writers Describe Sean Spicer in the Bushes

Shakespeare   The rogue fled from me like quicksilver,…

A Comprehensive Advisory System Based On Sean Spicer’s Standing Patterns As Devised By Homeland Security

Feet straight ahead, eyes forward, hands not on podium: A…

James Comey’s Medications for the Recently Unemployed or Politically Compromised

Are you stressed? Worn out? Beaten down? Have recent events --…

Some Pre-Existing Conditions The GOP Will Accept

Slimy skin Tightass Sunburn from an “All Lives…

Whoops! Trump Was Caught Trying To Make Sense Of The Bill Of Rights

“…either elect more Republican Senators in 2018 or change…

Trump's Plans for a Canadian Border Wall

The Moat We’re going to build a great moat, a great moat,…

Wikileaks Releases Cease and Desist Order From EPA to Mother Nature

From the office of Pruitt, Scott Administrator, Environmental…

Sean Spicer’s Dinner Speech While Celebrating Cinco de Mayo with Coworkers at Chili’s

Thank you all for coming. Everyone here is…here.…

Big Boy Donny’s Birthday Party

“I want a ball, I want a party Pink…

Controversial Lines from the White House Correspondents' Dinner 1840-1950

The White House Correspondents’ Dinner (WHCD) has a history…

Trump's First 100 Days

The biggest accomplishments by the Trump Administration during…

Daily Gaffermations with Sean Spicer

(Sean Spicer looks into the mirror as he begins to speak. Unable…

Bill O'Reilly's Unused Final Monologue

So apparently the brass here at fucking Fox FUCKING News says…

Mar-A-Lago Menu (In the Event of Your Eventual Food Poisoning)

“Mr. Trump’s” Braised White Toast* $50.00 Chilled…

11 Amazing Last Minute Tax Hacks

7) Health-insurance premiums are tax-deductible, and if you simply go without health insurance you can save years of income taxes by dying prematurely.

FOTO BOMB: Happy MOAB Day from President Trump

Fareed Zakaria Declares the Moments Others Truly “Became the President”

“I think Donald Trump became president of the United States.…

A Note From the Witch Who Stole Sean Spicer’s Cool

First of all, I feel compelled to preface this all by saying…

Recent Cases of iPhone Damage in the Current Political Environment

Repair Ticket #2948528 Phone smashed against wall after aunt…

A Pilot Welcomes Passengers To Trump's America

*crackles over sound system* Hi, uhhhhhh, welcome aboard…

Budget Cut Reading List

Trump's budget cuts will no doubt have a negative effect on this…

President Trump Welcomes the First Pet

“Black crows in the meadow Across a broad highway Though…

It's Time to Meet the 2017 RNC Babies!

What do you get when you mix $7 Bud Lights with 50,000 pro-life…

Most Hilarious White House Pranks!

President Gerald Ford, a master tightrope artist who performed…

Press Conference From The Discarded Crayola Crayon, Dandelion

"Okay, first off, yes, I am drunk. Very drunk. Drunk to the point…

Other People Mike Pence Won't Dine With

Pence's wife has announced that Mike Pence never dines with women…

Paul Ryan's Other Teenage Dreams

“So Medicaid, sending it back to the states, capping its growth…

Guided Meditations For The Trump Era

In light of recent political events, we’ve updated our app…

Trump MasterClass

 

