The Stars of the 2016 Election: Where Are They Now?

If you remember back to what seems like 10 years ago, there were…

Groucho Marx: ‘I wouldn’t want to belong to a LinkedIn group that would have me as a member,’ and 11 Other Famous Quotes Updated for Millennials

Bible: Let he who is without sin podcast throwing the first stone Shakespeare’s…

Pop Music Challenges To Try After Drake’s KiKi Challenge

If you’ve already completed Drake’s challenge, which involves…

#OfficeLifeMantra

Breath in. Breath out. Relax - here are our best #OfficeLifeMantras!…

If The Rules of Fight Club Were Repurposed for Book Club

The first rule of Book Club is: you do not talk about Book Club. The…

Sarah Huckabee Sanders Briefs the Media: “The President clearly meant you need id to buy groceries”

Before we start, I just want to note how disappointed I am in…

Other Recent Changes To Your MoviePass Account

MoviePass announced it is raising its price and cutting access…

Guy Fieri Receives His Enneagram Results

IT’S TRUE, PEOPLE: Even the Mayor of Flavortown™ needs to…

Fun Summer Activities at U.S. Immigration Camp Internment!

Features: Bunk Buddies! — Gain the confidence of being…

Quiz: Ernest Hemingway or “Florida Man”?

Tied a weather balloon to his gun to make his suicide look…

A Taste of Honeypot: One Senator’s Night with Maria Butina

So then, she says she’d like to discuss national reciprocity…

13 Fun Things You Didn’t Know About Class Reunions

Brush up on the history of this strange custom before you attend…

#WimpyActionMovies

1 Comment
/
You incredible folks tweeted #WimpyActionMovies to the #5 trending…

Biggest Scoops And Spoilers From 2018 Comic-Con International: San Diego

Within the next couple of months or so, there are going to be…

Welcome to Greg & Jackie’s Wedding Site—Fuck Yeah!

Welcome to Greg & Jackie’s Wedding Site—Fuck Yeah! August…

#TerribleTedTalks

We made the mistake of asking for your #TerribleTedTalk ideas,…

The Soul Child, the Poet, and the Bedford-Stuyvesant Y

He placed his hands on my hips in what our instructor, Diego,…

Half-Assed Apologies From Historic Leaders For Egregious Crimes Against Humanity

Pharaoh of The Exodus   When I enslaved the Israelites…

Fun Indoor Games to Play with Your Children While the Earth is Melting

This May was the hottest May in recorded history for the entire…

Upcoming Rebooted TV Shows

Everyone is out of new ideas, it seems.    In creative mediums…

White House Revised List: Donald Trump’s Favorite Things

Favorite Golfer: Tiger Wouldn’ts Favorite Tongue Twister:…

Synopsis: Aunt-Man and the W.A.S.P.

When Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) catches two homeless kids…

‘Mr. Gorbachev add onto this wall’ and 6 other Presidential quotes Trump would have ‘fixed’ if he had been President

George Washington: I can tell a lie.  Cherry tree? What cherry…

Baseball’s State-of-the-Union

As the 89th annual Midsummer Classic is upon us, it’s that time again when baseball sizes up how to improve public perception and sales after the All-Star break, or really, the old-age question; “How do we draw more of today’s youth to the sport to fill more seats?”

Epic Gender Reveal Party Theme Ideas for Men

Football Game Gender Reveal: Hire two professional football…

Regional Variations on S’mores

There’s no snack more quintessentially summery than s’mores.…

A Passive-Aggressive Conversation Between My Loud Neighbor And Me, Via Wi-Fi Network Names

My Wifi Network Name:  Turn Down Your TV Seriously…

A Prepared Statement for Fighting My Speeding Ticket

Your Honor, ladies and gentlemen of traffic court, I am here…

Other Times Meghan Markle Has Broken Royal Protocol

Meghan Markle has caused a stir by breaking royal protocol…

#KnockOffCelebrities

In honor of all of the happy celebrity engagements that have…

Rejected Trump Balloon Concepts (after settling on the fat Trump baby)

Leering Trump balloon groping Garfield balloon. Trump…

Man Allergic To Clothing Gets Permission To Come To Work Nude

PENSACOLA, Florida – Jack Navish had worn clothing all his…

Quiz: Deadly Sin or Snow White Dwarf

1.    Envy 2.   Gluttony 3.   Sneezy 4.   Greed 5.…

Affirmations To Reduce Worry When The News Media Stops Covering #Kidgate 2018

By the time you read this, we will still be in a highly polarized,…

#SexyPicnicFoods

To celebrate America's sexiest holiday, the 4th of July, we asked…

The Tri-State Area’s Lowest-Rated Birthday Party Clowns

The Clown That Ran Over Your Dog While He Was Parking, and Diabeeto: The Clown That Needs to Give Himself a Shot Real Quick. Smile!

