Trump Delivers Commencement Speech To Liberal Arts College
Hello. Welcome. Can you believe I’m here? Not just as president,…
Welcome To The Team! Now, Let's Find You A Good Place To Cry, Shall We?
From: SusiePLovesTV@aol.com
To: Lindsey.Field@FizzNetwork.com
Subject:…
The TV Beat- What To DVR Tonight!
Sandra's Café
Hilarious antics ensue when Sandra and the…
11 Special Counsels Trump Preferred Over Robert Mueller for Trump/Russia Investigation
Jared Kushner
Scooby Doo
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Matlock
Jared…
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Contents of Comey’s Other Memos
A memo in which former FBI Director James Comey details an interaction…
Other Super Secret Info Leaked To Russia By Trump
The White House Wifi password is password.
The place underneath…
Rejected Prom Themes
Enchanting Night Of People You’ll Never See After Graduation
Dance…
History’s Great Writers Describe Sean Spicer in the Bushes
Shakespeare
The rogue fled from me like quicksilver,…
A Comprehensive Advisory System Based On Sean Spicer’s Standing Patterns As Devised By Homeland Security
Feet straight ahead, eyes forward, hands not on podium:
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We Got You This Beautiful Charm Bracelet For Mother’s Day
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LEAKED! Ernie's Memo To Staff On New HBO Set of Sesame Street
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James Comey’s Medications for the Recently Unemployed or Politically Compromised
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I’m the Ghost of a Non-Energy Efficient Home, and I Can’t Haunt This House for Shit
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Rejection Letter from Grams' Jams to Ad Agency For Misunderstanding 'Esoteric' for 'Erotic'
Bryan Champlin
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To humorless trolls who soiled themselves re: my earlier tweet-stop…
Basic French for People That Want to Move There Now
Guys, France is safe from far-right nationalism! This makes…
Some Pre-Existing Conditions The GOP Will Accept
Slimy skin
Tightass
Sunburn from an “All Lives…
If Adult Movie Dialogue Was Actually ‘Adult’
“Oh god, you’re harder than getting out of bed in the morning.”
“I…
STAR WARS SHOCKER: "THREEPIO'S BEEN BEATING ME FOR YEARS," SOBS ARTOO
SOMEWHERE IN THE GALAXY - Finally equipped with a simple voice…
Whoops! Trump Was Caught Trying To Make Sense Of The Bill Of Rights
“…either elect more Republican Senators in 2018 or change…
Trump's Plans for a Canadian Border Wall
The Moat
We’re going to build a great moat, a great moat,…
Wikileaks Releases Cease and Desist Order From EPA to Mother Nature
From the office of
Pruitt, Scott
Administrator, Environmental…
Sean Spicer’s Dinner Speech While Celebrating Cinco de Mayo with Coworkers at Chili’s
Thank you all for coming. Everyone here is…here.…
Big Boy Donny’s Birthday Party
“I want a ball,
I want a party
Pink…
Turning Your Lemonade Stand Into A Solid Money-Maker
Wet Lemonade T-Shirt Contests with several of the neighborhood…
Why I’m Inviting This Season’s Winner of MasterChef Junior to Read My Eulogy
Okay, first off, huge fan of the show, and please-- please, hold…
14 Product Placements for Pop Songs # 9 Will Make You Literally Want To Eat Their Words
Put a BK Onion Ring On it
Beyoncé
The Real Slim Jim…
Do You Need A Pep Talk?
I can tell from your appearance that you need a pep talk.