Most Anticipated New Reality Shows

Extreme Vetting  Join America’s most extreme veterinarian,…

Mike Pence Returns to The Crossroads

“I went to the crossroads, fell down on my knees, Asked the…

Animatronic Donald Trump's Executive Orders From Disney's Hall of Presidents

Inside Disney’s Hall of Presidents attraction, 44 animatronic…

Trump Administration Revised Terror Watch List

Nordstrom Australia Meryl Streep Cast…

Overheard at Trump/Cruz Dinner

President Donald Trump and Texas Senator Ted Cruz officially…

Happy International Women's Day From President Trump

Trump's 4:30 AM Conspiracy Tweets

…

Immigrationgram

Introducing the Immigrationgram app! Now you can see what your…

Obama Wire Tapping

What President Obama overheard while tapping Donald Trump's phone…

Kellyanne Conway's Guide To White House Etiquette

When squatting on the Oval Office couch as if it were a piece…

Department of Nihilism Study Finds That Nothing Matters Anyway

WASHINGTON, DC – A new report by the federal Department of…

Trumped Oscar Films

The American Academy of Arts & Sciences announced during…

How To Tell If You're Allowed In The White House Press Briefing Room

Your paper has plenty of gratis full-page ads for Ivanka's sassy…

Goodbye to the Cancer Moonshot

“Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses.” ~…

President Trump's Black History Month Checklist

☐  Why no White History Month? Have someone look into that. ☐…

CARTOON: Medical History

TRUMPO Phonetic Alphabet

The administration's defense secretary said Trump may reduce…

FOTO BOMB: ты слышишь меня сейчас?

Can you hear me now?

Leaked Drafts of Donald Trump's Remarks About Some Upcoming Holidays

Susan B. Anthony Day Today we honor Susan Anthony. Lots to…

What Happened 'Last Night In Sweden'

Here's what President Trump was talking about when he mentioned…

The President Trump Coffee Table Book — Get It Today!

The valor. The prestige. The endless parade of tanks and missile…

A Few More Statements About Black History Month from President Trump

Black Cats A lot of great cats out there, folks. White cats,…

Joint Press Conference: Trump and Netanyahu

"We take you live to the White House where President Trump is…

CARTOON: Real Actual Clothes

White House Valentine's Day Cards

        …

Mike Flynn Phone Calls

The Trump Administration has more phone call problems. (Now…

Trump News Conference

"We take you live to the White House where President Trump is…

Trump/Putin Rom-Coms

Four Elections and An Impeachment Donald is a brash but sensitive…

Bobby Fink: Kid Detective - The Case of Trump's Missing Terror Attacks

It was the start of February when she walked back into my life.…

FOTO BOMB: Unretouched Steve Bannon Time Cover

Rudy Giuliani’s Cyber Security Tips

As Donald Trump’s administration continues to take shape, Rudy…

Putin's Diary

Dearest Diary, Sometimes I believe you are my only friend.…

Other Things That The Kremlin Would Like An Apology For

President Trump's interview with Bill O'Reilly on Fox News really…

Trump's New Rules

Meanwhile, in Donald Trump’s White House… Meeting in…

Sean Spicer and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Period.

I went to bed chewing thirty-five pieces of gum, and before…

Bowling Green Massacre and Our All-Time Favorite Kellyanne Conway Lies

So now Kellyanne Conway is referring to a "Bowling Green Massacre",…

President Seeking Agreeable White House Staffer

Thank you for coming in today. As you surely know, these White…

Trump's National Prayer Breakfast Offering

Hey, are you there God? It's me, Donald. To tell you the truth,…

Trump Calls to World Leaders

President Donald J. Trump reportedly became angry during a telephone…

CARTOON: The Emperor's #AlternativeFacts Clothes

Other Trump Executive Orders You Might Have Missed

New trade agreement discussions with Chile ("Mostly because I…

News From the White House Got You Down? Try Presidex!