Michael Cohen’s Legal Flashcards

Questions to look up beforehand (see Yahoo Answers?):   Larceny Bribery…

How To Monetize Your Kitten

Now that you brought home your new cat, it’s time to take this…

Rough Start to Summer: A Lifeguard Has Ordered the Ocean Drained After a Whale Pooped In It

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Plus, it's gross.

Surgeon General Encourages Thumb-Sucking for Politicians

Thumb sucking - it's the next logical step.

Are You There, Cthulhu? It’s Me, Margaret.

If only we had this kind of content during our vulnerable years - maybe it wold have all turned out differently.

An Asylum Seeking Migrant Answers Tricky Office Job Interview Questions

They always try to get you with those trick questions.

Morning Meditation for Flat Earthers

If the Earth is round, then how does the water stay?

Rejected Summer Camp Activities

Summer camp is the place for a lot of things: S'mores, Candle Making, Friendship, Etc. But thankfully camp is not the place for any of THESE things.

President Trump’s Definitive Shortlist Of Supreme Court Justice Picks

This has potential to be the most surprising or least surprising thing you've read today.

VIDEO: Drama at the Office

How do you tell someone you have literally no desire to see what they've been working on - but, like, in a nice way?

Look What I Can Do! | God | TEDx

Well, that didn't play out quite like we thought it would.

#PerformanceReviewIn5words

But actually, how are any of these people employed?

Rainbow Trout and 13 Other LGBTQ Friendly Things Hungarian Right Wingers Might Want to Ban Along with The Musical Billy Elliot

You really just have to get rid of all of it or people might actually start being themselves.

More Trump Poems

Poetry is really one of the only truly beautiful things we have left.

Rejected Happy Hour Specialty Cocktails

Flint Still Doesn’t Have Clean Water -arita (@MattHarbert) Dark…

Football Moves That Can Also Be Used To Reject People Hitting On You In Bars

You’re probably aware of the game they call football.  But…

Ex-Barber Builds Home Out Of Human Hair

SVENSPOT, Sweden -- Most people work all their lives to be able…

Lines I Imagine Jeff Goldblum Saying In "Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom"

“Life, uh, finds a way. For the fifth time, apparently.” “I…

A Letter From Space Force Training

Hi Mom. Thanks for the note. I miss you too.   Things…

Forever 21 to Life and 8 Other Wedding Registries For People Marrying Their ‘In The Pen Pal’

So, your female bestie’s ‘In The Pen Pal’ beau has proposed…

11 Things You Never Knew About “The Jetsons”

In 1962, William Hanna and Joseph Barbera pitched a primetime…

More Offensive Jackets Worn By Melania

Many were shocked and appalled by the First Lady’s lack of…

“Alexa, Self-Destruct” And Other Ways To Delete What Alexa Records You Saying

With the recent news that Amazon’s Alexa device saves recordings…

#DrunkWaterSports

It’s getting hot out, which means it's time to take to the…

Your Basic Economy Flight Add-Ons

Seating $50: upgrade from inside the wooden crate in the luggage compartment to a seat on top of a battered suitcase in the luggage compartment. $150: upgrade to the toilet when it’s not occupied.

It’s Not the Holocaust Tho

ME: Separating families at the border is criminal. We can’t…

Revised Duran Duran Titles for Generation X-ers Heading into Their Fifties

The Reflux Hungry Like the Wolf, After Fasting for 24…

Dad Jokes: Just the Punchlines

I don’t know, CAN you assume I don’t want to be resuscitated? and more punchlines from Dad Jokes.

James Joyce Writes Taglines for Famous Movies

The 40-Year-Old Virgin Frolick too late, no joy. The…

The Summer 2018 Guide to Planning Your Dream Wedding and Swallowing That Last Bit of Yourself That Held Onto Your Most Secret and Sacred Dreams

 Stay Organized Between the guest list, the registry, and…

A Friendly Welcome/Formal Warning Letter from Your Neighborhood Homeowners Association

Dear New Resident,   Greetings and welcome to the…

Donald Trump’s Hair to Announce It’s Transitioning Into A Quilt

The news just got a bit more hair-raising as it relates to the…

A Sampling of the Times I Said “I’m Sorry” on My European Tour of Self Discovery

In the palace square, when I walked a little too close to a few…

#SadAmusementParkRides

It's summertime, which means the season for sweating in amusement…

Awkward, Horrible Places That Trump Has Tried To Turn Into Amazing Real Estate Opportunities

During his recent meeting with Kim Jung Un, President Trump marveled…

International House of Pancakes, Iconic Breakfast Restaurant, Dead at 60

Known for their breakfast and contributions to American obesity,…

A Viewer’s Guide To World Cup Injuries

Injuries are a part of every sport. A hockey player might lose…

Sacrificing My Son Has Made Me Into An Instagram Star!