I…
Controversial Lines from the White House Correspondents' Dinner 1840-1950
The White House Correspondents’ Dinner (WHCD) has a history…
I am 100% Committed to Being a Dad 24 Minutes a Day
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Trump's First 100 Days
The biggest accomplishments by the Trump Administration during…
MILF's 2.0: Men I’d Like to F*ck! (Better Read on in Case It’s You, Guy-at-the-Office)
Guys, lets face the cold hard truth: nobody gives a shit about…
Notes to Melville (Starbuck's)
There in a stark New England room is Herman Melville: white hair,…
Signs That You're At A Crummy Garage Sale
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Letter From the R-Train
My dearest Petula,
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Time’s List Of 100 Most Influential Times
That Time When You Were Like I’ll Never Drink Again
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Quiz: Brazilian Soccer Player or Yoga Pants
1. Neymar
2. Lululemon
3. Kaka
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5. Fabletics
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Daily Gaffermations with Sean Spicer
(Sean Spicer looks into the mirror as he begins to speak. Unable…
Scientists Bring Back Dodo From Extinction For The Fourth Time
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Bill O'Reilly's Unused Final Monologue
So apparently the brass here at fucking Fox FUCKING News says…
The Wholly Ignored Life of a Hogwarts Home Economics Professor
Dear Headmaster Dumbledore,
I am attaching the work…
Auditing A Juggalo
INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE
Robert Evans, Senior Auditor
2001…
HighKu's
The assignment was given our subjects:
Ingest one of several…
Mar-A-Lago Menu (In the Event of Your Eventual Food Poisoning)
“Mr. Trump’s” Braised White Toast*
$50.00
Chilled…
8 Acts Weirder Than Hans Zimmer Playing Coachella
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The War on Penis Terror: Angry Vagina and Her Dating App (Part 5)
~ DEAR VAGINA SOLDIER ~
Eager to earn your dignity as an honored…
11 Amazing Last Minute Tax Hacks
7) Health-insurance premiums are tax-deductible, and if you simply go without health insurance you can save years of income taxes by dying prematurely.
Quiz: Celebrity Kid Name or Snack Chip Flavor
1. Rainbow Aurora
2. Chile Lime
3. Wasabi Ginger
4. Apple
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Elevator Pitches for Lifetime Movies
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Janelle, a…
Vacation Hotel Tips!
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Wall Street’s Additions to Fearless Girl
PRESS RELEASE FROM STATE STREET GLOBAL ADVISORS.
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Notes from a Pepsi Ad Executive
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Repair Ticket #2948528
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Hi, uhhhhhh, welcome aboard…
Your Pregnancy Week By Week: Meat Lovers Edition
LISTEN TO THIS ARTICLE
We think that getting weekly email…
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President Trump Welcomes the First Pet
“Black crows in the meadow
Across a broad highway
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It's Time to Meet the 2017 RNC Babies!
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Dead Sea Scroll Excerpts That Seem To Suggest Jesus Also Made Great Hummus
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Dear Mom,
Today,…
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Welcome to The Wire-Tap! The DC Area's Premiere Beer Garden.
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Mike Pence Returns to The Crossroads
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I Swear to God, If I Hear “Be Our Guest” In This Castle One More Time I’m Going To Kill Something
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Trump Administration Revised Terror Watch List
Nordstrom
Australia
Meryl Streep
Cast…
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Give Peas a Chance
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President Donald Trump and Texas Senator Ted Cruz officially…
For Our Wedding We’re Registered For All the Items We Destroyed During the Blowout Fight We Had While Registering at Bed Bath and Beyond
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Immigrationgram
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Let me tell you a tale of a close friend of mine named Angry…
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Department of Nihilism Study Finds That Nothing Matters Anyway
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Arms on Oscar statues held on with Scotch tape.
Jimmy…
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The American Academy of Arts & Sciences announced during…
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Goodbye to the Cancer Moonshot
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The Aliens from Arrival Review the Oscar Nominees for Visual Effects
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The Westminster Human Show 2047
Welcome to the premier showcase of humanity, transmitted across…
Thanks For Your Patreon Payment!
My Good Friend Anthony,
Thanks for sponsoring my creative…
President Trump's Black History Month Checklist
☐ Why no White History Month? Have someone look into that.
☐…
TRUMPO Phonetic Alphabet
The administration's defense secretary said Trump may reduce…
FOTO BOMB: ты слышишь меня сейчас?
Can you hear me now?
45 Things More Shameful Than Having Your Identity Stolen at Arby's
Nope. Sorry, you blew it.
You came here expecting a list of…
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A lot of great cats out there, folks. White cats,…