Do you ever find yourself staying up through the wee hours of…

Extreme Vetting

"We take you live to New York City's John F. Kennedy International…

Alternate ways of paying for the wall

Now that Mexico has refused to pay for the wall that the Trump…

FOTO BOMB: Trump Bros. Avocados

White House Confidential: Overheard During Trump’s First Week In Office

Anyone got a thesaurus? I’m running out of synonyms for the…

Trump's Other Changes To The White House Website

Trump wasn't in office for even a day when he made several notable…

Alternatives to Alternative Facts

The truth seems to be a fickle thing in the new White House,…

Phone Messages Left on My Senator’s Voicemail

[BEEP!] Hey, there! It’s Andy. I was just calling to check…

President Trump's First News Conference

"We take you to Washington D.C. where President Trump is about…

Grizzly Bears I Would Have Totally Shot at School

Conor, 5th Grade (Spelling Class) Conor was pretty much the…

Women's March on Washington Pick-up lines

You smell slightly less awful then the other hippies. So,…

Most Common Tattoos Spotted at the Trump Inauguration

Demonic/zombie bald eagle with dead dove in it's mouth: 174 Rebel…

Taking the Twitter Oath

'I, Donald J. Trump will chew out world leaders. I will tweet…

Pick-up Lines Overheard at the Trump Inauguration

Given President Trump’s notorious sexist comments about women,…

Washington, D.C. Travel Guide for Trump Supporters

Tens of thousands of Donald Trump supporters will be flocking…

The New School Threat: Grizzly Bears

Sure guns in schools can do SOME bad things, but what's the REAL…

Procrastinators! You Can Still Move Away! Try Guam!

FYEO – Guam Chamber of Commerce Secret Plan For Attracting…

Mr. Trump Goes to Washington

Meanwhile, in Donald Trump’s White House… The next President…

11 Other Things House Oversight Committee Chairman Jason Chaffetz Would Rather Investigate than Trump’s Obvious Conflicts of Interest

If the returning Champion always goes first on Jeopardy, who…

Trump’s Golden Intelligence Briefing

Thank you for meeting with us today, Mr. President-elect. We…

Notable lines from Donald Trump's upcoming Inaugural Address

"Ask not what your country can do for you -- ask what your country…

How to Explain a Golden Shower to an Evangelical

It's like the story of Noah and the Flood, but God is a high-priced…

Donald Trump Reviews Overrated Meryl's Top Films

Kramer Vs. Kramer Overrated Meryl won an Academy Award for her…

FOTO BOMB: Trump @ CES

Trump is at it again doing his White House training at CES…

Other Revelations from the U.S. Intelligence Community

  Russian hackers got into the Nielsen computers and sabotaged…

FOTO BOMB: Happy Trump New Year!

Donald Trump Wishes America a Happy New Year from Times Square.…

Trump's Definitions of Common, Everyday Political Terms

President-Elect Trump recently referred to the UN as simply "a…

It's a Wonderful Presidency

President-elect Trump is pacing inside the penthouse at Trump…

CARTOON: Holiday Outsourcing

Christmas Gifts The Trump’s Asked From Santa

The Declaration of Independence, for Ivanka to use as coasters…

Donald Trump's Pre-Tweet Crib Sheet

Mr. President-Elect Trump, please always refer to the following…

FOTO BOMB: Trump Holiday Card

Least Clicked On Fake News Stories

Creator Of CB Radio Sets Own Buttocks On Fire Nazi Scientists…

The Spy Who Came in from the Access Hollywood Bus

A dimly lit tavern, somewhere along the Ukrainian border. A waitress…

FOTO BOMB: President Elect Trump has a Balloon

The Trump Presidency, The First 100 Days

ObamaCare replaced by TrumpCare (first-aid kit, bottle of off-brand…

How to Be a White Ally Without All the Hassle

Are you distressed about the results of the recent presidential…

Steve Bannon, Really? He Doesn’t Even Make My List of Top 5 Favorite Nazis

  I gotta tell you: I’m real disappointed with the…

FOTO BOMB: Chris Christie's New Job

WikiLeaks Bombshell: Militia Group Issues ‘Stand Down’ Order, Four Erections Die

KALAMAZOO, Mich. – As Republican presidential candidate Donald…

So You're Moving To Another Country...

What Now? Things To Consider:   1) Don't Go From…

Election Night Comforting Thoughts

Regardless of who ultimately wins, the night of the Presidential…

Very Last Minute Election Surprises

Adak, Alaska has the pleasant distinction of being home to the…

You've Decided to Vote for Trump, But Can You Figure Out Which Robert E. Lee High School the Polling Place Is Located?

  Well, after months of the finest deductive reasoning,…

Election Day Voting Checklist

Are you ready to make the arduous journey to your local voting…

FOTO BOMB: Megyn and Newt's First Date