After giving birth to Tucker I was filled with an unbridled,…

Overheard At The G7 Summit...

"G7? Aw, man... I could've had a V8!" "Hey, what's with…

College Admits 10 Month Old Infant Genius

FRANKFORT, Kentucky -- Most 10 month old babies are still pre-occupied…

Worst Vacation Roadside Attractions

Tovar's Wide World Of Raisins:   What seems initially to…

My Dick is Stuck in a Westworld Robot

I came to Westworld for the unbridled adventure. It’s a world…

The Art Of The Slaughter: 7 More Humane Ways To Kill Your Livestock

1. Take your animal to an upscale Italian restaurant. About…

For MTV’s ‘Real World’ There’s No Place Like Nome

MTV’s ‘Real World’ announced its latest destination - Nome,…

What Your Favorite Writer Says About You

Find out what your taste in authors says about you as a person. And yes, this is definitive.

#BadSummerBooks

We're putting together a summer reading list so we can go on…

My Internet History Is Crazier Than Yours

My internet history is the craziest out of anyone. Seriously,…

TV Newscast from Bizarro World

Local TV evening six o’clock newscast INT. TV NEW DESK, LIGHTS,…

Governor’s Ball presents a new VIP experience: The Velveeta Cheese Chain Smoking Tent brought to you by Crocs Shoes

In case there wasn’t enough glitter and Woodstock nostalgia…

11’ Tall Basketball Player Found In Namibia Running With Giraffes

INDIANAPOLIS – At 7’7”, Manute Bol never thought he’d…

Things You Say to a Dead Loved One OR Your Kid When They’re at Sleep Away Camp for the First Time

We miss you terribly. Are you making…

Margaritaville, Inc.’s Annual Report, By Jimmy Buffett

Mahalo shareholders, stakeholders and loyal Parrotheads. Margaritaville,…

#SadSummerInternTasks

It's interning season and we asked you for your best #SadSummerInternTasks,…

Things I’ve Done On Ambien That Aren’t Racist

“Guys, I did something unforgivable so do not defend me. It…

Products Affected By China's New Tariffs

Lizard-Innard Flavored Twizzlers George Foreman's At-Home…

Quiz: Actual Ambien Side Effect or Roseanne Ambien Side Effect

1. Clumsiness or Unsteadiness 2 Confusion 3 Depression 4 Difficulty…

Other Odd Side Effects Of Popular Drugs

Roseanne has blamed her racist Tweet on the drug Ambien, which…

Weekly Horoscopes for the Unemployed

Aries Life is like a rose, always blooming or not blooming,…

Man Stretches Out In Gym – Against His Will

CHARLESTON, West Virginia -- Ralph Swane went to his gym expecting…

Great Pacific Garbage Patch Timeshare Opportunities

Now that the Great Pacific Garbage Patch is growing to a size two…

#BadBBQRubs

We got geared up for the summer season and asked you for your…

Answers to the Questions Bob Dylan Poses in 'Blowin' in the Wind'

Q: "How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a…

Quiz: Vape Flavor or Affectionate Nickname You Should Never Call Any Woman At Work By...

Crazy Chill Jungle Juice Crazy Hump Wild Cherry …

Most Affordable Memorial Day Weekend Getaways

Everyone you know is going somewhere this weekend. So if you're…

Basic Cable, I have some questions.

After 19 months of winter, under self-imposed house arrest, it’s…

How to Get More Sleep

Keep In Sync With Your Body’s Sleep Cycle We know maintaining…

How to Keep Your House Cool This Summer

It’s almost summer, so you know what that means: Things are…

The NFL All New National Anthem Policy

The NFL announced a new national anthem policy today:   Players…

In the Event One of the Kids Becomes Patient Zero, and Other Job Requirements at a Children’s Entertainment Franchise

We’ve been the source of quality family entertainment since…

Favorite Sites On The Dark Web

Mr. Skinned Knee, FOX NEWS and other popular sites on The Dark Web...

9 Things That Are Definitely More Responsible For School Shootings Than Guns

Texas Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick says there are too many entrances…

Trump Finally Saw Avengers: Infinity War

Looks like Trump finally saw Infinity War and he's got some tweets for his new most admirable and very best new friend Thanos.

Overhead At The Royal Wedding

"Chicken nuggets on the buffet!!   The Trumps are coming??" "Look…

Comedian Kills Half His Elderly Audience With Great Joke

RIVERDALE, New York – All comedians like to be told they “killed”…

It’s the Audio Version of “The Dress”: Some People Hear “Yanny,” Others Hear “Laurel,” and You Hear the Voice of a Robot Demon Condemning You to Eternal Suffering

The internet is going crazy again, thanks to the most mind-blowingly…

10 Helpful Hints If You’re Lucky Enough To Land an Invite To Harry and Meghan’s Wedding

Don’t just leave your car keys with anyone in a fancy uniform. …

#RoyalPickUpLines

We got into the Royal Wedding mood and asked you for your best…

President Trump’s Short List for Veterans Affairs Secretary

Popeye John Rambo Sgt. Slaughter Blade The…

PIC QUIP: Trump's Anniversary Gift To Mueller

I’ll Have You Know, Riding My Scooter Makes Getting To Sex Appointments Much Faster

On your left! Please move out of my way, I’m the adult man riding the Razor scooter, and I really need to get to my next sex appointment ASAP!

Talkward w/ guest Andy Newton

Today on Talkward is comedy writer and occasional poet Andy…

Trump Gets His Parade

Some folks are born made to wave the flag Ooh, they're red,…

Trends in New Nostalgia

The hottest fashion trend making waves this summer…

Prince Charles' Drunken Toast To Prince Harry And Meghan Markle

"Hmm? What, already? Okay, okay, okay.... OKAY!! I said okay!!!…

Bingeworthy New Kidlit Adaptations, Coming Soon From The Producers Of Breaking Bad

"Netflix’s gritty adaptation of Anne of Green Gables will return…

OFFICE MEMORANDUM: In Response to The Workplace Satisfaction Survey, We'll Be Renovating Our Office Space into a Jungle

To: All LQP Employees From: LQP CEO Richard Smarsky Subject:…

36 More Questions To Fall in Love With Anyone

“In Mandy Len Catron’s Modern Love essay, “ To Fall in…

Rudy G's "Makin' Life A Breeze"- Rudy Giuliani's Guide To Living Your Best Life!

Don't Sweat The Small Stuff Life can be crazy sometimes. And…

Bodybuilder’s Bicep Explodes Killing Work-Out Partner

TARZANA, California – Mike “Cannon Ball” Tortuga, Mr. Olympus…

A Few Mighty, Uncanny Facts About Avengers: Infinity War

Iron Man is really pissed about Trump’s recent steel tariff…

Profiles of Men Who Have Earned the Title of “Super Dad”

David, 42, is a hedge fund manager and father of two children…

Charles Barkley Banned From Vegas “All You Can Eat” Buffets

Hall of Fame basketball great and hoops commentator Charles Barkley…

15 Ways To Determine If Your Facebook Post Contains Hate Speech

It uses derogatory language to describe a person, animal, country,…

15 Things That Are Unquestionably True at the Gym

Assuming the spread-eagle position in public is perfectly okay…

Affairs of the State: Love Notes To and From Russia With and Without Love

August 10, 2015 Dear Donald, You like strong leaders. I am…

Teddy Ruxpin Story Descriptions for the 21st Century

 The world sure has changed a lot since 1985! Teddy is ready…

The White House Party Planning Committee Brainstorms For Cinco de Mayo

TED: Okay, listen up hombres. The White House Cinco de Mayo party…

Potential Headliners for Next Year’s White House Correspondents Dinner

Gallagher 2 Mike Huckabee Jeff Dunham’s Terrorist…

Ohio Man Literally Zips His Lip

DAVENPORT, Ohio – Men have done many unusual things to try…

To Whoever Was Using This Glory Hole

What’s up, fellas! How are you guys doing? Enjoying the hole?…

Baseball Terms Explained for the Non-Baseball Fan By Someone Who Definitely Knows Baseball Very Well

AB - Player saw  “a bat” SB - Player “saw” a “bat” BK…

A Midsummer Night’s Shakespeare with Ryan Gosling

To prove that nothing is outside Ryan Gosling’s range as an…

What to Expect After Implantation of Your Newterus®, the Hottest Feminine Upgrade Yet!

"Female cosmetic genital surgery is rapidly gaining popularity."—Plastic…

New Apps for People Who Suffer From Time Mismanagement, Which Other People Shouldn’t Find So Problematic

Apologize Now - Are the apologies you give for your constant…

Why You’re Not Invited to Parties Anymore

That woman you brought to the last party kept biting the other…

Sean Hannity's Other Secret Advisers

It turns out Michael Cohen isn't the only associate of President…

PIC QUIP: Chris Christie Portrait

Tap Dancing For The Criminally Insane

SPOKANE , Washington – Doctors at the Spokane Home For The…